Hello there,
I hope everything is going well/ improving in all aspects of your life; personal and professional. Doing everything for your roommate not only crippled her, but you as well. Embrace the gift of separation from her and continue to work on yourself. No contact is certainly a great tool for all of us that have experienced relationships with people that have greater struggles. If you ever do run into her or she tries to contact you, apologizing to you for her behavior, etc. If want to remain NC then go ahead, or if you are still feeling responsible/guilty, accept her apology and then continue with your life. There is a ton of information about no contact online and for those individuals that have gone months and even years, the guilt that they once felt inside for somebody else’s behavior goes away and if they ever do run into that person again, they either a. stay NC or b. acknowledge the person with no regard/care and move on. They leave that person to go with the wind.
Take what you learned from this experience and in the future if you have another roommate practice that assertiveness and vocalization.
Take Care

Hey you,

To be honest, you seem to have a decent handle on this situation. Yes, assertiveness rather than *~*kindness*~* (actually, avoidance and resentment) would have been a more helpful approach here. But you know what? It’s done. You handled it as best you could with the knowledge and experience available to you at that time, and you made it through ok. It was horrible, but here you are, and you have more knowledge now, and more experience, and you can practice assertiveness in the future.

That’s all you need to do. If you start beating on yourself again, just give that self a time-out. Be like: “Hey, self, I don’t like it when you talk to me like that. I did what I did, and got the results that I got. I learned from it, and this case is now closed.”

Let go. Keep letting go. Be kind to yourself, including your past self, who didn’t know how to handle the situation and was under a lot of pressure. She doesn’t need more judgement now for not handling everything as best as freaking possible. We all lose our temper sometimes. Past you was a human, and deserving of love despite occasional “mistakes”.

I’m full of nothing but understanding and friendliness for past you, and I hope with time you can be, too.

EDIT: I just wanted to make clear that this kind of *~*kindness*~* is exactly the kind I suffer from, and I have been in your shoes. It doesn’t mean my kindness isn’t valid or real, it is. It just means that I need to keep an eye on how I really feel when I’m doing someone else’s washing up, and picking up someone else’s socks from the livingroom floor. Kindness is a feeling. May it grow in you and me and all.

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by Will.