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Dating a heartbroken man who is pulling away

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Cee Cee 2 weeks ago.

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  • #138245
    Profile photo of Cee
    Cee
    Participant

    Hello! I have been dating a guy for about 1.5 months so it’s still a fairly new relationship.  Things were going well until they were not.  We have been consistently seeing each other up until 2 weeks ago. He constantly contacted me, we shared lots of information and got into deep discussions, he introduced me to his friends and he maintained pure interest.  About 2 weeks ago, he was faced with a very busy schedule so I did not hear from him as often but I still reached out to him.  We had made plans that weekend to see him but there was a big miscommunication and he became a bit aggravated and short.  It proceeded into him stonewalling me, which I began getting extreme anxiety because I did not know what was going on.  He recently reached out to me apologizing for his behavior.  He expressed that he is 5 months out of a long term relationship (which I already knew) and he recognizes that he is still heartbroken and he is having issues at the moment having things progress between us.  He also stated that he is under a lot of career stress that has been demanding timewise and not only that, he is currently stuck in his head and he apologizes that he is being so unfair to me.  He said he fears that I am rushing this commitment on him because he is not ready to jump into a relationship and he understands if I want to leave him because I deserve better while he sorts this out on his own. He expressed this has NOTHING to do with me and he wishes we can be more casual.

     

    I told him I appreciated his honesty but I am a bit disappointed because things were progressing well and he kind of let fear get to him. I offered to give him space while he sorts this out.  Am I making the right move? I completely understand the heartbroken aspect because I have been there myself.  I will be open to meeting new people but I don’t want to let this one go quite yet. I think there could be future potential if I am willing to be patient.

    #138277
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cee:

    Your thinking and reacting to him reads reasonable to me. To give this relationship a chance, there is only one way for you to go about it: to give him the space he needs. I wouldn’t have a casual relationship with him, as in sexual-without-commitment, so to accommodate him! But I will give him his space- no pressure on him whatsoever. Let go of any expectations (other than him being honest and respectful to you).

    Meeting new people- absolutely.

    anita

    #138685
    Profile photo of Elisabeth
    Elisabeth
    Participant

    I agree with Anita. I’m glad you two are able to communicate these thoughts and feelings well.

    #138691
    Profile photo of Poppyxo
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Hi Cee,

    I wonder if there will ever be any potential in this to be perfectly honest.
    He has quite clearly told you he is still heartbroken over somebody else, and although he has said it’s nothing to do with you (you haven’t done anything wrong) this is his way of breaking things off gently, I believe.

    I wonder if you got involved a few weeks or months down the line that you would end up getting hurt because of his obvious honesty with the way he is at the moment. You’ve only known him a short while, so I wouldn’t really hold out on anything progressing. But as Anita said, if you completely give him space and leave it, things may work out, but no time soon.

    #138935
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    testing

    #139033
    Profile photo of cjf
    cjf
    Participant

    I agree with Anita.  You should drop any effort on your part to close that space between you and resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong.  Definitely do not step up your efforts in order to get him to respond to you.  You should continue to resist calling him or emailing him or dropping by his place on the spur of the moment.  Let him make the choice to come to you when he is ready.  If it’s meant to be, things will progress when they should.

    #139073
    Profile photo of Cee
    Cee
    Participant

    thank you everyone! i have stepped back and haven’t heard anything since we discussed.  sigh… he went MIA

    #139259
    Profile photo of DAVID ROGER KATES
    DAVID ROGER KATES
    Participant

    I do n`t think that you required any help, just confidence perhaps.  Nobody is perfect, we are all only a product of past experience.  We all have old tapes containing past experience replaying in our heads, and most of us can be perfect when we are not even being tested.

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