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complicated -love – friendship ?

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • June 30, 2016 at 3:57 pm #108629
    sehreen
    Participant

    I’m 19 year old now i met someone 6 years back when i was 13, i was very young that time, we meet on facebook ( i know this sounds funny), we became very good friends, he was 4 years older then me, we had very good understanding , slowly he became my best friend, we used to talk everyday, 3 years back ended our friendship, as i came to know his feelings. He became serious about me but he never forced himself on me, he still wanted us to continue our friendship, but i couldn’t i felt cheated, it was like he has misunderstood my actions, i ended everything, deleted him from everywhere, but he still used to send me emails for some time from others email ids which i ignored fully. But his words used to make me sad, i started to feel gulity , i started to blame myself for condition that i have done wrong with him, some times i used to reply his back, but only for 2 or 3 days but this didn’t stop i couldnt help myself it was like i felt need of him, need of talking to him so much that i couldn’t handle it myself. It continued like this over 2 years, last year in december i contacted him again, i poured my heart to him, how i felt guilty and he said i shouldn’t be gulity at all, and hence we can try to be friend again. after understanding bit of it i came cross that i wanted a relationship which isn’t possible over this internet world, i hate to feel so much for someone who i havn’t met at all. Now we do talk, but never about us, and i have kept a line between us, hence i feel bad for him still as i know he had pure feelings for me, but i can’t have a relationship based over internet. but at the same time i can’t stop myself for feeling for him . i don’t knnow what to do , i can’t tell him that i want to him as he will misunderstand , i don’t want him to know how deepest my feelings r for him ,i don’t want to be hurt but its still hurting me a lot . Recently i been seeing him in my dreams, i want to talk him about this but i can’t gather my words, i feel lost, it gives my headache. i don’t like to alone or lisent to music as my thoughts goes automatically back to him.
    please i need some advices .

    June 30, 2016 at 8:50 pm #108636
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sehreen:

    You feel very attached to a young man whom you didn’t meet yet. You communicated online for years, but never met. He wrote to you that he has romantic feelings for you. You deleted him because of his revelation but then developed such feelings for him. But you didn’t tell him of those romantic feelings for him, only a guilt that you felt about him.

    Is there a possibility for you to meet him in person: do you live in different countries or continents?

    what was your guilt about and do you still feel guilty? Tell me about the guilt.

    And how is your life other than the online communication with this guy: at 19, do you attend college/ work/ live with your parents? Any social life?

    anita

    July 1, 2016 at 5:17 am #108656
    sehreen
    Participant

    we live in different countires, and that’s what piss me off i feel so connected with someone i never met.
    I was gulity over that i have hurted him, by just cutting contact with him, he is also student he lives without his family in Canada. I don’t think i feel guilt anymore, but its like i want to have better contact with him but the thoughts of we never met in real makes me hold back. I don’t want to have a relationship based over online.
    MY life is pretty good, i’m with college, i work at bakeri , lives with my paretns, i have applied for Univeristy.
    I do have social life, i have only girl – friends, i never had any guy friends other then him.
    some times i feel i meet him to early in my life, and i never had to chance to meet anyone else or get to know someone else.
    sometims i feel maybe if i get in relationship with someone else i will be able to get over his thoughts. One thing keeps me disturbing is that, i feel i never meet someone who will care and understand like he does.

    thanks for reply i really need advice

    July 1, 2016 at 7:55 am #108662
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sehreen:

    Following reading your latest post, it is my understanding that your greatest need is for someone to “care and understand” you. This is what you need most deeply and intensely. The frustration is that you feel that he cares and understands you but he lives so far away.

    You need to be cared for and understood. No one but this guy online provides you with caring and understanding at this point. What I would do, if I was you, would be to get that caring and understanding in personal contact. Clearly online caring and understanding is not enough. So I would look for it in relationships you can have in person.

    The first adult I got to care and understand me was my psychotherapist just over five years ago. It was the first time a grown up really listened to me, cared what I was saying, was focused on me. He made mistakes in his thinking and sometimes didn’t pay attention, but he was there for me most of the time. What a great feeling. So maybe you should see a competent, caring therapist like I did. And maybe search for friends who treat you, in person, like that young man treats you online.

    Now that you do know how it looks like, someone caring for you and understanding you online, take this to in-person life. Look for the same with people you meet in person.

    anita

    July 1, 2016 at 3:07 pm #108683
    sehreen
    Participant

    thanks dear for replying me its helping me a lot to understand whole situation more..

    I feel the same i need someone to understand and care for me in real not something based on internett.

    reason i came here and wrote my feelings is that i was afraid that if i tell my friends they will simply think i’m crazy,

    because i myself have thought on this matter so much that i feel now i need help from someone who don’t know, who won’t judge me.

    I’m glad u didn’t came up with simply meaning of all this is love.

    I will take ur advice and will work on it as i no more wants to live with past .

    July 1, 2016 at 4:33 pm #108689
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sehreen:

    Internet communication is real (not always honest but so is life outside the internet). The one typing right now, whose words you are reading is a real person. Everything I write here, including my name is true and real. Notice you wrote that your friends, in what you call “real life,” can be or have been judgmental and you are afraid they will think you are crazy. See, you don’t feel safe with these friends. You don’t feel that they will understand you even though they exist in your “real life”.

    This is my recommendation: that you find a friend that will not judge you, a friend who will not think you are crazy for having your feelings nad needs. i don’t.Maybe the guy online didn’t judge you and instead, he accepted who you are and made you feel good about yourself. The guy online, just like me, are real people. I understand you need a friend/ bloyfriend with whom you can spend time in person. Find someone like that guy, someone who will accept you, be a safe place for you to express yourself without fear.

    Post again anytime.

    anita

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