July 2, 2013 at 11:27 am #37785
My name is Alana. I am a 40 year old woman. I am trying to change my life in a every positive way I can. I came from an alcoholic, difunctional home. I was raised by my mom. My dad didn’t want anything to so with me. I started using alcohol, drugs and tobacco at the age of eight. To make a very long story short, I am a very unhealthy person. I was addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, heroine, cocaine. I have had very abusive relationships and a very abusive marriage. I have two children, boys, ages 11 and 13. I have never wanted to be the person I became. At a very young age, I was in desperate need of help and wanted help desperately but no one cared enough about me to help me. I have been in and out of programs like AA and everything else you can think of, trying to get better. I have stopped doing drugs, alcohol and cigarettes for a while now. I am now on a medication called suboxone to help with my opiate addition. I am sick all the time. I changed my eating habits and began juicing fruits and vegtables because I was living on way too much sugar and junk. I want to join a local yoga class and begin exercising and I want to start meditating. I am trying many different things to help me get my body and mind back but its not working. I am tired all the time. my tiredness is extreme. I want so much to be a healthy person and to give my children the mother that they deserve but it seems like I am fighting a losing battle. because my energy is so low and doctors don’t know why, I ended up resorting to taking Adderall for energy. I am at the end of my rope and need any advice that anyone ecan give me to gain a healthy mind, body and life. I am tired of struggling.
July 2, 2013 at 2:25 pm #37815
Hello Alana, its sad to hear your story. myself i have seen or myself i have had to go through some similar issues, so i hope this helps you.
1. i am very proud of you to open up and admit your problems that’s a very strong powerful thing to do, so well done you.
Now not everyone is a fan of going to see someone to talk too, have you tired it? don’t knock it till you do try it because you never know, ive had 4 myself for different things and some of the people i spoke to were fantastic and others not so.
Drugs and drink don’t help, they bring you down, and you need to see them as a bully, they are control and they don’t care about you.
Now down to business.
i personally love to write a good ‘to do list’
have you ever thought of doing one? clear your mind and write down everything you would love to do,
yoga? swimming? dancing?
i personally have used mediation and it has helped greatly with a dark past.
Your past doesn’t define who you are. you must find a way to let go of your past, i myself have spent a long time trying to let go of my past problems.
and i guess the best things that helped were friends, having people to trust and having mediation.
you will feel tired it is not an easy road but if you keep trying and you keep going it will get easier i promise.
the key is to remember your reasons why you want change. and thats your children and YOURSELF.
learn to love yourself, learn to look at yourself and think of all the wonderful things about you.
Eat good food, see good friends, see someone for help if it helps you and learn your past is the past and all that matters is now.
you can eat good food that tastes good and its cheap,
life is hard life can be a real bitch sometimes, but Alana its so very beautiful too.
i hope this helps, and i hope you write back i am here if you need someone, and i can try and help with any advice or just listening
i can go into better detail of things if it helps you in anyway
so dont feel like you cant write back to me because i am here
emYou must be logged in to reply to this topic.
July 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm #37852
These are my suggestions – things that I do or that have helped me out of dark places and lead a more positive life. Maybe they can help you too.
First of all I would say there is both a physical and a mental/spiritual aspect to most problems.
On the physical side:
Make sure you have the best treatment that works for you. What I mean by that is make sure the medication you’re taking makes you feel better and that the doctor you have makes you feel better. Very important. Don’t put up with a doctor that doesn’t work for you. Or medication that doesn’t work for you.
Also on the physical side, it’s obvious but nonetheless true. Eat healthily. It’s very easy to give into the temptation of junk food. But when temptation rears it’s head, all you have to do is just disregard it for a few seconds and start preparing a healthy meal. Once you start preparing it you won’t be thinking about the junk food anymore. And certainly once you start eating the healthy food you won’t be thinking about the junk food at all. The benefits of eating healthily cannot be over estimated.
One the mental/spiritual side:
I highly recommend some sort of therapy. Most of us don’t have somebody who is objective that we can talk to about our problems on a regular basis. It can be very beneficial. Once again same as with the doctor. Make sure they work for you. That they make you feel better – or at least that they make you feel that it is positive in some way.
Surround yourself as much as you can with positive people. People that make you feel positive. It doesn’t matter who they are, whether you know them well or not. With those positive people be open and communicate with them and listen to them – engage with them.
The number one thing for me that gets me out of dark places is to concentrate, look for and recognise beauty wherever I see it, every day. It’s amazing what that can do to every part of your life.
Good luck and peace. And remember you are much stronger than you might think you are.You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
July 2, 2013 at 4:51 pm #37855
I’m sorry its so tough for you right now, I hope you find your better days soon. There are few things that come to heart as I consider your words.
One of my teachers told me that when we go through dramatic changes we do the best if we give them space. In Buddhism, it is said that the greatest force for change is patient endurance. Much like a flower bulb needs time to open after it is planted, our bodies need time to heal from traumas. You are doing great! Overcoming addiction is tough. Tough! Right now, that is taking a lot of your energy.
Its important to give ourselves space to heal. Self care, such as laying in bed, taking a bath, sitting in nature, cooking a meal… all these can be done with that patient endurance. “Yes, this feels icky now, but I am stepping each step with the courage to keep going… here is this feeling, and it will fade. I am healing with each moment that I make a healthy choice, it is OK to be patient.”
With each step, you’re getting distance from it. Over time, your body will heal, and that frees the inner strength that’s now focused on recovery. Then, you will have the strength to become the person you dream to be. She’s in there… she’s the one who is shedding unskillful habits.
Right now, in this moment, it is important to choose your battles carefully. If you try to recover all at once, it is like banging your head into a rock. Trust that as you keep moving forward, what is tough now becomes easy as you practice. Said differently, each big thing that you work on takes effort, and that effort can tire us out. If you work on too many things at once, you might just be tired all the time.
For now, consider breathing meditation to help build patience. It can help us build concentration (increasing your strength) and help us let go and relax. It also helps us calm our minds so that we have the endurance to get through tough times. On YouTube, you can search for “jayasaro (5) counting breaths”, which has a simple and effective method.
Do you have a sponsor? Often times, being able to connect with someone who knows the struggle can help us believe that recovery is not just possible, it is who we really are finally getting to come out and play. At AA, did you open up to the group? I’ve found that this world is full of loving and wise people, and when we bear our soul to them we are not only given help seeing “what’s next, what’s here, what to do”, but also in raw strength in knowing we are loved.
I know you can do this. I’ve seen it done by people, and you seem to be asking all the right questions and having all the right frustrations. The main point at this point is you need nurturing. Hug, bathe, sing, sleep, breathe, talk… healthy ways of saying to your body that you are beautiful and deserve special care and attention. It does! You do!
MattYou must be logged in to reply to this topic.
July 2, 2013 at 10:47 pm #37866
Thank you so much for all the feed back…Emily, Aruni and Matt. I am so glad I found this site and decided to share. I don’t have many people in my life that I can share things like this with…or I should say, I don’t have very many people in my life that would give me positive feedback. I really can not thank all of you enough for taking the time to respond to my post. I am very tired…I don’t sleep well, that is why I am up at 1:45 am. I will write more tomorrow. Thank you all so much !!You must be logged in to reply to this topic.