Hi Kyniska,

Our western societies promotes a model of independence, where every man and woman should be able to take care of all their basic needs. They teach us to be strong in the face of adversities. The truth is that we all depend one on another, the economy that sustains us is a net of relationships, religions are communities and government are managed by political parties. Your need to relate to a very important person that can understand you and love completely is not wrong. It is there and it is a worthy goal.
Tough keep in mind that love is a mutual sharing, so if you want to be understood, you should also understand. By understanding you’ll also find new ways to make your mind more clear to the other person and be more easily understood. So start easy, if a person is interested in you as a romantic partner, start a friendship and start to know each other. Do not think whether he will love you or not in the end. Try to get to know him, enjoy the pleasure of welcoming him in your life. Share hobbies, passions, ideas, anything that comes to mind. Little by little, you’ll understand him a bit, he’ll understand you a bit and you’ll be in pleasant friendship. You may realize that you already feel loved in a sense. Then,later you may agree on many things and understand each other completely, then you may call it love and start a relationship.
Anyway, keep looking around and meeting people, as you gain experience with friends it will be easier for you to understand others and make yourself being understood. Moreover, you may be so lucky to find quickly that persons that understands you. Yes, we are so many in the world, I believe there is a fair chance someone lived through your experiences and can guess how you may feel or what your thoughts are.

So, you may try to reflect on a few things. What would you like your future to be? Imagine a typical day, what are you doing? Why are you doing it? Where do you want to go? These may be things you can talk about to a potential new partner.

Hi Kyniska,

Being alone can be tough and the fear of never finding someone special, especially following experiences of heart break can be soul crushing at times. No one in this world can promise that you will find that special someone in your life but the surest way of not finding it is by giving up. When you think about your ideal self, do you see someone who allow fear to dominate her actions or someone who have the courage to take risks and pick herself up even though she experienced disappointments, heartbreaks and sadness along the way?

Even though Hollywood would like to convince us otherwise but relationships are not a cure to our troubles. You said that you want to meet someone special and be happy but I believe that it is actually the other way around: You need to be happy before you are ready to meet someone special. If you meet someone special before you are ready, there is a good chance that the value you place on the relationship and the fear of loosing it will contaminate this experience. Instead of making things ok, it will be even more terrifying because your happiness is now depedant on his approval and this tends to bring out emotions like insecurity, jealousy and fear. Think about what you want in a partner: do you prefer someone who is confident and able to look after their own needs or someone who is dependant on you for their happiness and well being? If it is the former, be that person and you will take a lot of pressure out of being in a relationship with someone.