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Being…My First Post

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #140975
    FindingSydney
    Participant

    BEING

    To my dearest being, my soul, my deepest level, my core, my inner strength, to the part that longs to expand, discover, uncover, and love unconditionally, I thank you for carrying me to this place of enchantment, the place of undiscovered mysteries awaiting me. For without you, I would not long to be set free from the burdens that surround me like mines in the sand or thorns scraping my transparent skin. Oh how I yearn to live an existence of beauty, serenity, boundless expansion, and escape from the physical realm. Yet, I sit, in this body, with this mind, with this existence that I have created.

    Still, you give me the dream of a new world. A place of freedom, a place to call home, a place to be nothing more or nothing less than a perfect creation of God’s magnificence. How beautiful we all are; deep below the world’s shadow of mirrored perfection. Far below the perfect images we have created as truth. For there is only one truth. All souls are beautiful, some scarred, tortured, only blinded by their movie, their story. Dearest being, please awaken me from my existence and keep me in the highest truth. Guide me to see myself and others as a perfect creation of God’s magnificence.

    #141305
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear FindingSydney:

    Thank you for your first post; what a flowery, flowing flow. Here are my favorites from your post:

    “To the part that longs to expand, discover, uncover, and love…  Oh how I yearn to live an existence of boundless expansion, freedom, a place to call home… please awaken me from my existence.”

    Will you share more about “(your) existence”? And, if you will: what would be “a place to call home”, for you?

    anita

    #141329
    FindingSydney
    Participant

    Good morning!

    anita, thank you so much for your beautiful comments.

    The best way that I can currently explain my existence is one of definite awakening. I am 36 years young and up until about a year ago, I was blind like so many around me. Forced into judgmental thinking and beliefs for my entire life about myself and others due to my abusive childhood and the death of my father at the age of 7. It is just within the last few months that I have realized that people were not judging me for my looks, job, intelligence, personality, or sheer being, but it was me judging myself and other people my entire life. What I am experiencing now is the realization that our thoughts and beliefs do change our experience.

    In May, I will have been in therapy for two years which has helped me to get to this place of awakening to what and who I am. I am still learning and growing which I assume will continue to happen. Right now, one struggle in finding a “place I call home” is in general, finding myself. What I find is a struggle to stay conscious and aware of thoughts and to stay in a place of bliss. The reason I say bliss is that a few months ago I had an experience where it was like I had two minds.

    I was doing some household chores and all the sudden I realized I was in my head and I was paying attention to my thoughts and I got confused because I could not figure out which thoughts were real,, or paranoid, or what I “should” be thinking, so I stopped what I was doing and I wrote down all of the thoughts I was having. When I saw them written on paper, I immediately realized that none of the fear based, extremely negative thoughts were actually true. I then realized that I could choose to believe the thought or not. Like Byron Katie’s “The Work”.

    For two weeks, it was like I was in heaven! For example, I was in line at a restaurant and the lady that was preparing food was moving pretty slow. In my previous judgments I would have thought to myself, “she needs to hurry up”, “she’s just another lazy employee”, etc. In that moment, I thought “look at her taking her time and preparing this food with such care.” I couldn’t believe what peace I was in and how patient I was. Of course, looking back on it, I see that the thought “she needs to hurry up” is something that I would have told myself a thousand times, whether I was at work, taking out the trash, moving my car in the driveway, so it makes perfect sense that I would project the thoughts about myself onto everyone else. I wish it were easy to stay so aware all of the time.

    For me, I believe a “place I call home” will be when I figure out what I enjoy, what makes my soul light up, what my real beliefs are (instead of how I was raised-Southern Baptist-“you’re going to hell if you do these 20 things”). It will also be when I learn how to love myself. I am working on that as well. For instance, not saying “yes”, when I want to say “no”, finding hobbies I enjoy, being more forgiving and easy on myself, and losing perfectionism.

    In my writing (first post), I wanted to honor my inner-self and thank her for helping me get to this awakening place as well. I ultimately thank God and my therapist, but without the deepest parts of me wanting to heal and spread love, I know I wouldn’t be where I am today.

    anita, I would love to know more about you and your life’s existence as well!

     

    #141339
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear FindingSydney:

    Regarding my life’s existence that you mentioned in your last line, I shared a lot about my mind and my life on this website, now buried in massive posting over a couple of years or so. If you have specific questions you are curious about, do ask.

    Awakening, I like this term. You gave an example of the woman in the restaurant who was preparing the food while you were standing in line. In the past, before awakening, you would have  thought: she needs to hurry up; another lazy employee and you felt distress.  Post awakening, you thought how carefully she is preparing food and you felt peace.

    I have a question: same situation, you standing in line in a restaurant. The woman preparing the food is busy talking on her cell phone while not preparing the food, or haphazardly, inattentively preparing it because her focus, clearly, is on the cell phone conversation. What do you think then?

    anita

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