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How to stop moving too fast with a new relationship

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Inky.
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  • March 29, 2015 at 12:19 pm #74593
    Paul
    Participant

    I am recently separated and would like to begin a “new” relationship. Actually, I’ve made the attempt with a couple of women this past year only to have them be short lived because I feel I moved too fast and perhaps “scared” them away. I am one of those hopeless romantics and very kinetic (hugging, kissing, etc) in my approach. If someone now pays “attention” I steamroll ahead as if invited into some special exclusive relationship. Wearing my heart on my sleeve doesn’t help either. I can’t rewire my emotions or how they’re expressed . I ‘ve come to the “place” where I’ll just let it “happen” and the right person will appear and I’ll know it . The love at first sight kind of experience.
    I know that sounds like a dream world expectation and unrealistic but I still hold on to the possibility . Perhaps I’m just a bit too needy which I’m sure can be a turn off.
    Any help with this dilemna ??

    March 30, 2015 at 2:18 am #74643
    Will
    Participant

    What’s the dilemma? You have made clear you do not believe in the possibility of changing your approach, and it fits in with how in your view relationships should happen (a love at first sight kind of experience). Even though you’re aware it’s unlikely to work, you are determined to hold on to this view.

    So what’s the dilemma? You know what you want, you know it’s not likely to happen, you don’t believe in change, so there you go. Good luck with that.

    I hope it happens for you.

    PS: I don’t agree with you that you can’t “rewire” your emotions or the way you express them. But what I believe isn’t actually important here.

    • This reply was modified 9 years ago by Will.
    March 30, 2015 at 6:16 am #74645
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Paul,

    Yeah, I agree with Will.

    I love the title of the book Three Cups of Tea. The premise for the title is: In that part of the world you don’t ask anything from anyone without having “three cups of tea”. That means three social visits that might take all afternoon. No pressure. No diving right in. Just hanging out, enjoying each other’s company.

    As a girl AND an introvert, it is a real turn off for me personally when someone is all touchy-feely. One caveat: if I have already decided I really am fond of somebody, that is the one exception!

    I would say: A hug in greeting. A hug when leaving. And a touch on the upper arm.

    Proceed three cups of tea style from there.

    Inky

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