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Bad Anxiety…Advice?

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by EC22.
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #73530
    Zach
    Participant

    Hello,

    Ive been on this site a few times to both give and receive advice and im glad it exists. I have really bad anxiety.. i always worry im doing something wrong either with friends, relationships, family, or work and people are just going to walk out of my life. Lately ive gained an irrational fear that I will get up in the middle of the night and unlock my phone..text super mean and hateful things to a friend, then delete my messages and waking up without realizing that happened at all while putting my phone exactly where it was before. Ive never been a sleepwalker and nobody in my family has either. This is a pretty irrational fear right? The chances of doing all that and then deleting the messages i sent so that i dont see them when i wake up is nearly next to impossible i would imagine, but still the idea of doing this and never hearing from my friend again is terrifying. Im sure this sounds silly, but its just something that has been bothering me and its one friend in particular I worry about doing this to. I see a therapist and told her about it and she said its pretty much next to impossible to do all that in a sleep state unless i was on Ambien or something… which im not.. i take sleep aids from walgreens sometimes to calm my mind before i fall asleep but those are nothing like Ambien I would imagine. Any advice on this would be super beneficial. Thanks!

    Zach M.

    #73532
    Rob J
    Participant

    Zach,

    I relate to what you are saying. I had created the worst horror movie inside my head that played for years. It involved death and all things horrific. This stemmed from extreme anxiety and my fear I was crazy. As you have likely heard/read these awful things don’t come to fruition but it can be hard to see the forest for the trees. I can tell you that I haven’t had such thoughts in years and there are ways to move forward. Glad to hear you are working with a therapist. Resolving your fears and anxiety takes more than advice and what can we dealt with in this forum. But I can tell you to be courageous, face your fears, never back down from fear. The solution to panic and fear lies on the other side of fear. Of course this is easier said than done. Reach out if you wish a private chat. I’ve assisted several friends with various levels of anxiety and panic. This is not a business, I like to help folks who are suffering like I once was. Chin up, don’t give fear so much power. I look back and smile as I now clearly see it was all a dream. And the anxiety and panic woke me up to become the person I was meant to be and free….It was a message from within. The greatest gift I ever got. Sounds crazy eh?

    #73556
    Rock Banana
    Participant

    The ONLY way to resolve this fully is by overcoming and transcending the meaning you’ve created around friends, being alone, what people think of you etc. This will likely take a fair deal of time to work through completely. I recommend going through this with a professional such as a coach who has experience with helping people to shift their mindsets and mental stances.

    Effectively there will be a series of beliefs in your mind, such as “I NEED people to love / respect me”, “Being alone would be absolutely TERRIBLE”, “It would be AWFUL if people thought badly of me”, and so on and on, and none of these beliefs are serving you. From a cognitive behavioural therapy standpoint you are “musterbating” – turning what would healthily just be desires, such as love / approval, into MUSTS that you MUST have. Unfortunately this is a recipe for the kind of anxiety you are experiencing.

    I recommend seeking out and employing as many strategies as you can – CBT, mindfulness meditation, general semantics, philosophies from individuals such as Noah Elkrief and Eckhart Tolle have all helped me. It will take an enormous desire on your part to change and a willingness to shift your perspectives – that means no longer thinking the same way you used to. “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein.

    If you are willing to do that, commit to it and keep persevering, then in a few weeks, months or years you will have broken through this completely. But enjoy the process of transformation and enjoy the journey, for the destination is a way off. Just focus on enjoying the self-change you will be undergoing. As I say employing a good life coach to work with you will mean this likely gets worked through much faster and the support will be very encouraging.

    As for in the short term, right now look into mindfulness meditation and I recommend becoming highly present when the nightmarish thinking appears. You’ll know more about what that means once you’ve started meditating.

    You don’t have to believe or do anything I say here but I would personally highly recommend it for what you are experiencing. The key to this isn’t in your nightmarish scenario, it’s in what’s behind it, which is this: “I have really bad anxiety.. i always worry im doing something wrong either with friends, relationships, family, or work and people are just going to walk out of my life.” That’s your problem. Only by becoming comfortable with the idea of being alone, by realizing you don’t NEED people to stay in your life and by going from a people-pleaser to a creative force in the world will you really start enjoying life on another level. Of course, the nightmare scenario you keep envisaging CAN be worked on in the short term but there’s a lot behind it which I would also explore and seek to work on.

    By the way, you have noted it’s irrational. You do not become some weird svengali puppet in your sleep and start doing crazy things. But you know that . This isn’t ABOUT that. This is about what I’ve talked about above. Good luck over the days, weeks, months and years ahead. Remember to ENJOY THE JOURNEY and not just the destination because the destination is a way off! All best with this.

    #73557
    Rob J
    Participant

    I completely concur with Rock Banana. Mindfulness and meditation are key. I’d suggest looking to Davidji as a source for enlightenment in meditation. To peel the onion back further, as Neale Donald Walsch say, there is always a sponsoring thought. It is the thought behind the thought behind the thought. And the sponsoring thought is always either love or fear. In your case about it is fear. This default emotional position of fear is the lens you are seeing the world through a lot of the time. You need to begin self exploration with a therapist or coach and route out your insecurity and fear. Heal your self loathing wounds and begin to illuminate your darkness.

    As was mentioned by Rock Banana, this is a journey, see it for what it is and enjoy finding your truly and loving self. Read lots, be mindful and work hard and you’ll be rewarded.

    #73570
    Rob J
    Participant

    BTW I would strongly recommend starting with the book or audiobook from Dr. Claire Weekes called Hope and help for your nerves as a source to get you body and mind off high alert so the personal dumpster dive can begin.

    #73641
    EC22
    Participant

    It is nice to know I am not alone (that at minimum is comforting) — I too have bad anxiety which I thought I had conquered but recent stress has brought it to the surface. I didn’t really think many people understood “crazy thoughts.” One thinks these crazy thoughts but past experience has proven that not many (any really) were acted on in my experience — one book I read said “you are not your thoughts” which I try to keep reminding myself. I kept trying many things to get rid of these thoughts, accupuncture, aruveydic medicine, yoga, and meditation, self-help books, mindfulness techniques. I guess I’m still learning/mastering and am disappointed I don’t have things under control. Taking progenycoach’s advice and will read the book by Weekes. Thank you. Any other advice is welcome.

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