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Do you like confident people?

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  • September 30, 2015 at 9:42 pm #84481
    jock
    Participant

    Part of me doesn’t like confidence in others and therefore not in myself.
    OK we will all say,we don’t like over-confidence or arrogance.
    But what about medium confidence?
    The minute people act like authorities on a subject, I doubt them.
    Watch politicians being interviewed on TV. They are professional liars who are bound to spew forth the party line.
    (now I am sounding like an authority.. 🙂
    But another part of me admires, even envies confidence. People who are not put off by potential negatives. People who can work under pressure. People whose agenda is obviously for the greater good and not themselves and have full access to their inner resources.
    In the heat of the moment, under pressure, I fold. My inner resources desert me. Potential negatives start to take over like ghoulish gremlins. My heart starts to pump furiously, dry mouth and vocal chords begin to sound like a highly strung hyena. I become a fumbling mess, a chicken with its head cut off, a Mr. Magoo.
    If you consider yourself a confident person, good on you. Don’t let this post make you doubt yourself.

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by jock.
    October 1, 2015 at 8:05 am #84505
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    “In the heat of the moment, under pressure, I fold. My inner resources desert me. Potential negatives start to take over like ghoulish gremlins. My heart starts to pump furiously, dry mouth and vocal chords begin to sound like a highly strung hyena. I become a fumbling mess, a chicken with its head cut off, a Mr. Magoo.” Enjoyed this read, art work is what it is.

    So the confidence you admire and would like to possess is the ability under pressure, in the heat of the moment, to access your inner resources and keep your head on. This is making me think further about courage, brain and courage.

    anita

    P.S. A highly strung hyena- as funny as hell, welcome back, humorous Jack, stay as long as you will.

    October 1, 2015 at 3:29 pm #84538
    jock
    Participant

    re highly strung hyena- I must look hilarious to other people sometimes and I am not even aware of it at the time.

    there is also the tall poppy syndrome which you may have heard; when average people criticise above average people who stand out. it is evident when people criticise leaders or famous people usually because of envy. I may be guilty of this too. It is more comfortable to be in the critic’s armchair than the one in the hot seat.

    October 2, 2015 at 8:30 am #84557
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I think….. rinkedydink… I think that arrogance is maybe a mask of self-doubt.

    I think that confidence is something… I think that I can’t assume that everyone who appears confident is actually so. I think fake it to make it. I think that I know how cripplingly shy inside I am and yet put me in any place I’ll be the first to stand tallest and walk towards you with a smile though only I know how much I’m hating it, it would be unfair and unjust for me to let you know how much I’m hating meeting you.

    we can’t assume that everyone who appears confident is not just acting confident. no one needs to know how shy we are inside. what are they going to do with that information? pity us? exploit us? look after us like we are precious?

    my upbringing says when you cry nobody comes. so I’ll be confident because it’s just the way to get things done. And I’m very convicing at it too.

    ”In the heat of the moment, under pressure, I fold. My inner resources desert me. Potential negatives start to take over like ghoulish gremlins. My heart starts to pump furiously, dry mouth and vocal chords begin to sound like a highly strung hyena. I become a fumbling mess, a chicken with its head cut off, a Mr. Magoo”

    describes it exactly for me on the inside.

    when there is someone who is more confident than I am=- I am happy to step down and let them have their limelight – it’s like their need is greater than mine.

    October 2, 2015 at 9:06 am #84558
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    You wrote in your original post here about truth and lies. And what happens to you under pressure. And in the quotes thread you wrote that you wouldn’t die for what you believe because you may be wrong. What is coming to my mind as this moment is that yes, a lot of things are up to examining, examining the truth but there is a measure of truth, certain things, that you need to be convinced of, that are not open to debate within yourself. Once you are confident that you see the truth in those areas, then you will not be the hyena that you have been under pressure. For example, if you keep your doubt about yourself being lovable, worthy, then under pressure that doubt will be maximized, hence the hyena.

