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HELP! Should I move on or not?

HomeForumsRelationshipsHELP! Should I move on or not?

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  • #121740
    Elysia
    Participant

    I’ve been with my partner for two years now. After 3 months I moved into his family home with his mum because of my living situation. At the time we thought it would be okay. We shared a medium size room at the back of the garden which had been build a few years back for more space. Very happy together and in love. My partner started to suffer with serious back issues and had to quit his job, leaving myself to pay the rent and bills, which I did in a heartbeat for him to get better! We had a tough few months as I was also at university in my final year. He then decided he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me 1 year into our relationship as we didn’t have enough space and he didn’t see a future with me. I packed up all my belongs completely heartbroken and went back to my parents house! He turned up 4 days later saying he made a big mistake and apologied to me and my family! I moved back in with him and we was happy together again. He then underwent a big spinal operation to which I stayed with him the whole time helping him get dressed, cleaned and financially supporting him as you do when you love someone. Living in the back room, we were constantly in each other spaces and always together. Due to him being unwell his mum was very much involved in our relationship – which is understandable when your son is ill. However 9 months later after all of his spinal problems and operations, she has now become very much involved in our personal space and lives, which has a negative effect on our relationship. We really wanted to save and move out to get our own place and have more space because living in one room was driving us both insane and we started to get angry and each other for no reason. He then got a job and we was so happy as it was starting to look like a possibility. Two days ago we had an argument which lead to him again saying he doesn’t want to be with me, we have nothing in common, we don’t have any space and he wants to be alone now. Again i’m having to pack my belonging and find my own room to rent. I’m completely devastated as I have given everything to him and done everything for him and I feel although I have been used this whole time!

    I don’t know what to do. He claims to still love me but needs space and doesn’t want to be with me or anyone. Should I move on and completely remove him from my life or hold on? We have been through so much it seems ridiculous to give up on our relationship for only temporary problems?

    #121743
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear elysiaknight:

    Last time he said similar things to you and you went back to your parents’ house, he came back to you four days later asking for a getting-back together. Now that it happened again, it will be silly for you to leave again, only to have him asking you back. It is too much trouble for you and it is not right that you will suffer again in the same process of moving out and then moving back again.

    He may be too distressed, again, because of lack of space, his mother’s involvement, his health issues and he desperately needs a break. What I suggest is to give him the break he needs by him moving away from the room you share. This time he needs to move, for 4 days, to see what his state of mind will be after he calms down.

    When he gets his space this way, then the two of you can talk. There is a lot to talk about. What do you think about my suggestion so far?

    anita

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