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Finding Myself

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  • #61946
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    I posted earlier in the relationship section on a topic that is near and dear to my heart.

    I am trying to work on myself and I just can not get it together !! I am failing as a father and not doing much to get my relationship back to where it was with my kids and GF. I sit around , read all types of blogs and self improvement, motivational stuff and I go to counseling once a week. All of this looks good… but I can not get it to kick me in the butt to do something.. I talk everyones ear off about my issues, but I can to seem to put them behind and move forward to be positive as I use to be!

    #61950
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m exactly with you on this my friend. I read constantly, try to thi k positively but the past and the hurt is still winning for the moment, this too is what I’m trying to accept and move past.

    Accepting, letting go, forgiving makes so much sense, but for me it’s easier said then done.. This is the struggle for me too.

    Thinking about you my friend.

    #61951
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Caring Guy,

    This will be unpopular advice, but it is sound.

    Your prime purpose right now is for the kids.

    If your relationship with the GF isn’t working swimmingly on its own, cast her loose. Don’t work on that relationship at all. Focus solely on the kids. When we have one focus, one thing, and are solely devoted to it and not divided, Life works itself out. Miraculously. All else is a mere distraction.

    Later, when the kids are adults, you will have your pick of awesome relationships to work with and choose from. Do you know why? Because you will now be the Master of Relationships. But it starts with your Family.

    Just my Opine!

    #61952
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    Thanks… but everyone tells me I need to break from all (GF and Kids) to work on me. I just do not know how to work on me… do not know where to start!! I do not have any addiction issues. I am very alone ( friends / family are 800 miles away.) I just find myself sitting in my room and looking for help on the web. I keep saying I need to get up and move around ( I did go out to the store yesterday for about an hour)

    #61953
    Inky
    Participant

    What. No. Move 800 miles and be next to your fam. Reconnect with your kids. That is how you work on yourself, actually.

    #61954
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    I do not want to be that far from my kids … that is one of my issues. My had a rocky relationship with my father growing up and in my teens and adult life. I do not want to see that happen with mine.

    #62170
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Wow it sounds like you’re in a rut. Maybe you could reconnect with your family? I don’t know. Say that you need help taking care of your children in order to help yourself.

    #62171
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    @Aiyana Henderson
    Yes I am trying to work on that everyone seems to want a break from me

    #62172
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks everyone. Hey INKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY @inky, any new poems ?

    Hi Caring Guy

    When your loved ones wish to take a break from you as they want you to work on yourself, there is an innate problem. Family and partners are meant to be there with us to support us during the INWARD journey and not forsake us. Something is not adding up here.

    Hey, are you keen to listen to some you tube videos, which can help with your queries ? They are in English and delivered by an Indian spiritual teacher who is also a professional in her real life. Let me know if you are keen. I will post a link.

    Best wishes

    Jasmine

    #62173
    Nick
    Participant

    Caring Guy, we all are seeking ourselves, you aren’t alone. I think why so many of us get lost finding who we are is due to our investments to society. Hang with me here… Our job, our good reputation to uphold, our regrets, our future plans, our material possessions, etc… We become all these things and it’s who we are to everyone else around us. But, who are we to ourselves? We get overwhelmed with society’s “traps,” if you will, and begin to deal with it in unique ways. Sometimes its anger, sometimes we have shopping addictions, some of us overeat, we smoke, cut ourselves, abuse alcohol, do drugs, etc… all these things are distractions from ourselves as well as distractions from society… It’s how we blindly attempt to deal with it all and it’s a very lonely middle ground that has no benefit in any possible way.

