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Confidence & Crisis of the Self…

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  • #55319
    Sophia
    Participant

    Hello Forum! 🙂

    I’m not quite sure how to begin this post…I have so much to say! Ever since I can remember I have suffered from the most horrendous self-consciousness and a lack of confidence which means that I just do not know how to let people in to my life.

    I think a lot of the issues I have can be traced back to the life I had growing up, which was very unsettled. My parents divorced when I was very young, which in itself has not been a problem, but as a result we moved around a lot and I don’t really have strong relationships with either of my parents. My mother is one of those people who is trapped in her teens (anyone seen Absolutely Fabulous?!), so as a result she’s always felt more like I sister, I suppose. And as for my Dad, my brother and I have never lived with him, he’s naturally quite a quiet person so again, we don’t really have much of a relationship…I think because of this, I’ve always struggled to feel rooted anywhere, if that makes sense?

    I’m naturally a very shy person, it takes a lot for me to trust people and let anybody in. On top of this (I’m whinging, sorry!), I am very self-conscious about the way that I look and this also affects my relationships with other people. I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive, plain maybe… but I have very visible scars which cover my entire body and I’m so frightened to let people see them. Someone once remarked that they were ‘disgusting’ and I think that this has always stuck in the back of my mind… the belief that my body is not normal has stopped me from having so many normal experiences. I’m in my final year of university, and I’ve never been able to have a proper relationship, because I just find myself unable to open up to people…this makes me really sad, because I know that deep down I’m not living the life I should be.

    I’m also conscious about telling people that I’ve never had a relationship because of all the questioning that ensues as to why that is…!

    I feel like in my head I’m a completely different person to who I really am, but I just don’t know how to let all these anxieties go.

    I find it really difficult to make friends, because the way I view myself stops me from having the confidence to participate in social situations, or trying new things. Sometimes I’ll avoid going out all together, just because it feels safer. It wasn’t always this way though, a few years ago I was so much more confident than I am now…I had a really solid group of girlfriends back at home and we’re still close, but I feel like something went wrong and I’ve just retreated back into myself again. I’m worried that if I don’t start to learn to let people in, that I’ll end up alone forever!

    I’m almost at the end of my degree, and I feel like now is a really good time to start looking ahead to the future and take all of these negative experiences to put towards something positive. I really want to make a fresh start and start building towards the life that I want to have…my biggest fear is that I’m going to spend so much time wallowing in self-pity that life will completely pass me by and I’ll never do any of the things that I want to do…I really don’t want to end up alone.

    But how can I learn to let go of all of these anxieties and negative beliefs and just be myself? Are there things that I can do to teach myself to be more confident and eliminate all the negative thoughts I have toward myself? Therapy would help, but it’s so darn expensive! I feel like the only thing holding me back from being happy is what’s inside my own head, but its so hard to tell yourself that the things you think aren’t true…any tips or advice?

    I just want to be happy and live!

    Apologies for the excessive wallowing ;)!!

    S x

    #55342
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey hey Sophie

    Thanks for your post. It is so wonderful to see a young woman like yourself come forward and ask for suggestions on how to embrace the beauty of our existence.

    First of all, congratulations as half of your work is already done. You want a positive change in your life and thats the most important. When we have the willingness to flow with life and start inner self journey, all possible help finds its way to us.

    There is an awesome author by the name of Susan Jeffers (who has left the body now) who should be able to start you on your journey. Her book titled, Feel the fear and do it anyway, will come handy every time you feel down or need a pick me up. Start with the last 2 chapters and if they resonate with your being, you can read the first 10 simple chapters for various tools that you can use. What is required is disciplined ACTION on your part. Often, we want to do things or make positive changes in our lives but forget to take the action. Until, we apply the learnings into our life, changes do not occur.

    And re: the visible scars on your entire body. There are many people who have all sorts of scars on their body from burns, injuries, abuse etc but they still go on to live an awesome life and make the best of what has been handed down to them. Do you think you could do the same ? I am sure you didn’t choose to have the scars on your body, which means, it was out of your control. When things are out of our control, we shouldn’t spend too much time worrying about them. Instead, we should embrace them and move forward with pride.

    People are often attracted to physical beauty but what keeps them in love is your inner beauty. Inner beauty comes from having a beautiful heart, high self esteem and respect. If you accept yourself as you are, is there anyone in this world who can go against that ? NO ONE ! Everything is in our hands and we can make a conscious choice to be the best we can be.

    Go and enjoy your life. Do not leave space for regrets ever 🙂 Everyone and everything have been put into our lives so that we can learn a lesson and grow. Things that do not work to bring more peace, contentment or bliss into your life, show them the out sign.

    Loads of blessings,

    Jasmine

    #55355
    Cameron
    Participant

    @@Jasmine said:
    People are often attracted to physical beauty but what keeps them in love is your inner beauty. Inner beauty comes from having a beautiful heart, high self esteem and respect. If you accept yourself as you are, is there anyone in this world who can go against that ? NO ONE ! Everything is in our hands and we can make a conscious choice to be the best we can be.

    What you wrote here is so beautiful, Jasmine. I’ll keep that in mind.

    #55356
    Sophia
    Participant

    Thank you for your wise and kind words, Jasmine.

    Really beautiful and I will keep them in mind.

    Thank you x

    #55392
    Makayla
    Participant

    I also have this problem. I always second guess myself and feel unsatisfied with myself no matter what I’ve done to try to change. I have so much anxiety about all the same things you do! I’m glad there’s someone else out there with this problem.. 🙂

    #55400
    Sophia
    Participant

    I think that it always feels like you’re the only one going through whatever it is you’re going through at the time. But it’s quite comforting to remember that there’s always going to be someone, somewhere, who’s experienced exactly the same things as you have…and come out the other side again. 🙂

    Still tough at times though!

    🙂

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