Hello, this is my first time posting on this website. I’m not one to usually do this and i usually try to help myself but i have been at my wits end for quite some time now. So to start off i was in a relationship about half a year ago. This relationship didn’t turn out to be amazing for either of us. We now both don’t talk to each other and haven’t in months. I am still under the impression that she truly disdains me…. We clashed often and were two different people. I feel like the relationship probably never would have worked out which is something i can live with. However, the way i treated her during the relationship is where my immense regret and shame comes in. I did not fully love her the way i should have. She always tried to connect with me but i was emotionally resilient. This happened about a year or so after we started dating. We dated for about a year and a half total. She tried to love me but i brushed her aside at her affectionate advances and made her question how i felt about her constantly. I told her i loved her, which i thought i did, but the way i acted proved otherwise. She tried to help me and make me a better person and i threw it in her face. I knew we shouldn’t have been together while i was dating her but was still with her because i was afraid of being alone and losing someone who cared about me so much. It is because of this that i am experiencing so much regret. So much so that it haunts my everyday life and has been persistent since we broke up which was almost half a year ago already. I used someone who cared about me to make myself feel comfortable and now i am paying the price. I know this is a learning experience and i will never allow myself to do this EVER again to somebody. However, i still can’t overcome the fact that i did that to somebody and i feel like i will never get over that fact. I don’t know what i should do. I wonder if telling her how i feel would work to alleviate some of this pain but i wonder at this point if she would give me the time of day (if i was her i probably wouldn’t). It’s easy to say “look at it as a learning experience” or “learn to forgive yourself” when at the end of the day, what you have done is still there and that person still holds ill will towards you. I wonder if even a simple text to tell her that i know the how badly i hurt her and how regretful i am will help alleviate this pain and stress. Any suggestions or real stories of something similar and how it was overcome would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.