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Identity crisis; I'm still lost

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  • #63526
    Top
    Participant

    Hi everyone, this is my first time posting in a forum so I’m a little nervous! But that aside, I’m feeling really lost now. I’ve just entered university and I still don’t know what I want in life. Throughout my whole life, I’ve been searching for an answer, one that would allow me to pursue my interests. Well actually, I know what my interests are, but I’m too scared to pursue them cause they are too ‘impractical’. I’ve always followed the safer route and so I’m currently in business but… School just started and I can’t help but feel so out of place, so sick of studying something that I have no interest in. I cry almost everyday cause I don’t want to go to school, I’m just so tired of it. I know I’m not really one to persevere but every time I think of how I have to go through years of studying something I don’t like, I can’t help but feel so lost. The problem is, I know I’m slow, I don’t know what I want in life, but I do think I know what I don’t want. It’s only when university started have I started to wake up and realise I should be doing something I want. I hope someone could help me, or give me words of encouragement or advise. I really need some now 🙁

    #63530
    Inky
    Participant

    You could major in business and then minor in something you totally enjoy. Not even something you “want”. So look at classes and pick ones that turn you on or that sound interesting. Pretty soon you will have a minor in a discipline! And if you’re lucky, you might have a double major! One for the practical, business, and one in, say, Women’s Studies or Poetry. Forget what you “want”. Follow your “Bliss”.

    Or, you can then major in something blissful and forget business altogether.

    Or, later on, go into business related to the impractical class in college that turned you on!

    I’m no college councilor, but that’s what I would tell my kid. Despite their father’s howling. LOL

    #63532
    Mike
    Participant

    What are your interests that are “impractical” and according to who or what? University is tough no matter what and it is a huge commitment of time and money, especially if you are just doing it to do it. Often times we hear from our parents, teachers, etc… to do the logical thing and go for the sure bet, where the jobs and money are, but then what happens after the degree? Burn out. University is not a necessity despite what you hear it is not something you have to suffer through, so if there is no enthusiasm or passion for that field of study what makes you think it will be there when you get out? Then what happens? Do you go in to the business field and find happiness? It is possible, but to think that just getting a degree equates to success and happiness is to go against all of the teachings I have ever learned about in every sense of the word. Certain things in life may come easier, like the house and the car, but do these things equal sustained happiness?

    Was business the default choice for you? It doesn’t sound like you have any interest in that field and there are so many fields of study to go in especially one that has more of a connection to your interests. Have you made a plan as to what you will do with a business degree? If not make a plan, not that you have to stick with it, but it can make you see just how off base that is with who you are. Take a personality test like the Briggs-Meyers typology there is a free one on humanmetrics.com. Use what you get to find out what careers match your personality.

    Don’t be afraid to change your major, it is a lot easier to change it now than to have to go back to school later for something else. Good luck hope I gave you something to work with.

    #63544
    Heather
    Participant

    Hi Top, I find your post very interesting and relatable. I went to college/university later in life and not right out of high school.

    When I left high school I had no idea what I wanted to be “when I grew up” and I had very few interests. I decided to go for a college degree when I was 21-22, I went to a community college and just took some random classes to decide what I like. At that time psychology was a big interest of mine. I then discovered that with all the classes I was taking I still didn’t really “know” what I wanted to be. I ended up getting engaged and stopped going to college.

    Fast-forward about 5-years, I decided to try college again. I went back to a community college to become a medical transcriptionist (a 2-year degree). While going through those classes I still was not sure that this was what I really wanted. Then I came across a 4-year degree that was much more interesting, so I decided to go ahead and go for the 4-year degree. I graduated with my 4-year degree when I was 31.

    I am currently working in a position that 1) has nothing to do with my degree and 2) I have no interest in, so I am looking at returning to school (while still working full-time) to pursue a graduate degree. The graduate degree I am looking at pursuing is somewhat similar to what my Bachelor’s degree is, but it still is a bit different, but I know now that is where my passion is.

