Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Evil. It has a detailed plan to ruin your life. Ive been following it for years,
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Anonymous.
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April 1, 2017 at 1:52 am #143179
RedeemerParticipantwhat began about 3 hours ago was me just randomly writing some thoughts evolved into an awareness of anger I feel towards God. I am no poet, but I enjoy expressing my feelings, I just wish I was more poetically ietclined….these are my words, im not looking for a soultions, or comments, surely there is someone who can relate. more than a few i am sure. 38 years and its like hey, nice to meet you, authentic self., here meet this other me, your dark pain filled shadow, you know the one you let run your life,
thing is I created her and she just took over and I allowed it.
im shadowed engulfed by darkness, i gasp for air..blow out the light.
ive got a dirty secret to reveal; care to know the hidden me….
everything i fear has cast a shadow over me, its taken over me
im scared all the time, i cant stop thinking, i cant make it go away, why cant i turn away,
where pain and pleasure is to dwell
death is all i see… what have you done with me
chains bind me, bondage keeps me…, im fucking scared.
fuck your power over me
i gave myself over to you. i trusted you. you stole from me, you stole a part of me, a sacred space of vulnerability. all that was innocent was all that was me. and i hate you. you own a part of me.
paraniod of what i may be, i torment me
i wish i could remember how i used to be, before fear took over me. nothing is safe, theres no where to hide.
im slowly dying inside..,some else lives in here with me, im always scared, it torments me eonwhere did yo i own you now
theres no way out and no more light
darkness is my only familiar friend. ive been abandoned for so long,you i can barely recall ever knowing light
give me your will, ill give you lies, lust after me, ill make you cum. for eternity..,give in, give up and follow me
kind impressions mask my evil intentions….
empty yourself to me…welcome to slavery
lwe
April 1, 2017 at 9:44 am #143237
AnonymousGuestDear Reedemer:
I understand the nature of your writing here (I wasn’t clear reading your previous post). Your share reveals a lot. Would you like comments, thoughts, or is this for reading only?
anita
P.S., no profanity please.
April 1, 2017 at 12:26 pm #143269RedeemerParticipantSure if appreciate your insight
It’s just the little me inside that I don’t k ow how to care for..for so long I’ve filled myself with drugs. I used to be one who wanted to quit but couldn’t and now I’m one who can but hasn’t.
I don’t know who I am..i don’t know how to live a fulfilling life. I used to be so strong and I’ve been weak for years..so much of my life has been fear.filled that somewhere along the way I said no more, I’ve stopped poste ing to mysslf. Im not sure who I am. I finally hear a voice in my heart when it’s open,
Where is the passion purpose fulfillment of a life lived on purpose? Where do I seek? I’ve sought it all.
April 1, 2017 at 12:29 pm #143271RedeemerParticipantI feel a deep.scar in me..a what’s wrong with me belief..whats not being enough mean. Like love isn’t enough..
I’ve spent my whole life healing from.my past…im spent. Drugs are done. I do now love myself at least that much to stop that..
I need confidence. Faith
April 1, 2017 at 9:18 pm #143301AnonymousGuestDear Redeemer:
Will be back to your thread tomorrow morning with a … fresh brain, about ten hours from now. I will re-read and reply then. Take care of yourself.
anita
April 2, 2017 at 6:43 pm #143413AnonymousGuestDear Redeemer:
Too much of you is hiding, has been hiding for a very long time. Hiding in the dark, chained, imprisoned. You’ve been hiding for so long, yet you are not safe. You are still afraid. And on top of the fear, you are gasping for air. You are not meant to be hiding, caged- that only adds distress to the existing fear.
The part of you that is hiding, gasping for air, in the dark, that part is still alive and if you set that part free of its cage, it will take some time for you to get used to the light, but then you will live in the light.
It is good you stopped using drugs, as I understand it. The drugs did not stop the fear and did not set you free. Competent psychotherapy can do that, set you free, in the safety of the therapeutic relationship.
anita
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