    So, my invitation to you is to take a week off of society. Yes, society. Not a vacation, like most of us think of when we take a vacation (That would be another lonely way to deal with the stress of society and get you nowhere, just like the alcoholic, the smoker, the hoarder, etc.). This means take enough time away from work, family, friends, habits, everything gets left behind for a few days. Do what you need to do to help those understand who deserve to know your plan. Don’t feel like you’re betraying anyone because the people you love need someone you can be proud to call yourself, so they want this as much as you do, if they truly love you and understand. Then, plan something out you would never think to do… Hike a mountain, bike to another state, go camping, swim the damn atlantic ocean. I don’t care what it is, but go nuts with this week off. Most likely, if you succeed, you will find a place “alone” enough to find a glimpse of yourself when there are no distractions remaining. All that stress will leave the body. First, before anything is accomplished, you will probably cry, and cry very hard. Anger, stress, pain, fear… it will all turn into tears (its pure form). From there, progress can be made. Your body cleanses that way to prepare for a new person (you). Out there on this journey of yours, there is nobody to judge you, nobody to ridicule you, nobody and nothing who/that can lead you astray. With no judgements, who else can you be other than yourself? Imagine how good that will feel to truly be yourself and get in touch with your soul once again… Good luck, friend!

    #62215
    Inky
    Participant

    Hey @Jasmine-3 !

    A poem is in me, I’m going to let it percolate today and see how the brew is tomorrow! Any special requests??

    Hey, OP, that’s an idea ~ write a kick-azz poem. It sounds like you have turned your anger inward and are now a sad panda. Write a poem that tells everyone like it is! Then in RL go back to your fam. and say, “Listen to me, girls (even if they’re boys) I’m your Father! That’s Father with a Capital F! And unlike other sorry losers, I’m not going anywhere! So don’t act ungrateful, in a way that makes me possibly much more than you deserve!”

    Then camp out in your car in their driveway eating nothing but rice if you have to. You ~ and they ~ are family. You are the father? Act it! Tell them what to do! A son? Act it! Do favors for the rents, ask for their advice. A cousin? Act it! Say, “Hey cuz, how’s it goin’?” etc.

    #62216
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    @nick

    Thanks I am trying to. I have unfortuantly been secluding myself to my home and trying somehow to get a light under my butt to do something
    Just feel out of sort


    @Jasmine-3

    I have been spending alot of time watching stuff on line

    #62222
    Matt
    Participant

    Caring guy,

    Less words, more action. Less wallowing in confusion, more exploring. Less whining, more accepting. You sound saturated brother, swamped. Head out somewhere, naturey, beautiful, and set aside all the seeking. Try just being there for awhile. Finding ourselves is less “staring at it”, more “letting the unimportant fall aside, so we can be present.”

    Go play, seriously! Well, not “seriously” play, play playfully. But, seriously, go play! Wake up the kid, he’s bored!

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #62232
    Caring Guy
    Participant

    @MATT,
    Yes… totally saturated and swamped. My life has become consumed with all of this going on with me.

    #62328
    peacewithin
    Participant

    I don’t really know what your current situation with your girlfriend is but it sounds that your kids are your strength and you want to do anything to get yourself feeling better again.

    I can tell you i can relate even though i don’t have children my only strength to keep going was my parents when i “felt lost” and did soul searching, tried yoga, meditating but felt like nothing “worked”, or so i thought but i think it had to do with myself.

    I wanted to skip all the steps of losing someone (break up) and wanted to go straight to feeling better but no matter how much i tried i think i had to experience the grieving process (denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

    Finally when i accepted what had happened i was able to really comprehend how yoga and meditating helps, i wish i knew i could implement both at the same time but i guess we all have to go through it differently and learn from all of our experiences.

    Give yourself the chance to grieve and accept it, whatever your situation may be, if you don’t accept it how can you begin to change it? i know you don’t feel it now but the only way to find yourself is to lose yourself. it helps to write things down and focus on one thing at a time because you are going through many things at once and it doesn’t help to feel overwhelmed (easier said than done i know) but when you feel overwhelmed you feel like hiding and hoping things will get better on their own but they won’t, so focus on one thing at a time because i am sure things didn’t go from good to bad in one day so the same is when you are trying to “fix” things you can only do one at a time just like the domino effect. Small steps lead to bigger goals and remember you can’t “fix” anyone you can only “fix” yourself.

    Hope it helps.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)

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