January 7, 2017 at 1:31 am #124746
hi. may be someone can give me a solution what i am going through now i am 21 and MY EX BF is 25.i am really depressed because of my 3 months relationship.and then break up with my bf.i broke up with him 20 days before because he never show love or effection for me,dint call or text me for 2 to 3 days.he had no time and no emotions for me .he was working in another city which is 35 mints away.
in these 3 months of relationship i was the only one to make every possible effort to communicate .he used to live alone 15 mints away from my room .i used to cook for him daily and called him so that he comes and eat with me and we can spend some time togather.
but he was either on fb checking his news feed or somthing else.even though when i tried to talk to him.often i dint get any responce.i was deeply in love with him.but he was always busy in his own life ..
i did every single thing for him.i cooked ,washed his dresses ,massaged his body feets and hands when he asked me to do every single thing..but in return when one day i called him i said him i am having like fever and body pain.and he was also nt fine .he had fever .he said he ll come in sometime.after calling two times finally after 3 hours he came to me..and i was so hurt bcz of his reaction because as i wasnt feeling fine,he was punching my body nd slaping my face..and asked me to get up and make food.he said i was doing acing and he doesnt like drama..
after a week his friend came from another city .then he was with him all time dint text me or call me .then he cooked with his friend and dint need me and dint come to see me either.that time he was finding job and room online .in those days i was alone all time .i live alone i was alone ,tol him many time i am feeling so alone but he dint find even 10 mints to meet me for 2 weeks…
it was just once in a blue moon that he said i am important to him and he likes me.
then he got job and went another city as i told in beginning .i used to awake for him late night that may be after job he will msg me but i had to text .and he replied first few days .then whenever i dint text there was no responce from him.and some time he used to call me for 2 to 3 mints fot asking hi hello etc..then after two weeks he came to see me.we had good time togather he made me feel good .kissed me etc.
but after going again same attitude and this time also rude.he said he dont want to talk to anyone even not me.and when i asked him why he doesnt reply my texts he said he dont like to update every single thing..even i never asked for any update..i used to weep daily .. after 4 days i called him he was with a girl in her room lying with her in same bed ,sharing blanket at night 11;30. he ll stay wd her tonght,he said .and he started to talk about her body that she has tattos all over body etc.and started to admire her which he never did of me ..i told him on call that it seems i m nt special for u nd u dnt make me feel wanted or special ..he also said that when he was with me i was like his HABIT.but not now.. thn he said she is having fever right now what should he do?thn he askd me to sleep…i trusted him blindly,,
i was wondering all night whats happning wd me .but dint took this that much serious but i was too hurt..two days passed but he dint contact with me.but he was availible on fb i used to check.
then i finallly decided to QUIT .and told him .he dint stop me and wished me best of luck for future……..i dint contact from 14 december 2016 to 31 december 2016 .
on 1st january someone knocked door..i opend so it was he.he asked what is wrong with me.i said nothing thn asked me,am i Happy? that time i was happy without any regret of break up..i rep YES ..thn he said the day i broke up he was weeping a girl saw him they become friends.and after 4 to 5 days she proposed him.he asked her to wait till he meets me and then he ll reply her about her proposal.i was shocked ……
thn i called him second day bcz i loved him alot and i told him all the thing that he dint give me time etc .he made me guilty by saying if a person cant give time then does that mean relationship ends?i broke his trust ,nd now he is in relationship with sombdy and he cant trust any girl now .he commited wd her last night after meeting me. he said…i was weeping he made me feel so guilty by playing with his words.he said he dint do anything wrong.and i was the one to end relationship he wasnt.and then i was emotionally so broken and said many thing emotionally and sorry him that i loved him madly …he said now nothing will change and he asked me to stay as friends i said NO …i dont want to be friends with him anymore and now we are not going to see and each other …before his going i said him I LOVE you when he was near door..he replied HE LOVED ME….
i have paper after 4 days and i am disturbd…….i dont want him back bt he made me guilty …i want to show him that he made biggest mistake by losing me ….i dint contact him after that..but yesterday i was with my male friend when he saw me out side of building….
i am feeling better that he must know i am strong enough to move on and happy wd others too….
plz write your suggestion and comment…and sorry for mistakes my english is too bad ….January 7, 2017 at 6:14 am #124748
Your whole post is about him, it was about him in the relationship, it is about about him even now. What about you? Do you honestly believe you deserve a partner like this who,
1) Treats you and orders you like a maidservant?
