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Depressed Boyfriend Broke Up With Me

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  • #65193
    Zee
    Participant

    I have been together with this guy for almost 11 months. In the beginning we struggled as he had deeper feelings for me. He has been diagnosed with Depression and Bi-Polar. During our time together he wasn’t really on medication, only when necessary.

    5 months into the relationship, his father passed away and he became depressed and he broke up with me.

    1 month later we got back together slowly and really focuses on each other. Being more committed etc.

    Now 4 months after we got back together, he broke up with me because he is feeling distant and not him self. He really does care about me but he says he cant feel or connect with anything and says he wants to work on himself for a while. Said he needed time. He still wants to remain friends. I was so sad that he broke up with me, crying like crazy and the entire time he was so comforting, telling me this is best for both of us and that everything will work out.

    This literally happened 3 hours ago. I feel sad about it all, but also confused. What he is saying could be very true, but I love him and he did love me back, but right now he cant emote sexually or mentally.

    He wants to be friends, still text everyday, see each other when we can etc. Advice any one? Any one deal with loved ones and depression. Does time really heal?

    #65194
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Zee
    I am sad to hear about about what happen
    I had depression myself in the past and even attempted suicide 20 years ago. I also broke up with my ex girlfriend 6 days ago so I can understand and empathize with your pains, worries and struggles.
    He is now struggling, what ever he say or do is not from deep down inside his heart. Even though he might not touch you sexually, that does not mean that he do not love you.
    When I was depressed, I am not even physically excited even if a hot sexy lady were to stand in front of me.
    I encourage you to look deeper inside him and feel (empathise) with his suffering.
    Be the one that stand beside him when he is down, be the comfort of his heart (and not just physical), be the candle that shine when his days seems dark for him. Be the one that smile when he is crying. Be there for him.

    It is not just only time that heal, but you being his pillar of support, his love and being his light (in his darkness) that will heal!

    Let your love be for him be more and more complete!

    Let us know how it goes

    Praying for you guys always

    Howard

    #65242
    Monica Dubay
    Participant

    Hello dear,

    You may want to consider why you are involved with someone who is depressed and bipolar. You deserve better, this is mental illness and it will never really be a healthy relationship. There are other people who are more worthy of your time and energy. Please think about what kind of person you want to be with. Start to look at your own desires…what is your ideal man? If you become clear what you want, you can then see that he isn’t meeting your expectations. Not the other way around. Empower yourself.

    You don’t have to spend time waiting for him to get it together. You do have more capacity to love yourself and to explore your own desire for a happy life.

    Depression is serious and often people don’t want to come out of it, they like the attention they get from being sick.

    Hope this helps.

    Monica
    resurrectedmind.com

    #65327
    Zee
    Participant

    Thank you for kind words Howard.

    I am letting him text me first, that way I know I am not over stepping on his space and boundaries. Texting everyday, sends pictures of himself. Im just taking it all in day by day. Hurts because I love him, but I want him to know Im here for him.

    Thank you for the message 🙂
    Z

    #65346
    Howard C
    Participant

    Hi Zee
    Hope you are doing well.
    No worries at all, I am more that happy to be of an encouragement, even if it is only a little that I can do
    As Monica mentioned correctly, people with depression will go through cycles (sometimes very long) & repeating periods of depression. I have been there myself. I also know people who had bad cases of depression.
    Get to know more of the type of depression he is suffering from (Bi-polar in your boyfriend case). Read more about the illness, join support groups, get more insights on how people (who have loved ones, family members who have Bi-polar) manage and deal with this order.
    You do understand that this disorder will be ongoing and will not be something that can be cure immediately with medicines or in a time period/frame , he will sometimes be happy and will different the very next day.
    If you choose to commit to this relationship (and I know that you love him), be prepare and be strong when things looks like it is getting worse for him (mood change etc)
    Do not worry so much about sending a message to him or waiting a message from him now, I know the wait can be a struggle, I also hope that my ex writes to me, there never a day that I am not waiting.
    Send him a “hi how are you” or “Just to let you know I am always here when you need me” type of msg sometimes.
    Do what you can now, take the extra time you have now to do things you do not have a chance to do.
    Praying that all will be well for you, do keep us posted

    Howard

    #162602
    Emily
    Participant

    Hi I’m currently going through this. My ex broke up with me because he says he needs to get himself together, he says he’s been depressed for a while even before we started dating we just broke up about a week ago. He says he wants to be with me just not right now, he wants to be mentally stable and physically healthy. We’ve been talking everyday since we broke up, just little text messages here and there to see how one another is doing. I just want some advice from someone that might know what I’m going through and to explain what he might be going through.

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