    My point is that I am almost 36 and I just realized what I really want to be “when I grow up.” I found going to college later in life was much more fulfilling because I knew my interests better and I driven. I was much more appreciative of my education as well. I found that many fellow students that were just coming out of high school were not has appreciative and didn’t really care about their education. Many were in programs that their parents wanted for them and not what they wanted. Many continued and many changed programs, which meant for a possible longer college career, but they were happier. I know some people that switched their degrees multiple times because they just didn’t know what they wanted.

    I know here in the US the first 2-years of college are all basic “core” classes, not many that are specific to your degree/program. It sounds like you may be in another country, so I am not familiar with how things are set-up. If it is similar to the US where many classes are just the basic classes can you take other classes that are more interest to you? Like someone else stated, can you minor in what your interests are? Can you change your program and just go for what interests you?

    In my time I have found that many people that go for college educations, something that seems to pretty much be needed for any job in the US, end up doing jobs that are unrelated to their degrees (like me). It is sometimes hard to find the “perfect” job in your interested field right out of college. If you add to that having a degree in a profession that you have no interest in it may be even more difficult to find the “perfect” job.

    I am not trying to detour you from continuing your education, in fact I think more education is very important in today’s society. What I am trying to say is that whatever you decide to do it does not mean that it is permanent. Things change with life experience. My advice to you is to go for your interests, go for what makes you happy and does not add unneeded stress. If you parents are funding your education talk with them and let them know that you want to change degrees because it makes you so unhappy where you are now. Supportive parents will understand and want you to be happy. If you get out into the “real world” and have a hard time finding a job it is not the end of the world.

    Education is always there to go back to. Life experiences may show you something that interests you that is completely out there and at this time you have no clue it even interests you (that has been my experience). The importance is that you are happy and having a fulfilling life. I know many people that have careers that they do not like and go home every night crying because they are so unhappy, I have been one of these people as well.

    I wish you well in your decisions. It is a tough spot to be in and you are by no means the first to be in this position. I am sure there are many other students around you that are dealing with their own struggles, maybe reach out to some of them and see what they are doing. If your college has a career advising center go seek help from them. If there is counseling available at your college seek help from them too.

    Talk with your parents, let them know how you are feeling, open, honest communication is important with your parents. Being a parent myself now, I urge our son (11) to be open and honest with us about his life and we let him know that we support anything that he wants to do, we just want him to be happy. If he wants to work at McDonald’s being a cashier and that makes him happy, then we are fine with that. Granted, that is not what my husband and I think is best for him, but his happiness is more important.

    Good luck! Take care!

    #63545
    Samdlb
    Participant

    Hi Top, I am in a very similar position and I found Heather’s comments very reassuring.

    I was always fortunate enough to be able to study and get on at school in every subject without much hassle, but never knew what “I wanted to do”. I always picked what I was good at. I had a couple of years out and after realising the “real world” (especially around here) is a very hard and scary place when you have no idea where you want to go!

    I started (and I am now half way through) a law degree. I initially liked the idea of Law, but recently I have found myself dreading the idea of waking up everyday facing a day at an office.

    I am not sure how universities work over in the States ( I am in the UK ), but my advice – and what seems to be helping me – is to be patient with yourself. Try not to worry, you are a human being, you will change throughout your life so the things you want from life will be endlessly changing and you may never be satisfied! But while you are studying now learn what you can. These “impractical” interests, go ahead and you pursue these at the same time. Sure it won’t be easy, but you have yourself a deadline of when you graduate so you’ll be motivated, and you are young. If I get to the end of my degree and still don’t want to go into law (or if I haven’t made a success of writing, or bodybuilding or a world famous actor 😉 ) the worst case scenario is – I’ll have a law degree.

    I hope this has been of some help. Be true to yourself and do what makes you happy – things will fall into place!

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