2) Doesn’t bother to give you enough time and thinks that saying few sweet words, showing up at your door will solve all the bullshit he does?
3) Has no problem with other women in his life?
You have been saved from a shitty marriage. He will come to you once in a while when he is bored with the other girl. He will make you guilty for the crap he did, even blame you when its convinient. Then say he is sorry and within next day, back to his usual behaviour when he is convinced you are back.
His behaviour has had too many red flags in just one post. It’s good you were able to come out of this.
Forget what he thinks. It doesn’t matter what he is doing. Cut this man from your life.
Please move on for your own happiness with your own life, work, set of friends, a better romantic partner than this one. Please give your exams properly. You will have more regrets if you ruin your studies because of a relationship.
I know you are hurting still but be glad you were strong enough to take the step that is healthy for you. Now you have to stay strong for your sake.
If you happen to have English subtitles, watch this movie called “Queen” (Hindi) – I have a feeling it will cheer you up a bit.
NinaJanuary 7, 2017 at 8:14 am #124757
Did I understand correctly what you wrote here: “as i wasnt feeling fine,he was punching my body nd slaping my face..”- are you saying you had a fever and he punched you and slapped you?
If so, it is very wrong for him to hit you when you are healthy and when you are sick. If he has done that, there should have been no contact with him following that one time.
I read your whole post. The title of your thread includes three questions to which I would like to offer my answers:
1. “Did he ever loved me?”- maybe a moment here and a moment there, but his uncaring and cruel behavior many times cancel those moments. To love, a person has to consistently love, and to not mix cruelty with moments-of-love.
2. “Was (he) just playing?” – often he was just playing, as he is not an honest person. When a person is dishonest a lot of the times, as he has been, you shouldn’t trust that person.
3. “What should I do to move on?”- have no contact with him whatsoever; never allow him to talk to you. If he knocks on your door, tell him to leave. Do not listen to what he says. Do not talk to him other than tell him to leave. If he doesn’t- call for help, for someone to make him leave. Then, in your future relationships, before you jump into loving a man, figure out who he is; what kind of a man he is: honest or dishonest? Respectful (consistently) or disrespectful?
Consider that for a man to be worthy of your love and dedication, he has to be a man who loves you too and is dedicated to you too.
anitaJanuary 7, 2017 at 12:36 pm #124781
dear anita and nina.
yah you understood rightly.he was hurting me when i wasnt feeling fine.appearently i dint have fever that time when he came to me .but i was having body pain nd fever like feelings..
i was too hurt by his reaction that there was tears in my eyes …
he used to just admire other girls and made friendship with them..most of time he talked about others but never appreciated or valued me..only in 3 months 3 times may be….
i used to weep all day and wonder,does he love me or not? bcz i dint find him anywhere in my life when i wasnt feeling good or needed him .
i remmber once we were going to another city .we both got up little late .i called him to know if he isnt sleeping ..bt i became ready on time.even though he was scolding me about calling him …that whn i was late why did i called him ..why dint i become ready aftr waking up etc..and i was just listening while he was scolding me….
he dint like to listen me or reply what i used to ask ..it was like i was talking to a wall..or when i used to talk he was more interestd to listen street conversation then to reply me….
i was too hurt by his feelings..he had always good excuses of his such behaviour…
person88January 7, 2017 at 12:44 pm #124782
Will you end all contact with this man and move on?
anitaJanuary 7, 2017 at 12:48 pm #124783
i ended all my contacts with him and now moving on…i dont feel hunger and thinking almost all day long about him.what to do? and do u think he will come back and make me feel guilty again once i moved on..January 7, 2017 at 12:58 pm #124784
It is very important that you do not allow any contact with him, so he doesn’t make you feel guilty again. No contact- none. Do not give him the opportunity to hurt you again, in any way.
You don’t feel hunger and you think a lot about him because you grew attached to him, not because it is a good relationship. Take best care of yourself at this time, take a hot bath and/ or take a walk outside or post here anytime, but don’t contact him.
