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I feel stuck and I hate it.

HomeForumsTough TimesI feel stuck and I hate it.

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #122823
    Danielle
    Participant

    First of all, let me apologize for the long (possibly whiny) post.

    I’m 21 years old and have lived in the same 10-mile radius my entire life. I want to go somewhere new, have new adventures. I also want to get a new job, preferably one doing something I love (something with animals or human rights). I have all these big dreams and aspirations, but I don’t feel like I can reach any of them.

    My current job is decent enough. It pays the bills, and I don’t hate it with a fiery passion. I just don’t like it. It’s not fulfilling to me. Of course, I’m on the very bottom of the food chain, but I don’t feel I’ll ever be able to move up due to my mental problems (major depression and OCD). I have an accommodation where I can take up to 7 days off per month, so I feel like people will never take me seriously if I apply for a higher position. “Well, you’re crazy, so why should we give you a promotion?” I’m terrified that they’ll ask me something like that and I won’t know the answer. Of course, I know my higher-ups wouldn’t ask me that, but it’s a major source of anxiety for me.

    Speaking of major sources of anxiety, I’m so scared that I’ll spend the rest of my life not doing what I want to. Ideally, I’d like to live in a warm, nice climate (so that I don’t have SAD for half the friggin’ year) and have a job doing something I like. I’m passionate about spreading awareness of mental illnesses, human rights, animals, and some other things. I’d really love to be a teacher, but I don’t think I’d be very good at that. For whatever reason, though, I just can’t see myself ever being happy. I don’t feel like I have a plan for my life because I don’t know what to do to get to where I’d like to be.

    Another problem with living in the same place as I did when I was a child is the memories of the abuse I went through. My mom has a lot of mental illnesses herself, and my dad is a major alcoholic. He would often berate my mom for “being worthless and lazy” because her illnesses prevented her from working or doing a lot of things around the house. Of course, those words come back to haunt me now when I’m too sad to get out of bed or clean or cook or whatever. it just feels like everything I see, everywhere I go has some bad memory attached to it, you know?

    I don’t know where my life is going, and that scares me. With my OCD, I like to be in control of everything and uncertainty bothers me… a lot.

    If you have any advice, I’d love to hear it. Otherwise, just know that I deeply appreciate you reading this far and letting me vent.

    #122834
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cestdanielle:

    You wrote that you suffer from OCD and major depression, that your mother is suffering from a lot of mental illnesses and that your father is a major alcoholic.

    Do you believe you were born with OCD and major depression (these being genetic), or do you believe these are the result of the abuse you suffered at home, abuse inflicted on you by your mother and father?

    anita

    #122835
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear cestdanielle,

    As per what i have read, your current situation is this –

    You are 21
    Live in a particular region
    You work in a job that pays bills but you don’t like too much
    You have had a troubled home life
    You lack self confidence, suffer from anxiety

    You want to stay in same place
    But move away too

    However it is difficult to make this change.

    Have I understood correctly so far?

    I won’t ask you to go to therapy and sort of out the past. It is recommended though because there appears to be a lot of the past to sort out, lot of distorted thinking etc.

    I would suggest you spend some minutes of the day without gadgets, technology or people to unwind into something like needlework or painting which requires concentration but is not mentally taxing. Your mind needs rest, it is much like a fast flowing furious stream of thoughts now without enough focus. That’s why you can’t see clearly beyond the body’s frightened, stressed state.

    Also start a practise of breathing exercises like alternate noistril breathing and other pranayam. Writing down thoughts would help too.

    And lastly, I want to say it’s okay. Things are uncertain now but i suppose the whole point of this difficult situation now is to teach you the skills to come out of it. Those skills in turn will help you throughout in your life – things like regulating your emotional state, staying calm, grappling with uncertainity. You are doing alright though and asking good questions through this turmoil period. Its a gradual process and things do change with time.

    What do you think?

    Regards
    Nina

    #122838
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    And sorry about a few typos here and there – it’s a bit difficult to type on the phone 🙂

    #122853
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Do try this if you get time –

    #122855
    Danielle
    Participant

    Anita,
    I honestly think it’s a little of both. I think there are genetic factors that play into it (particularly from my mom), but I think it’s also a direct result of how I learned to interact with the world. I didn’t learn a healthy way of looking at or doing things. All I had for role models were my parents which, as you can tell, weren’t the best people to imitate.

