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Family Argument

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of anita anita 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #124933
    Profile photo of claref
    claref
    Participant

    Hi All.

    My mums side are the family are ‘close’ and we all get together maybe 5/6 times a year. My mum has 3 sisters and everyone is so opinionated of each other that in the past they have said things that are negative and not needed. However, being family – you let this drift away.

    I have just got engaged and i am extremely happy. We have decided to get married abroad. We know weddings aren’t cheap and we have been looking locally but we just aren’t satisfied. Ideally we would run away and do it just us 2 but because we have a big family we know everyone would be annoyed and i would like my parents there at least. However, my grandpparents are old and they wouldn’t be able to come. Now I have considered this and thats why we were looking at local weddings as i didn’t want to upset them. However, after a month of looking we felt all we were doing is creating a wedding to please others. So we have decided that to us what is important is the ‘marriage’ and we want to go to France to do this, whoever wants to join us is welcome.

    My auntie has called me selfish. We understand that to some people we are selfish and their opinions are their own BUT i don’t like how she put it. She said it on a facebook group of about 30 people so everyone could see – it was horrible and we were made to feel like some villains.

    We also are planning an engagement meal and traditionally (many years ago) the parents would pay for the meal. However, this is something I have arranged – not my parents and to be honest i don’t want them paying. Throughout my child hood they were generous in many ways and now I am earning i want to stand on my own two feet. They haven’t even offered – but my auntie phoned me and asked why my parents weren’t paying, she said ‘its bad enough having to pay for our own meal’. I thought it was extremely rude to ask and then i explained and she said ‘well if we know your earning, why aren’t you and Matt paying’. I was gobsmacked that she could be so cheeky and upfront and ask for us to pay, she told us she wasn’t happy that she was having to pay.

    Now you see – her daughter (my cousin) is getting married and she is paying for her daughters wedding, engagement meal everything – so she expects the same in return. However, because she is doing this she now can’t afford to do anything else like come to our engagement meal or wedding abroad. They have a mortgage free house worth £400,000 and don’t work – yet somehow manage to be able to afford a £15,000 wedding for their daughter. It doesn’t make sense.

    These are the only family members who have given their opinion and said we have excluded them. We haven’t whatsoever. I tried to text my cousin as she declined our engagement invite because of the way i spoke to her mum (calling her rude)… I said i wish she could come and our day is very special and i hope she will consider it – trying to not cause a dispute and now she’s saying ‘i don’t agree that we have to pay for your meal’ and ‘i dont agree with getting married abroad’.

    Quite frankly, their reasons are selfish and nothing to do with them! I understand the grandpparents situation entirely and i’m worried about this but we have to do what is right for us. We have even considered a blessing on our return so they can enjoy the weddding day again and a nice meal.

    I don’t know what to do i am so angry and their opinions and hurt of what they have said.

    #124940
    Profile photo of Alien incident47
    Alien incident47
    Participant

    It yuor wedding day be happy, you can’t please everyone . Your marriage is not to based on someone else’s happiness but your own. So if got to cut out some rotten apples to make a good bushel then do so . A wedding day is to celebrate a marriage, and lifetime commitment. Your aunt, in time, will get over her own heartache she caused herself. So feel no blame in others reaction as to what you want for your day . And congratulations and best of wishes to both of you

    #124942
    Profile photo of Alien incident47
    Alien incident47
    Participant

    It your wedding day be happy, you can’t please everyone . Your marriage is not to based on someone else’s happiness but your own. So if got to cut out some rotten apples to make a good bushel then do so . A wedding day is to celebrate a marriage, and lifetime commitment. Your aunt, in time, will get over her own heartache she caused herself. So feel no blame in others reaction as to what you want for your day . And congratulations and best of wishes to both of you

    #124948
    Profile photo of Nan
    Nan
    Participant

    Please yourself first. Her ability to broadcast this on FB, shows a complete lack of respect for you two. Dont start your married life letting others boss you around. It will only get worse.

    #124959
    Profile photo of claref
    claref
    Participant

    I understand.

    Thanks for your help.

    I’m still concerned about my grandma and what we can do as she can’t make it any ideas?

    #124995
    Profile photo of Alien incident47
    Alien incident47
    Participant

    Set time aside and visit her before your day , let her know how much you love her. Take pictures of you and your future husband with her and add them to your wedding album .

    #124996
    Profile photo of Nan
    Nan
    Participant

    Send her a video of the event? Can anyone video it on your behalf and send to her, or have someone in the family help her with viewing it?

    #125123
    Profile photo of joanne elizondo
    joanne elizondo
    Participant

    I just have to this off my just before I loose it forever, I am 57 my brother is 45. We both live with my 82 year old mother. I used to have a job as a Rn and my own home. But I lost it when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2001. In 2013 I moved in with them. About a year after I moved in, it started. My brother has multiple mental issues, he doesn’t work, he has always been very obese. I spoke up saying he needed to help around the house like I do, even with MS. Well there it starts. The fighting and arguing. I spoke to my mother 20 pluse years ago that she needed ot get him to do things. He needs to know haw to help and take care of himself. Over and over I talked to her. “I know, but…” That was the answer I always got. Then when I got sick I spoke to her that he needs to learn certain things and to help because the way this illness goes, I won’t be able to help him when something to you. Again, the same answer. When we spoke about with him, I would bring it up, she would always defend him. Causing a huge argument, names called, silence treatment… It;s been almost three years and the stress from all of this has really taken a toll on my health. My MS before I moved in was stable, yet after I moved in it’s gotten a whole lot worse. He is so lazy, a mommies-boy, thinks only of himself. I hurt my back before Christmas and it wouldn’t occur to him to ask if he could do something for me as I sit crying in pain. He’s lazy, depressed all the time and nothing matters except him/ Please, I desperately need help in handling this before it kills me.

    #125139
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    * Dear toxicbrother: if you want the input of the Original Poster (OP) only, you posted in the correct thread. If you want my input/ other members’ input, please start your own thread: Click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY, click your chosen category, scroll down the page to the empty box. You can copy your post above and paste it there.
    anita

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