Does she not have feelings?

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This topic has 9 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

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September 2, 2015 at 2:18 pm #82734

Issel
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It has been about 10 days since i last spoke to the girl I was involved with for a year and half. She essentially met someone while i was away on vacation. I felt like i pretty much got substituted for someone else. Last we talked she said ” i don’t see us being together, right now. All the feelings i had for you were real and i did mean everything i have ever said to you”. It is what it is. (see my previous post to get the full story)

What i cant seem to grasp is that she seems to act like she is doing perfectly fine is not affected by what has happened considering what we had together. she has not contacted me since and neither have i. I know this because i have her on social media and she is all smiles. To me it makes no sense how someone can just move on just like that. i ask myself on the daily is she feeling the same feelings i am feeling? is she pretending? does she not miss us? how can someone just move on like that and seem to be doing completely fine.

September 2, 2015 at 2:55 pm #82735

Perry
Participant

Chances are it was over for her much before than when she broke it off. Probably happened when that person came into her life. Same thing happened to me. She said “I have no feelings for you anymore. I don’t want us romantically. That ship has sailed”. Forget her and move on. Just like she did to you. You deserve better.

September 2, 2015 at 9:41 pm #82744

Clark
Participant

Hey, remember that the media only shows the highlights of peoples’ lives. Honestly anybody who did that is probably in a bit of a mess at the moment. That really sucks man, my heart goes out to ya.

September 3, 2015 at 6:01 am #82758

brad
Participant

I feel for you, I’m in the same boat.. was with the girl for 8 years, similar story, she started meeting with an old friend, told me she she was done and hadn’t loved me for the last two years and moved on and seems to be unaffected by the loss of me. I feel stuck and alone. everyone says to just move on, find someone new, but it’s easy to just say that. It’s way harder to do.

logically I know it’s over and I don’t want her back, but emotionally I miss the relationship, having someone there.. I think I kind of had all my eggs in one basket and now the basket is empty.

September 3, 2015 at 8:25 am #82770

Anonymous
Guest

Dear rkallas:

I have the answer to your question: yes, she does have feelings.
anita

September 3, 2015 at 10:49 am #82782

Jodi
Participant

It can be so tough to watch someone we love and care for move on so quickly after a break up! Most of us have experienced this at some point in our lives. However, Perry may have hit it on the head when he said that it was probably over for her well before she broke it off with you. You job now is to be gentle with yourself and move on. Remove her from social media so that you don’t have to see her moving on and continue with the no contact. That should makes things a bit less painful. You still have to work through your own pain and focus forward, but not having to see or talk with her will make that easier. Best of luck!

~Jodi

September 5, 2015 at 5:42 pm #82901

Anon Ymous
Participant

Going through the same thing after an 11-year relationship(she announced the divorce over the phone, then 2 weeks later was already sleeping with someone else…). It hurrrrts. Baaad. And she said what folks here are guessing, to me: that she had been thinking about it for awhile. Next question I had on my mind after that is: why couldn’t she have communicated better with me all along? The truth is I already know: she does have feelings, the problem lies in how she’s choosing to deal with them, and how different that is from how I choose to deal with my feelings(her way: closed-in-by-fear vs. my way: out-in-the-open-and-brave).
But eventually, it feels better just to work on restoring my faith in love by keeping whatever dignity I have and moving on in my own way. It can happen faster than you think, too. But never fast enough, hehe. Still, the best thing seems for me to keep moving. Such is life: change, and learning to deal with change.

September 6, 2015 at 9:41 am #82949

Sergio
Participant

I was involved I thought in a serious 10 year relationship,we had ups and downs as does every
Any relationship, we split up 3 months ago and I have good days and I have days that I wish I could just sleep until the next day,or until I wake up and not think or remember her and her two kids…..I have a puppy Boston Terrier and she has been my energy and all my love…I bought the dog for my ex…but my ex threatened to sale her or just get rid of her….I would not allow that so I took her with me…..I am thankful for keeping her……anyway my ex calls me at 2am or 3 am crying and saying she misses us and would like to lay with me again…I am not a mean spirited person at all..but every time she calls I am left completely depressed and confused and of course hurt….I asked her very nicely to please atop calling me or texting me…obviously we do not want the same out of life……HOW DO I GET HER TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE WILL NOT GET BACK TOGETHER EVER AGAIN? MY LIFE IS STUCK IN LIMBO RIGHT NOW……BOSTONDAD420

September 6, 2015 at 9:55 am #82951

Anon Ymous
Participant

@bostondad420
seems like, if you’ve asked her nicely to stop calling and texting, you’ve already done all you can to get her to understand. the main thing now is for you to keep moving on for yourself.
remain firm in your resolve to get what you need out of life. part of that involves learning to move on from worrying about what she thinks or understands. you’ve done all you can, this is probably the final step in moving on from her: letting her figure the rest out on her own, while you keep moving on with what it is you’ve figured out for yourself.

September 6, 2015 at 10:05 am #82952

Anonymous
Guest

* bostondad420:

You asked her nicely and it did not produce the results you need. Then tell her firmly instead of asking her nicely. And change your phone number if that doesn’t work. You worte that you are not a “mean spirited person”- but when you allow her to ignore your need for her to not call you, and as a result, you are left “completely depressed and confused and of course hurt”- then you are being mean to YOURSLEF. So.. you are a mean spirited person to yourself. Taking care of yourself by seeing to it that indeed there is no contact, you will (as a side effect) help her too, or promote the chances that she will help herself.

anita
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