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I slept with a coworker

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of XenopusTex XenopusTex 2 weeks ago.

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  • #124724
    Profile photo of Little Lionness
    Little Lionness
    Participant

    So I’ve been a perfectionist all my life, always striving to get approval from others and this of course comes out strongly in my job, too.

    But when my coworker and I were both in LA on a business trip, we were having a party with the purpose of business. When it ended, a few of us wanted to go to a strip club since they don’t have them in our country. My coworker and I were the only ones who ended up going. I’m bisexual but haven’t told anyone at work. He and I have never really been friends, in fact he saw me as a bore because I’m an overachiever and I saw him as a douche who parties too much.

    That night though, I admitted to him I was interested in girls and he admitted to me that he considers himself an alcoholic. I told him I’m so TIRED of being perfect. We went to the strip club and then shared an Uber home. We ended up sleeping together, without having planned it. I don’t even LIKE this guy as a person, until that night.

    The next morning, we acted completely normal and I even kissed him goodbye and said “See you in January”. Then we didn’t have any contact for one month until I came home.

    What is your experience with one night stands with a coworker? How do you handle it best?

    We’ve seen each other now at the office, but still haven’t discussed what happened. What would you do, just keep acting like nothing happened? Or should I try to confront him about it and acknowledge that it happened and that it doesn’t have to become a big deal? It’s a small office and we’re going to be seeing each other five days a week.

    #124738
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear littlelioness:

    I don’t have an answer for you, except to suggest that if you do confront him, or otherwise communicate with him, make sure that you and him do not look like a couple at the work place or outside, so to prevent gossip.

    …What would be your motivation to confront him- are you thinking that a relationship may be possible? And is it indeed not a big deal to you?

    anita

    #124794
    Profile photo of Little Lionness
    Little Lionness
    Participant

    Thanks Anita for your kind reply. It IS in fact a big deal to me, but I am not interested in a relationship with him as I think it would be too complicated. For many reasons, not least the fact that we work together, but also because of who he is as a person. I couldn’t stand being in a relationship with an alcoholic.

    I feel myself creating a lot of drama around this which annoys me, because I want to be centered and not have him break my focus on becoming a better version of myself. But perhaps he is not a distraction but rather a solution.

    The positive thing that I learned from him was to just let go and enjoy the moment, that mistakes can teach us valuable things about ourselves. I am grateful that he taught me this, without knowing it.

    So I think I will not confront him. I will just keep treating him as any other colleague and be kind to him, as he is kind to me. If we find ourselves alone eventually, I might talk to him about it. I feel like this is an important sign sent from the universe which I have yet to understand.

    #124796
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear littlelionness:

    I don’t see a reason to confront him, since you were both equally responsible for what happened in Los Angeles. Borrowing the phrase often used for Las Vegas, maybe in this case, “what happened in Los Angeles, stays in Los Angeles.” Regarding your thought that there is something in this for you yet to understand, maybe it has something to do with the sentence in your original post that I see as the key sentence:

    ” I told him I’m so TIRED of being perfect” ???

    anita

    #124811
    Profile photo of XenopusTex
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    #1 – avoid strip clubs, nothing good ever comes from them.

    #2 – I would seriously consider this a lapse of judgment partly fueled by the combination of alcohol and the eroticism of the strip club. Maybe take this opportunity to evaluate what you really want.

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