When I lost my mother there was no time to grieve as my husband was also dying of cancer.  He passed only a short time after my mother’s passing.There was so much to do after my husband’s death because we owned our own business and I was left to fill those shoes on my own. In some ways I felt I needed to move forward to show my 4 adult children that I would be strong.  Strong for their Dad and strong for them.  I put my true feelings aside and felt their pain.   It wasn’t until 4 years had passed that the word “grief” even registered with me.  Up until then, it was just a word.  I honestly didn’t know what it meant or what grief felt like.  I had already cried from the bottom of my soul.  I wondered, is this grief?

.  I remember only a few days after my husband’s funeral I was sitting at the graveside of my mother and husband.  A women passing by asked if the graves I was visiting were close to me.  I told her yes, one was my mother and one was my husband of 34 years.  Her response was: “Well honey, it doesn’t get any better… And your life will forever be changed.”   In that moment, I felt overwhelmed.  I judged this woman as being very negative.  But 6 years have gone by and I can now validate that losing another does change your life.  The part I don’t agree on is that the pain of loss doesn’t get any better.After I spent 12 weeks in a grieving group it helped me to “Complete my Pain”. I learned that two people can experience the same loss, such as a mother or both lose a husband, and their grief will be experienced completely different.  That is why when someone tells you they know how you feel it is not so comforting.  Your loss , your pain, is yours. It belongs to you and only you can complete it.

Through a series of written assignments and sharing not only  experiences but positive and negative memories of my lifetime with my husband, I slowly completed my pain.   Grief  is more than just a word to me now.  It is more than crying from the bottom of my soul. It is validating and expressing the good, the bad, and any unspoken words between you and the person you have lost.    Death is a part of our life journey.  Each and every one  of us will eventually experience  death. For those  To lose a loved one? Yes, it hurts like no other pain but life does get better.  Today I feel very comforted by my brushes of sadness. Sometimes they are soft brushes and other times they hit like a title wave. It is in these moments that I feel my mothers love and I feel the closeness of my husband.  They will always be with me.  If that is grief then I don’t ever want it to leave me completely.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by Jennifer Breniff.

If I were not a spiritual or religious person, I don’t know how I would have survived the grief. By age 19, I had experienced more than my share of grief for my lifetime. This has prepared me for the inevitable future grief. I know what to expect. The unexpected. And to cherish your own life and those you love while we are still together on earth. Since I went through so much grieving so early. I feel that if life throws me a curveball, I can get through it just fine.

When my best friend died of cancer at 45 years old, I was shocked. I had only seen her a few days before and had not realized those would be our last moments together. Lucille was more than a friend, she was like a sister to me. We spent a lot of time together and she came into my life when I first arrived in this country from England, at exactly the right time for me. She showed me who I was more than any other person I have ever known. Her love was unconditional and always there for me. Even though I was the one who helped her through chemo, radiation and a mastectomy, it was she helped me to know and love myself. We were on a spiritual journey together and I was amazed that at one time she was able to say “thank God for cancer” because it brought so much love and support into her life.
When she actually died I was not angry. I was sad because we were so close and I missed her laugh, love and beauty in my life. The sadness did not last very long, because what I focused on was the years we had together. I only thought about all of the good and wonderful things about our friendship, how much we did, how much we shared and the fact that I know we will meet again.
I feel blessed to have experienced her loving energy with me several times during meditation sessions and have felt her energy around me at other times. I am never sad when I think of her, even though I have tears running down my face, I focus on all the happiness and joy she brought into my life and how much I am grateful for the years of friendship we shared, which some people never, ever experience.
I hope this helps.
Marilyn