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Can't fit into the team

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  • #80814
    ppok1989
    Participant

    Just started my job a month ago as a grad…It is a big retailer group.

    well I was full of anticipation and thought I will give it my all and I am going to learn so much..Guess what things didn’t turn out that way.

    In terms of work, it is extremely slow..I thought it would get better once I settle in but still..I am the kind of hyperactive, slightly ADHD person and now basically Everyday I just need to show up and sit for 8 hrs and go home. It is extremely frustrating to see my colleagues working their butt off when I have nothing to do. So I started to proactively ask for more work….and today my manager said to me that I need to take ownership of my training blablabla.. basically she was asking me to leave them alone and read the on-boarding manual..This is not what I signed up for(In the job description, it says there will be mentorship, hands on learning experience). sighed..

    In terms of fitting into the office, since I don’t have much work to do, there is not many opportunities to interact with my colleagues(on top of that the team is pretty cliquey)… The most excruciating time of the day is lunch break, I hate to have lunch by myself but they don’t invite me to lunch, so what should I do? I have become this pathetic person who follows them to lunch and ask if I can sit with them.. they always say yes then continue with their conversation.

    Anyone has had similar new job fitting in situation like me? how did you overcome it and what would be your advice for me?

    #80864
    Matt Micek
    Participant

    Hey, it may not be that bad after all! Try to find out what the common topics of the group are, what are their interests and educate yourself a bit on that subject. Thank just try striking conversations with those individuals who seem like they’re “leaders of the tribe”. I mean the people who always draw the most attention to themselves in social gatherings, those whom we all enjoy listening to. Observe how they act and then just try to imitate them – if the group likes a certain type of jokes (not offensive of course), tell that type of a joke to somebody. Not necessarily to the whole group at lunch break, but just to one person. Then almost certainly that person will share your joke with the whole group. Maybe that’s not a joke, maybe they like talking about certain aspects of work, or a tv show. Look for common interests and if you won’t be able to find one, then just become interested. That’s probably the simplest way: if you want to be interesting – become interested, if you don’t want to follow – start building a following, if you want people to talk to you – start talking to them (about their interests – usually ourself is our favorite person, right?).

    #82010
    jock
    Participant

    Hey I hear you ’cause I don’t fit in with my team either. Sounds like the job doesn’t suit you at all. Can you just quit and find another?
    As for lunch time, I dread having lunch with my workmates. Listen to more of their crap? No thanks.

    #82061
    Dan
    Participant

    7 years ago I got a job in the bedding department of a large furniture manufacturer.

    The other employees were a clique too. It was extreme for example I’d go out to the smoking shelter at break time & everyone there would go quiet when I arrived. I’d try to make conversation & got one word replies & grunts. It was a “you Will never be one of us” situation.

    So after 2 months of this crap I left.

    I feel sorry for you because it’s so unfair, selfish & downright rude to exclude a person like that.

    Don’t torture yourself. Leave, if you can.

    #82305
    Sann
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear you have such a hard time in your job… Since we spend quite a big part of our day there, it’s important that we feel more or less good there – although it probably won’t be sunshine everyday..

    I feel for your situation, i started my current job almost half a year ago – before that i hadn’t worked much for a while so i was very anxious to start this new job. And it took me a long time to feel a little bit at ease there, the first months i always wanted to leave there, it’s only quite recently that i’m starting to love the place and don’t want to leave.

    I don’t know if i have advice for you. I guess, it’s up to you to feel if it is worth to stay. It doesn’t sound as if the work is very fulfilling, and the social atmosphere isn’t either.
    For me, the work isn’t anything special (cleaning, while i think i would be able to do something more challenging than that), but now i realise, the atmosphere and the kindness is so good for me, that it helps me.

    You started a month ago… it might be that your colleagues are used to having new employers and don’t tend to do much effort to welcome them, but just go on with their daily stuff with the people they already know and are familiar with. Perhaps it might take a bit more time to get used to you and to trust you. I don’t know if it would help to try to chat with them individually, so that they get to know you a bit more and see that you are a nice person. And following them to lunch… i don’t know how it goes at your place, but is it really following them, is it not normal that you sit and have lunch with your colleagues…? They might just have lost their reflex of doing some effort to make a new person feel welcome.
    And one month is still quite short, do you think there will be a chance that you workload will inrease when you get more used to the place?

    Sorry, i don’t mean to make your problem sound small, but from a few lines that i read on the internet, it is of course not possible to form an idea of how it is at your workplace – and my own experience is that these things can change. I also felt like crap for quite a while and now i am so grateful that i’m in such a wonderful place, with such a lovely colleagues – even though their organisation has a lot of room for improvement (to say it nicely), i feel there’s a lot of love there and there is actually some space for my own initiative and they don’t put any pressure on me. Only the one colleague that i have to work closely with, is a comletely not-fit for me, and i sometimes would like to quit the urge of being polite and take my lunchbreak at a different time, or just by myself.

    I have no idea if it would be similar for you, but sometimes these things can change over time.

    I guess it’s up to you to see what’s in there for you. Do you think there is any challenge in relation to the work, that might change when you are there a bit longer? Do you think it would be good for you to quit now, if the situation really isn’t right (do you usually quit quickly or just stay too long in hard situations?), or could it be rewarding to stay in a difficult situation and challenge yourself..?

    Sorry i’m tired, so i’m writing too much and not sure if i’m getting my point across.

    It might not hurt to have a look around at job openings in the meantime, and send an application if there is something you really like.

    Anyway, good luck.

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