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How to deal with my husband\'s family? Please advise!

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #112751
    rose stuart
    Participant

    Hi, everyone! I’m new around and hurt drove me out here and found you guys! I’m not in a very positive place right now! Just been told by my older brother in law( husband’s brother) that me and my child are disturbing him and that we shouldn’t enter his courtyard. all because my daughter entered his paved courtyard with her roller skates going to play with his child. This is not the first time he’s doing this, in 10 years since I’ve known him he’s been up to a lot of ugly things, the kind that curl your hair up. in several occasion my husband stood up for us, in some he ignored and asked me to do the same. Just early in the day my daughter told me( she’s eight) that his wife rejected her and told her to go away and play with kids her age( their child is 2 yo). She is quite weird in general and is not the 1st time she’s sending her away/ rejecting her. I do remember a time when she was 2 and knocked at their door and asked to come in and play with them and they did not answered. My daughter stood there for minutes and begged to be let in and play with her uncle and aunt. they never opened! I took her away and cried along with her of anger, disappointment and what not! it was then that I realized what kind of people they are! Today I said: I did not know our presence bother you, I’m sorry! and he said: ”yes, it does, and please get out! and I say this nicely! If you wanna take it nice, if not…your business! I did not paved my yard for your daughter!”I left…and cried as soon as I arrived home( we are neighbours). I know I shouldn’t drop a tear but I did. My husband doesn’t know yet and don’t know how to tell him. They don’t have the greatest relationship, he knows his brother’s attitude and rejects his points of view. I’m afraid he’ll just say: Don’t go there again! Let him be, he’s an idiot! I must mention that his entire family is a bit weird, like they fight and call themselves names and in 30 min talk again and laugh. I’m not like that, I cannot go over just like that, let someone treat me like trash and quickly forget about it. I’ve tried before hiding situations but burst into tears as soon as my husband entered the door. I’m the kind of person that cannot hide feelings, you can read on my face what’s inside, I’m very emotional by nature…
    Please advise! how do I deal with brother in law, how do I bring this up to my hubby? Thanks

    #112764
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rose2504:

    I am trying to understand your motivation: are you trying to make your brother in law change his mind and let your daughter and you into his private property? Is this your goal… otherwise, what is it that you are aiming at?

    anita

    #112826
    rose stuart
    Participant

    Hi, Anita! When I said how to deal with my brother in law I didn’t meant making him change his mind. I meant: should I kick his child out of my private property too when they come round? Is this really how a family should be? Kick ourselves out because you cannot stand other people children around? I must mention we were all together for welcoming party( they moved abroad, come twice a year home), birthday parties, Christmas and New Years. He’s talking trash about every member of his family in front or behind their back. I think me being there, at that time just filled the glass, there were other kids of the family and aunts, grandmother, etc. Us showing up and him reacting like that I think was a bit like an indirect message to the others that he’s not happy with them being there. Never mind!
    I told my husband what happened and he was very upset! he was more upset with me because he saw I’ve been crying over this! His exact words were: ask a person what they don’t have: BRAINS! he said I should apply the same treatment to them, not answer their phone calls anymore( she often turns to me for advice when baby is sick), not talk to them. I would have been gutted if he said: just get over it! and would have been forced to interact with these ”kind” people again. I think I turned the other cheek with my brother in law more than I should have, just not to cause fights inside the family but I’ll not accept this again.

    #112843
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rose stuart:

    I think that NOT turning the other cheek to your brother in law is a very good idea. If he doesn’t want you on his private property, then of course he must not enter your private property. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t have any communication whatsoever with a person who doesn’t want you on their property.

    If his child comes to your home, you shouldn’t be rude to the child. Let his child or children in as long as their father does not come in and as long as you have no communication with him whatsoever.

    Sure, family shouldn’t be like this, but you can’t force your brother in law- or anyone- to behave differently. You can only choose how you behave. So unless the brother in law initiates a sincere apology and makes up for his behavior, then stay away from his property and his life.

    If your husband wants to associate with his brother, then your husband should meet his brother outside your home, outside your property and without you.

    What do you think…?

    anita

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