How to free yourself from fear

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This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by Mark.

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July 20, 2016 at 4:18 am #110115

Tina
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Hi, just new to the forum! I have reached a point in my life where I know things have to change, I’m exhausted from running and racing to please everyone, working in a toxic environment, not trusting my husband, overthinking everything constantly, withdrawing from everyone when it all gets too much & then feeling guilty because i’ve left everyone down. It’s never ending.

But at the root of everything is fear – Fear of saying no to people, fear i’ll loose my job if I stand up for myself, scared to trust my husband in case he leaves me, scared to let my family know I need help and down time every now and then in case they think I’m weak and not coping. Scared to stop overthinking things in case i’m not prepared for every outcome. Scared to not feel guilty because would that mean I don’t care enough.

Would love to hear if anyone has been able to master letting go of their fear and just be free – I would love that – to just be me, relaxed & fearless 🙂

Tina

July 20, 2016 at 4:58 am #110116
Inky
Participant
Hi Tina,

One quote that helped me was, “Things turn out one way or another”.

Another one is, “What’s the worst that can happen? Now answer the question”.

Another time I was driving down the road and some cops had to block my road. I overheard the young cop say to the older one, “What if they get mad?” and the response was, “Let them get mad.” In that moment I swear I had a mini enlightenment!

You find a new job and then leave the toxic one. There will be change!

You confront your husband about your distrust. Let’s say he leaves. There will be a huge relief (believe it or not!).

You say “No” to people. They yell, pout, guilt trip, and are desperately unhappy. You look at them and think, “Huh, isn’t that interseresting how their heads spin around…”

I have yet to get rid of fear, but every year I’m that much closer to not thinking about what other people think and their agendas.

Best,

Inky
- This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
July 20, 2016 at 5:12 am #110118

Inky
Participant

Another concept: How come other people are allowed to be weak and not coping but we aren’t? How come others get all the support in the world? Why is one person’s hang nail a big deal and we’re bleeding out over here??

I’m dealing with this too as I have yet to go to therapy. As if that proves I’m a mess or the weak zebra on the Serengeti.

Read Bene Browne’s books on shame and vulnerability. Any one of them. They are awesome. She is also on Ted Talks.

July 20, 2016 at 10:19 am #110140

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Tina:

I am trying to handle fear, been working on it for a long time, persistently, every day. Fearless- not possible, not permanently. “Every one of us has to find a way to live with fear”- a line from a poem. But if you examine your fear, the beginning of it, you can peel off a whole lot of it, of what is not necessary to fear anymore. This is what I am finding out.

If you look back, however far back you can, what was your fear about then- and still?

anita

July 20, 2016 at 4:33 pm #110168

Mark
Participant

Hi Tina (and I think this post may help Anita and Inky, too)

I have read a lot of self-help books, but one of the ones that helped me the most was “Slowing Down to the Speed of Life.” The authors claimed that a lot of times people approach their problems like you do, Tina: analytically, methodically, trying to see all the possible angles. But that’s actually the exact opposite of what a person should do. Instead, when you are stuck on a problem, try to find your “flow state” where you are not thinking or worrying and just doing. It’s a soft, balanced focus. The secret is sort of stepping back and just watching your thoughts go by WITHOUT responding to them. That just gives them power and strengthens them. Just notice. Then let go. Don’t get caught up in “thought storms”. The longer you are in your flow state, the longer the universe has to develop the solutions to your problems.

Next time you feel that fear, do something you love. Create something beautiful. In my experience beauty is a powerful antidote to worry and fear.
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