    Remember I wrote to you in another thread that I SAW your worth and I can’t unsee it? You probably see it at times? And at other times you lose sight of it, you unsee it? So you never really saw it.

    This is a core example. There are others. some things one needs to be confident about, confident about possessing the truth.

    anita

    October 2, 2015 at 1:55 pm #84584
    jock
    Participant

    nice posts pomp and anita
    you guys are really helping me a lot
    I’ll get back to you on this
    I need to rub my aching back muscles unfort. 🙂

    October 2, 2015 at 3:30 pm #84586
    jock
    Participant

    I’ve never liked fakeness in other people though, even they are pretending to be confident and the role requires it. I just wish people would leave their masks at home. Expect too much I admit.

    October 2, 2015 at 8:16 pm #84590
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Expect too Much Eric:

    yes, you do expect too much. better not be surprised by the norm.
    anita

    P.S. I think Expect too Much Eric is a result of the healthy part of Jack’s superego that realizes expecting what is not realistic is well, not realistic and will bring disappointment and ineffective behavior. So there is a healthy part of your superego to increase while decreasing the unhealthy, abusive, tyrannical monster superego.

    October 2, 2015 at 9:45 pm #84596
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Jack,

    I totally identify with your words. I have felt them too so often. I have cried and bashed myself up more than I can remember. Confident people in particular made me feel “omg, they’re so annoying and they act like they know everything!” but truth be said, the problem wasnt them. The problem was with me – I was comparing their outside with my inside. I do this a lot when i see thin, fit people in particular – I feel really unattractive somehow haha. There have been instances too with the super-achievers in my UG program – amazing grades, internships, bodies, bucket loads of confidence and there was simple, doubtful me. I dont mind it though now. This simple girl is fine the way she is, no matter how many times she falls and doubts herself.

    Lets face it, we all fall and crumble, then get up, go on. Without realizing, we become stronger that way. Even during that internship, though i came out fine in the end, i used to have anxiety attacks every day and I was so stressed out! It took me some time to find ways to deal with that. Same goes for living alone – it took me a year to finally find ways to make life simpler and less stressful. So nope, i wont say i handled it perfectly. But what is perfect and normal anyway?? The important thing is what i feel and no one can take that away from me.

    What do you think?

    Moon

    October 3, 2015 at 3:12 am #84602
    jock
    Participant

    I think Expect too Much Eric is a result of the healthy part of Jack’s superego that realizes expecting what is not realistic is well, not realistic and will bring disappointment and ineffective behavior

    Don’t quite understand this part Anita but thanks anyway.

    October 3, 2015 at 3:14 am #84603
    jock
    Participant

    but truth be said, the problem wasnt them. The problem was with me

    The neurotic part wants a break. he’s tired of taking the blame… 🙂

    October 3, 2015 at 3:17 am #84604
    jock
    Participant

    Hey Moon
    But now I’m comparing myself to you, and you come way out in front. 🙂
    But I’m glad you are doing well. Your self-talk sounds very healthy.

    October 3, 2015 at 8:43 am #84611
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    “The neurotic part wants a break. he’s tired of taking the blame”- brilliant. The “inner critic” and the “outer critic” are two sides of the same coin: the superego pointing the finger of blame toward self (Id) and at other times toward others, back and forth, giving the Id, the inner child a break. It is like when I was a child it was nice to see my mother beating my sister. It felt nice. I wasn’t a bad person then but I suppose it is natural to want the abuse turned AWAY from me- this is what motivates the “outer critic”- let’s give somebody ELSE hell for a change.

    As far as Expect too much Eric, I meant fitting our expectations to what is true and real in life is a healthy thing.

    anita

    October 3, 2015 at 10:19 am #84613
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Jack,

    Be kinder to yourself 🙂 You are doing fine too. I admire your ability to express your thoughts here. Thanks to you, i started a new thread and we are all posting more.

    Regards,
    Moon

    October 3, 2015 at 11:28 am #84620
    jock
    Participant

    Anita
    now I get it thanks 🙂
    Moon
    keep doin what ya doin, it seems to be workin 🙂

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