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I just want it to be done

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  • #128653
    Asterix
    Participant

    I hate working – any and every job I’ve ever had, I completely hate. I just want to retire but I’m only 33 and just newly engaged. My fiancé wouldn’t go for it if I just decided to quit working and sit on my behind all day especially since his ex is little miss senior manager before she decided to find a boyfriend get remarried and have a baby with someone else within 6 months of their divorce. I have a great job – I’m a manager at a production company and make decent money. But I hate my employees. They’re bratty little kids who complain about everything. I don’t even make them clock in their hours and let them take off whenever they want and have lunch breaks for 2 hours and come in at 10am but they still have to complain. They never worked in corporate America so they don’t know how hard it can be. They think they know everything and whine and whine yet when I ask them for a solution they can’t come up with one – they expect me to do it for them. Plus my boss is a clueless old troll who lives in the past. He can’t even use a computer yet acts like he knows more than anyone. I’m the only woman on his leadership team and he always picks on me in front of everyone but everyone thinks he’s stupid anyway. My last job I worked for a Fortune 500 company. It sucked and I did work way above my pay grade yet I got paid nothing there. I always thought I’d be happy to leave that high stress drama, but now that I’ve left I find myself hating my current job too. I just hate working and I hate people and I hate drama. I just want to be alone in peace and not worry about all their whining and complaining. I don’t believe there’s a thing as passion in work. Work sucks. I hate every kind of work. I just do it to make money so I can retire. I save 35 percent of my income yet I started working “real jobs” late because I quit so many jobs and went back to school for my Master’s degree, so I’ll never have enough to retire comfortably. Thinking I still have 30 years or half of my life to go until I can retire makes me sick and sad. I’m so checked out at work and do the bare minimum. I hate it there and I hate the spoiled entitled brats I work with. I hated my last job too, and the one before that. I got my Master’s degree before that – went back to school to escape the work world. I hated school as well and couldn’t wait to be done. Before that I did random useless jobs that made no money. I did a stunt in nursing school and just walked out of the training hospital one day and quit because I hated it so much. I only did it bc it was the only way my mom would talk to me (she thinks I’m a Loser for not becoming a doctor like her yet I make more money now than a nurse). Plus my crappy controlling boyfriend at the time forced me into it by saying I needed to earn money so he could sit on his butt and chase his useless musician broke as hell dreams. I really hate people and if I could just have a job with no human interaction I’d be good. I can’t even be excited for my wedding because I just keep thinking about how every dime I spend on it will just take away from my retirement. My mother won’t help because I won’t do a religious wedding like she wants. My dad never contributed a penny to my life after they were divorced so he won’t help. But they’ll fund my sister’s life for anything because she has kids but of course doesn’t work. I’m the one stuck working these crappy jobs I hate to take care of myself since no one else will. I’m just a punching bag for everyone’s problems and have been since I was 6 and my parents split and my mom decided children were okay to use as punching bags if you’re upset about your husband leaving your psycho controlling behind. I hate everything. All people and work and relationships do are chew you up and spit you out then replace you. So what’s the point of anything then? To just be miserable trying to be someone who will just ultimately be forgotten and replaced? I should just quit and sit on my butt and watch Netflix all day but basically I’m just doing the bare minimum at work now until someone gets the guts to fire me which they won’t.

    #128701
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asterixobelix:

    This is my suggestion for a plan of action on your part:

    1. Let your mother know that for the next six months, to the date, you will have no contact with her whatsoever. Decision to be revisited by you in six months. Same with anyone and everyone in your life that applies pressure on you in any way, shape or form.

    2. Let your fiancé know that you are going to quit your job and be unemployed (and not in school either), for the next six months. If he can’t respect you and your decision, then the wedding needs to be canceled.

    3. Quit your job. Tomorrow, if not today.

    4. Attend competent psychotherapy that you can afford.

    5. Make a financial plan regarding how to survive these six months.

    anita

    #128739
    RamoneJoseph
    Participant

    Hello Asterixobelix,

    That name reminds me of comic books in Germany for some reason… but I digress… It sound like you are super unhappy because you feel like you’re trapped in a situation where you’re responsible for making others happy. That has to stop! No one can make you happy but yourself, and that goes for other people too. You aren’t responsible for trying to insure the happiness of others at the expense of fulfilling your own life goals. Trust me, I’ve wasted a $h!tload of time thinking that if I could make the world a perfect and happy place for other people, then I would finally deserve a share of that happiness also. It doesn’t work like that unfortunately, and us kindhearted fools end up being used, abused, and often discarded, never to attain our own potential and goals.

    Like Anita said, you need to cut loose and be your own person for awhile. Warn everybody that this is something that you need to do, but be ready for the whining and complaining that you’re going to get as a reply, and don’t fall for it. Stick to you guns and give yourself the time and space to figure out what it is you need. The people you care for will experience this time from the outside and be witness to your transformation. You can discover a happier you!!! If people truly care for/love you, they will be happy for you in the end, if they don’t then they have no real place in your life.

    I wish you the best, happiness and health,

    Ramone

    #128743
    Asterix
    Participant

    Hi anita and Ramone, Thank you so much for reading all of my story and for your generous responses. I re-read what I wrote and immediately felt guilty for being so ungrateful and spouting out all this hate. I’m ashamed for being so angry and practically incomprehensible but at the same time I just feel so empty with the daily routine so I don’t want to completely retract all my original thoughts.

    ou are both right – I do need an action plan like the one anita suggested and also to stop living my life to accommodate others per Ramone. That’s been a huge problem of mine – just being used and taken advantage of all the time. I can tell when people are doing it too yet I am too embarrassed to call them out, so I just avoid them or quit what I’m doing and move on to the next thing. I am so scared to have an opinion of stand up for myself. I just kind of go along with what the people around me insist until I snap and quit or move to another job/city/whatever.

    For the action plan, I have moved far away from my mom and rarely speak to her, and that’s helped a lot. I guess I just feel guilty sometimes because “normal” people talk to their moms and see them at Christmas and such, but I just kind of skip all that. The engagement just kind of made me want to reconnect with her, but I guess I should just continue avoiding her. She won’t respond to anything I say anyway – she’ll just start talking about herself or her grandchildren. For step 2, I do feel like my fiancé would support my decision but honestly I would feel bad for not contributing and maybe I’m scared he won’t approve. It just makes me feel like a loser that I can’t “pitch in” an equal amount to bills. I guess I am really scared to just up and quit. My ex left me after 7 years together when I decided I didn’t want to be a nurse…well, he didn’t leave – he just cheated and cheated and let me keep doing his laundry and paying his rent until I had to put my foot down and leave (then it was all my fault for “being the one who left”). It really should be easier for me to quit my job – I just quit my last one just this past November and found this current one. I guess I just am embarrassed I must look crazy, always unhappy wherever I go and always up and quitting and quitting everything I do.

    I love the idea of psychotherapy – I’m in the process of looking for someone to help me. I just don’t know how to find someone good, and I feel wary of trusting people. I really want to take Ramone’s advice – cut loose and be my own person. I don’t even know how to do that – when my fiancé is gone for work I just kind of go to work and then don’t know what to do with myself besides shop and clean and do chores. It’s really kind of sad. I don’t know – guess I just feel lost and not like a whole person.

    Either way, thank you both for reading and replying. You’re great people and I really appreciate your thoughts.

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