Well, um we are both living our lives. Mentally in regards to her, she is free to do what makes her happy and if cutting me out of her life is what makes her happy then that’s fine. I’d never want to be an emotional burden to anyone. Yeah I was very angry at her over a year ago for painting a picture of me to everyone that I was this bad person who victimized her. When I did nothing to her but treat her right, gave her money, let her use my massage envy account, gave her many gifts, most importantly I gave her love and affection, told her that I loved her on many occasions and held her hands one night, looked her in the eyes and told her that I was going to marry her one day. Of course she was happy and had the biggest smile on her face the night I told her that. She kept telling me she wanted to get away/escape from her family here back in 2011 and she did leave. I knew it was what she needed and wanted to do because she kept our love a secret from her family because she wasn’t comfortable with her sexual identity/love for me out in public. I let her go free because I loved her but after a year and a half I needed to know what had happened and where I stood in her life. If there was a relationship was us still or not. She has no idea how much I suffered emotionally when she left our relationship in limbo. My dad had committed suicide in June of 2011 and then she just got up and left to Texas to live with her brother 3 months later. I kept it a secret for a long time from her and many people, how much I was suffering with her disappearance. I didn’t take it personal at first and then as time went on, I started to. Here I had such a good relationship with Angela for 3 years and then all of the sudden, she cut me out.

I contacted her brother October of 2012 who she as supposively living with and he said that she just moved out, got her own place and that he had no contact with her. Saying was angry with her and said ” If she asks me for one more thing, I am going to take he ass to court!” I was in complete shock when he said that to me! I said ” Please don’t take her court, she thinks really highly of you and cares a lot about you. She skipped going to Ocean Club with me for her birthday to fly out to Austin, Texas to spend time with you and McKenna.” He said ” She lives in Abilene, Texas and if you want to go and find her than that’s fine but leave me out of it.” I was thinking OK! I told him, well of you talk to her, can you please tell her to contact me.
My intuition was telling me this entire time that he was LYING to me, I just had a gut feeling. And I was right, 4 hours later I get a text message from him saying that he talked to her and here I’m thinking – ” Ok, you just said you had no contact with Angela and that you are going to take her ass to court and now 4 hours later you are in contact with her?!” I lost all my faith and credibility in what her brother was telling me. I knew this was a sick and mental game that was being played against me. How disrespectful to me and how I was feeling! All I wanted was a rational and healthy closure to my suffering. I didn’t need all the bullshit mind games.

So every time he was in contact with me there after, I didn’t believe anything he had to tell me. It was all too shady, so I knew I was on my own and needed to get closure by myself. It took me 2 years to finally find her and face her (Angela). Before facing Angela, she was in contact with me through social broadcasting since 2011. So she still had an open connection with me that way and in knew almost everything that was going on in my life. She seeked safety in knowing that I still loved her because of her connections with me through viewing me on social broadcast. There is so much more to all this Anita that I don’t want to even talk about it. It’s opening old wounds that I’ve already healed, the past is the past now but what I just told you is somewhat of an insight. When I finally confronted Angela, she still wouldn’t give me any closure. I felt un-comfortable by the way she behaving/acting towards me. I never cheated on her or slept with anyone else while she was figuring her life out for the past 3 years but It was time to finally face her. I did it for me and it took a lot of strength and bravery for me to do it but I was willing and able to handle the possible rejection. Till this very day I don’t know what I ever did to deserve for her to treat me like she did.

Either way, I chose not to play the victim and take partial responsibility because I gave her a second chance to be a part of my life again in 2010. I opened up my heart to her once again, knowing she could hurt me again. And she did, so it’s partially my fault. I have no regrets, I did what I had to do to face her and get the closure/answers I needed after almost 3 years. in my heart, I know why she hurt me and treated me the way she did in the end and so does she. It was about her and not me in a way but at the same time, she resented me for being a lesbian and allowing herself to love me all those years. Nobody and I mean nobody has NO RIGHT to judge me for seeking the closure I needed, I had suffered a lot and It was time for me to face the music with her. I will always love her and she is free to live her life how she wants. Her and I have not seen each other since 2014.

As far as a relationship with someone new, I’m not seeking anything or anyone. There are a few people interested in me but i don’t entertain the idea, so those interests and I are just friends. I trust the universe, so whatever is meant to be will be.

Ok Anita, that is fine. It’s no big deal at all so don’t worry. Yes, there is more to the story that is missing but I healed all those wounds in the past and I don’t want to re-open them. I wrote a lot above and cut it short to give you the short version of the story. All that matters is that I have forgiven Angela because maybe it is very hard for her to not want anybody to know her relationship with me and the deep feelings we had for each other. Yes it’s very sad and hurtful that she is not willing to be open but at the same time, it is the path she has chosen. I will always love her and love the relationship that we had when were together, I am forever grateful for those memories. The Angela I was in love with and spent a lot of my precious time with no longer exists and has passed away in my mind. The Angela that exists now, I have no idea who she is. Sometimes people change and if changing is what made her 100% complete then I am very happy for her. That’s all I ever wanted for her, was to see her happy. Thanks for you time Anita, I not bring up the past of my ex again as this serves nobody any good.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! 🙂