As strongly as you feel or will feel like contacting him, or allowing him to contact you- don’t. He is not good for you. Contact with him is not good for you. Resist the temptation. It will get easier over time, if you persist and learn from the experience.
anitaJanuary 7, 2017 at 1:06 pm #124785
one thing more …i have deleted his no from my phone.so that i cant check his whatsapp dp or status which make me to miss him..but he is in my Fb account .i dont use Fb but he is in my friend list .should i unfriend him so that i feel better and let him know i am no more interestd to be in contact with him?or will it look ODD from my side UNFRIENDING him on fb…January 7, 2017 at 1:13 pm #124786
The physical pain and crying is normal because you are going through a grieving process as a relationship has ended. However to really cut the chord, you must make sure not to allow this man to contact you for whatever reason. Better to block him on fb to be honest or you will end up stalking his profile eventually when you are in a low mood.
There is no right or wrong here about it being “odd” or not in terms of unfriending. He was a jerk to you and you can decide for yourself to have this space. I suggest blocking bcoz if u unfriend, he will use this as an excuse to contact you somehow by sending friend request again. Your call though.
I know this is so painful- to try so hard to be with someone, to give your heart to him and have them do this to you. I tell you though, it wasn’t your fault at all. You did your best but as you can see, his behaviour wasn’t right at all. Don’t allow him to make you feel bad. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl who cares so much. It’s his loss that he didn’t understand your value. It’s your gain that you realised his true nature much before you even got married to this guy and had children. Just imagine how complicated things would have been then.
I can only say that let time heal your heart. Allow yourself to cry, write your feelings down often, go see a friend and go for walk…anything to get your head away from this guy. He wasn’t worthy of this effort.
I am really sorry it ended this way. It does get better though – the heart heals…when I first got my heart broken in a long term relationship, I lost a lot of weight and took up fitness, art to cope with the awful feelings. I cried all the time, felt angry at him and missed him too. Somehow over next couple of months, it got better. He tried to contact me again and do emotional blackmail but I ignored him, blocked him.
It will hurt for a while but it will get better. Don’t be alone during this time though. Go meet your friends, keep yourself occupied. Stay away from fb for the time being.
NinaJanuary 7, 2017 at 1:44 pm #124787
Cutting all contact with him does involve unfriending him or blocking him (I don’t have FB)- whatever means No Contact.
It is reasonable for you to cut all contact; it is the right thing for you to do, for your own long term health. Anything you do for your own long term health is not odd.
(Really, does it matter what a dishonest, cruel and abusive man think is odd? After all, he thinks to mistreat you is normal. His normal is odd).
January 8, 2017 at 1:05 am #124814
- This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
dear ANITA and NINA ,
I WAS SLEEPING ffew minutes before .and a call came and i woke up.it was his call .he was calling me and sent me 2 text that he wants to meet me ?
i have listend from one mutual friend (my ex living with him currently in 5th floor of my building )that may b today he will go another city and stay there and wont come again here.on the other hand i discussd with my mutual friend about my relatinship indirectly( by saying a classfellow of mine havig such relationship breakup and she is very close to me )because that mutual friend dint know about our relationship.he gave me also good advice.
my question is why is he contacting me?does he want any help that he asked me to meet?what should i reply him?should i meet him and listen what he ll b saying?
or may be that mutual friend of us shared with my .ex what i discussed with my friend…
and after feeling guilt he wants to meet me or what ?
plz help me that what to do ??January 8, 2017 at 4:54 am #124820
Please go through the previous messages.
NinaJanuary 8, 2017 at 5:06 am #124821
first i recieved his 4 text and one call on whatsapp.
and then he texted me that those were late messages which were sent unintentionally unknowingly .ignore them he wrote and he doesnt want to meet he added…
what was that ? messeges can be late on whatsapp but call ?
i am not getting his behaviour ….January 8, 2017 at 6:04 am #124823
All you have to get about his behavior is that he has been cruel to you, again and again. No need to know all his motivations all the time, it is enough to know that he is a cruel person often enough. And then, once you know just this part- the right thing for you to do is to have no contact with him.
No matter how much you miss him and how much you wish he was different, accept the reality that you do know and protect yourself.
anitaJanuary 8, 2017 at 7:22 am #124829
You need to see that you were the victim here. He was heartless and selfless and you were the innocent one that was hurt. Cut off all ties, time heals all wounds, and start dating other guys. You deserve better. Do some introspection and decide what it is that YOU deserve!