    Nina,
    Yes, I think that’s about it.

    I think you’re right about the whole taking-time-to-unwind thing. My OCD makes is extremely difficult for me to relax, especially in my current situation. I live in an apartment, and I’m constantly worrying about whether or not I’m being too loud. My upstairs neighbors are also pretty loud, so I’m always waiting for them to start up again.

    I’ve tried painting, crocheting, journaling, drawing, and a few other things, but none have really helped me relax. The only time I find I’m truly relaxed is when I’m asleep (when I’m not having nightmares, that is). Do you have any recommendations on how I can find something to relax me that will actually work?

    I’ll definitely check out that video when I get home from work!

    Thank you both for your responses! 🙂

    #122862
    Peter
    Participant

    I’m so scared that I’ll spend the rest of my life not doing what I want to

    The source of the fear you’re experiencing in the present is coming from an imagined future.
    The purpose of fear is to get our attention so that we might deal with what it’s pointing to.
    As this fear is coming from a possibility that hasn’t happened yet you can change the story and start working toward your hopes by turning them in to goals. Avoid living in a imagined Future and return to the Present.

    Dreams and hopes that never become goals are fantasies.

    It could be that if you are focusing on the feelings that the fear creates is what is keeping you stuck.
    Fight, flight or freeze. In this case the fear of a imagined future seems to be keeping you frozen. As this the fear is about a future that has not happened yet you have space to create a plan and respond (fight) to the fear and not react (freeze)

    Examine your fears and let them teach you and they will dissipate.

    Fear is more often than not False Evidence Appearing Real. Mediate on the stories you are telling yourself and take your eyes off any false evidence. Live now

    The car goes where the eyes go. If you focus on the fear you will create it, take your eyes off the false stories and instead focus on where you want to go (goals).

    #122863
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cestdanielle:

    You are welcome.

    I have suffered from OCD and Major Depression since early childhood and for most of my life. I was diagnosed with the two as well (in adulthood). My OCD was much more intense than it is now- I performed lots of rituals (the Compulsion part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) so to neutralize the danger in the thoughts that occurred to me. I believe that my OCD as well as other mental disorders were the result of the abuse I suffered as a child.

    My advice to you is to move away from your family, from your parents. Like you wrote, being continuously reminded of past abuse and negative experiences by seeing the same people and places, is counter productive to healing.

    Attend competent psychotherapy, before and/ or after the move.

    The things you want to do, these are possible for you, if you take one step at a time: the two above.

    Post anytime and I will reply.

    anita

    #122916
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hello,

    These issues are complicated, more so with the past events thrown in. Two years ago, I sought therapy for a short while. My doc said I had suffered/was suffering from something called major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety too. I wasn’t surprised though but I wasn’t keen on starting medication. Neither was she due to certain other medical factors. Since I wasn’t suicidal at that point, I was in a more receptive state about what could help me live better.

    Anyway, my psychologist was very positive though and said that with the right kind of help, I could make recovery. I was relieved and we began two things – one being talk therapy to get through lot of uncomfortable emotions, work through number of twisted thought processes.

    This was supplemented by something called relaxation therapy where I was taught how to use a combination of breathing exercises, bodily adjustments to get my body to calm down. It wasn’t easy though but I did learn number of skills along the way and it was comforting to talk to someone about what was really bothering me.

    The biggest help though was being able to find outlets through breathing exercises like pranayam (Google this) and physical exercise, proper diet. Then of course, as I felt more okay over the months, I could reach out to people and was surprised by how good some of them were. Having a few good people here and there helps too.

    Turning towards spirituality also provided me with an internal compass of sorts to ride through the days, outside of the events that were happening. Discovering that inner locus of control was really important. I took to the ideas in the Bhagwad Gita for example regarding developing composure of oneself. I still have a long way to go.

    Basically what I am saying is don’t expect a dramatic change overnight. Thia process has started since 2012 and even now i am progressing.

    Healing is possible though with the right help. Coming to terms with things that you couldn’t possibly control as a child is possible – it doesn’t mean you aren’t a capable person in general. It doesn’t mean your whole life will be here in this place.

    As Anita said, it’s best to move away from all of this, venture into the unknown to heal. I am sure you can feel better too over time and really build a good life, not the one you saw as a kid but something better.

    Regards
    Nina

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