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Is validation important

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  • #123083
    Learning
    Participant

    So me and my significant other were having a discussion about positive reinforcements from other people and if it makes a difference to tell someone they can do something verses telling them they can’t. I’ve learned something about myself recently, i realized that when someone tells me I can’t do something I feel like they are trying to put me down. I dislike how I feel because my mind can’t tell the difference between are they trying to help me by pointing out all the reasons I can’t accomplish my goal, or are they just being negative. I love encouraging people and telling them that they can, while also recognizing that there is a possibility or failing it still shouldn’t stop you. I don’t like underestimating people, I feel like it’s unfair. My significant other however believes he’s helping a person by telling them all the reasons something is not going to work, he said he’s being logical which I understand. What I don’t understand is why not also encourage the person while being logical. Does being logical critical or encouraging make a difference? Do they all work together?

    #123097
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Learning:

    It is important to encourage a person, to tell a person you can do this, when “this” is progressing from step A to step B. For example a person who is very excited about playing the guitar and has dreams of becoming famous but is new to playing the guitar, encourage that person to practice more and become more skillful at it. But do not encourage that person to move from Step A to Step Z, like to move the big city with his guitar, with his beginning skill at it, and become famous.

    Step A to B, then to C, then onward, one step of accomplishment at a time, that would be logical and compassionate, both.

    anita

    #123108
    Learning
    Participant

    Thanks Anita

    #123110
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Learning. Anytime.
    anita

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