Feeling incredibly lonely since the end of a relationship

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This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by BenzRabbit.

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August 17, 2014 at 4:18 pm #63548

Sam
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Hi everyone! So I had a relationship end about a month ago. I won’t go into details mainly because I’m trying to live in the moment and not obsess over it! But ever since then, I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely. I know this is normal and I really just need to be patient because I know time heals and all that. But I’m struggling a lot. I’m at a point in my life when the majority of my friends are either married/having kids, engaged or in long relationships. It seems as though everyone is caught up in their lives and I’m just…stuck. I have a lot of things going for me but I’m still so sad. I’ve been trying to do all those things that people tell you to do like work out, explore new hobbies, focus on all of the good things but I think deep down I’m still hurting so much from my relationship ending. I feel unloved and alone. I also have really bad anxiety so that’s definitely not helping! And this isn’t my first breakup so it’s not like I’ve never been here before. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or I thought he was “the one” (or at least I wanted him to be) but I feel like something is wrong with me! I’ve been craving human interaction of any kind basically 24/7. Ugh!

I know I’m rambling but it would be so great if I could hear from people who have been there or are there and just understand what I’m going through. I really need some positive energy right now! Thanks so much!

August 18, 2014 at 6:23 am #63570

Betty
Participant

I wish you were not feeling so blue. As you know we all go through the pain of break ups. It’s not an unusual feeling. Maybe you can send good vibes to all that are suffering just like you. Or maybe you can find someone that could use some help and help them. Maybe there is someone lonely at an old age home you could help or…. Helping others often makes you feel better. In the long run maybe cultivate more friends. A wide variety of them, so when you go through struggles in the future you have more people to reach out to. Maybe some of the friends are just for one hobby, others for professional improvement, others for intimate conversations,…. I did this friend building in the past and I just went through a break up. I now have more people to reach out to and it is helping me get through this one better. Hang in there!

August 18, 2014 at 10:03 am #63587

Whit
Participant

I’ve been there girl and I’m sort of dealing with it now, we just aren’t broken up. It’s weird. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What I had to do before is realize that i’m the cause of everything in my life. I started keeping myself busy and planning out my days. Going to the movies alone, going on nature walks, just getting out and active. You really have to just train your mind to think about something else when you go to those low spots. Conditioning it. How are you doing now?

August 19, 2014 at 4:49 am #63623

Sam
Participant

Thank you!! I felt better actually after posting that. Maybe I just needed to write it down. Weekends also seem hard as I’m busy but I’m not interacting with as many people. I think I’m going to try harder to make sure I’m being social on the weekends as well. I actually went to a meetup last night and met a few nice people!

Whit – I’m sorry you’re going through something similar. I agree training yourself to think about something else and just staying busy helps to keep your mind off of it. I hope everything gets better for you as well.

August 19, 2014 at 6:53 am #63631

Tracey
Participant

Hi Bren, that sounds so much like me about 8 months ago and I do still have my bad days… but it does get better and brighter. I also suffer anxiety which it got really bad with I split with my fiance. I had the extreme lonliness and lost feeling 🙁 it is the most horrible feeling. But I prayed that it would change and gradually it has. I do believe you must get out and socialise and meet new people. Not referring to men, but hey when you feel ready there is no harm in having some nice male company 🙂 … this was my second big split and serious heartbreak, I am 37 and I wish I could be guaranteed that it would never happen again, but unfortunately life is weird like that. Try and focus on trying to be strong for yourself and build up a good friendship circle. I made the mistake of dating a guy about 2 months ago and it made me worse as I was still anxious and wasnt ready mentally for it. Hugs to you and believe me it will get better and you WILL meet someone else and fall in love again. Life is all about LOVE 🙂 xx

August 20, 2014 at 5:08 am #63695

Sam
Participant

Thank you, Tracey! I needed to hear that. I definitely get stuck in the “no one will ever love (or like) me again” mentality. Why do we do that to ourselves?! It’s almost like our minds are trying to sabotage us. I did meet some new friends the other night and it was nice to have new connections and especially nice to not have people constantly ask me if my ex and I have talked (ummm no of course not! haha). I’m glad things have gotten better for you. It seems as though you are in a much better place and it gives me hope I will get there too!

August 20, 2014 at 8:37 am #63704

Shawn McKibben
Participant

Hi Bren. I know what you’re going through. There was a point in my life where I felt so alone and scared after a breakup from a serious relationship. I recently wrote about lessons everyone can learn from being single that I wish I knew then. I encourage you to do more things that help you keep your life in perspective. A useful tool I’ve used is to draw a long timeline of my life from the day I was born to the age I believe I will die. Then, draw a space representing the time of the relationship or when you’ve been in relationships. It reminded me of how this period in our lives is just a tiny fraction of the possibilities ahead. It might sound silly, but I like to do more things that get me out of my head and look at things more objectively. Hope it helps you. Hang in there, things will get better!

August 24, 2014 at 6:28 pm #63877

Sam
Participant

Hi Shawn! I love that idea of thinking about how much time that relationship took up compared to my whole life. When I think about my life up to now and how much life I hopefully have left, a year really isn’t that much time. I’ve also been trying to tell myself that I’ve gotten through (much worse) breakups before so I can do it again!

August 25, 2014 at 1:54 am #63882
popi
Participant
@Bren
you’re not stuck! This feeling is in your mind and stops you from being happy (or finding a partner).Try to see things logically.You are here you live for the moment,do everything to make yourself feel happy.You are the most valuable thing you have.You must take care of yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with you…When we’re in love we use to prettify PEOPLE and things,so when we get out of this situations,our walls break down.
After a divorce we need to focus on ourselves because the strength we had we gave it all to the ex! our loved ones.
but it’s time to give love to ourselves..we must be happy and lovable by us and no need of others to make us liked.
Treat yourself good… the good feelings and the good thoughts will help you! That’s all…That is how we get out of difficult times.Think positive until you get the habit !!!
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by popi.
September 6, 2014 at 5:31 pm #64487

BenzRabbit
Participant

Hi Bren,

You have been given some good advice above.

Please listen to this one song called ‘You are loved’ by Josh Groban – it helped me get through some very tough times and hope it works for you too – here is the link:

God bless !
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