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It's My Birthday… And This Year Sucked

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  • March 21, 2017 at 7:34 am #140935
    sadpeach
    Participant

    Today is my birthday, and all I can think about is how hard this past year has been and how last year’s birthday was so much better than this year.

    I look back at all my memories from birthday’s passed and they seem so much better than this year. I was thinner, happier, had friends willing to take me out. Last year, my best friend of 13 years took me out and I spent the entire weekend with her. This year, we just basically had a falling out 2 weeks ago after months of intermittent arguing. Last year, I was with my boyfriend of over three years. This year, I’m single and depressed.

    This year, someone who had become one of my best friends had plans with me to take me out for my birthday this past weekend, only to bail last minute saying she needed to “listen to her body and take it easy”. I ended up seeing her on social media that night out with her new boyfriend and other friends. She lied to me. I’m still hurt and angry with her.

    If you’ve read any of my posts over the course of the year, you’ll know I have experienced so much pain this past year, I am so ready for it to be over. I am really finally dedicating myself to my spirituality, self love and growth again, and I know it’s going to take a while for the practices to set in. I have been so caught up over the past 8 months to lose 10 lbs that I let my spirit suffer. And that is why today, on my birthday, I feel broken.

    I am hurting thinking of that one quote about not comparing yourself to anyone else, but just trying to be better than the person you were yesterday. It hurts me to know that the “past me” was in a better place than the current me, and that I feel like I’ve gotten worse. It’s an embarrassing feeling, knowing that I haven’t been thriving and that I feel like I have nothing to show for the past year. That if anything, I’ve just gotten depressed and chubby. I feel ashamed. I am truly hoping deep down this dark year in my life will thrust me into something amazing.

    Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

    • This topic was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by sadpeach.
    March 21, 2017 at 9:13 am #140963
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tessa:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

    In honor of your birthday I went back to your previous threads starting Jan 12, 2016. There is an opportunity for insight in your own writing that follows. Take this opportunity for a better year and life ahead.

    1/12/16: “I come from a family where my parents are still together. While they have their issues like everyone else, they do love each other and are fully committed.

    10/14/16:  my mother is a narcissist …. My mother often times acts like a rude 16 year old, starting fights…for the most part we all agree that we had a perfect childhood

    10/31/16: My family is also very toxic…My two sisters and my mother are severely mentally ill…Maybe I would have to cut contact to be happier in the long run? I’m not sure. That might be something for me to think about.

    …since youth I have always been fairly different from my sisters and the rest of my family. With that said, sometimes I’m afraid their issues will “catch up to me” (as far as developing the same mental illnesses, falling into depression or a lack of progression in life) so I think I try to consciously separate myself from them as to not fall into the same life and issues.

    Maybe I will distance myself from all 3 entirely just to preserve myself for a bit. I need to step away from all of the commotion in my life because I am so scatter brained and don’t know where to start to get better”

    anita

    March 21, 2017 at 9:41 am #140971
    sadpeach
    Participant

    Anita, unfortunately all that did was remind me that the depression did indeed, catch up to me and that none of those family issues have been resolved. Is there an insight here that I’m missing?

    March 21, 2017 at 10:16 am #140981
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tessa:

    “Maybe I would have to cut contact to be happier in the long run…separate myself from them as to not fall into the same life and issues…distance myself from all 3 entirely.”

    anita

     

     

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