Home→Forums→Tough Times→losing interest in everything
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December 10, 2016 at 1:07 am #122389
AnonymousInactiveHello! I am 23 years old & i just completed my graduation in dentistry before 5 months. I had topped while doing my degree which makes My family & friends expect a lot from me when it comes to success in my career & they quite believe i can do it easily. But asking me about this , i dont like my field & i dont feel motivated to work. I try to think about what other option i can choose but i just dont get any field which interests me. Its like i dont like what i am doing & also i have found no other solution. The more i think about it the more frustrated i become.
I have returned to my hometown after college since about 5 months. Normally I dont like to sit idle & so i try to keep myself involved with something or other. But at home however hard i try to keep a routine & incorporate certain daily habits i wanted to since long , i am unable to do it. Its like i count days which went fine so that i gain the courage that the other day will be fine too. but again if i have a bad start, i return back to what i was. i dont have any friends currently staying in my city , which makes me feel alone. there seems to be no excitement.
While i am at home trying to figure things out , my parents searched a guy for marriage. Now This person seems perfect. But somehow i dont feel like we are bonding , it doesnt seem to click ! Sometimes i feel we are different & so maybe its difficult , other times i feel as if we can bond but its him who backs off from commitment. so far my relation with him has not been that free flowing but rather stressed when everytime i need to plan about how & what to talk & how to act. With both the families being so involved & positive about us & him not communicating with me properly , it makes me feel insanely crazy.
I really like my sister a lot & i tend to share my problems with her. but after her marriage we both hardly talk as shes always busy. i dont know whom to share & who will help me get through this. but i feel alone , lost & a changed person. i get mood fluctuations & feel generally depressed. i seem to have no answers for any of my life questions. i wish i can run away from every person i know & be just alone & on my own.December 10, 2016 at 5:12 am #122392
InkyParticipantHi priyal,
When we’re kids we think of adulthood as a time when we finally have power in our lives and where we can do anything we want.
Clearly, this is not so! After putting in all that time towards dentistry, you now don’t want to do it and are looking for a study/practice to justify your time lost/”lost”. The good news is you have a degree no one can take away from you. But honestly, no matter what you go into, there is going to be (eventually) disinterest and drudgery. And you haven’t even actually gone into dental practice yet! You might find an office, bond with the staff, have regular patients and love it! Who knows?? I say try it professionally for a year.
As to the guy, it sounds like you come from a family that is into arranged marriages? Can you have your parents introduce you to at least ten guys? Then you can choose the likeliest one from the bunch instead of “Oh, this one’s nice enough, just choose him and get it over with!”
Good Luck,
Inky
December 10, 2016 at 8:32 am #122397AnonymousInactiveHey inky ! i am glad that u took ur time trying to understand my situation.
I can relate how u suggest me to try practicing for a while, which seems to be given a try. i have been visiting a clinic for observing cases since a month now. But as i said the lack of interest in my field keeps me away & i tend not to be so involved. I just go over there , try my best to be paying attention & end up with the urge of going back home soon from the place. This is exactly what makes me feel the constant need to decide something about my future. And then i hear my college friends taking some serious steps for career & this just makes me more anxious.
Related to marriage , my family can accept somebody whom i love. But then i never met anyone whom i actually fell hard for. Yes i can tell my parents to find some other matches too. But the reason they insist me to take him seriously is that they believe i wont ever find a good person like him in my caste/society which is infact true. it is indeed difficult in our family, my sister had a hard time. But while trying to understand their point , i feel i am ignoring my own feelings. there is a communication gap between me & him & so he still seems like a stranger to me. I am not even sure if he likes me , he never said it ! everything seems very complex.December 10, 2016 at 8:59 am #122401AnonymousGuestDear priyal:
You wrote: “i wish i can run away from every person i know & be just alone & on my own.”
Maybe making your wish come true is not a bad idea!
As is, if you are to satisfy your parents’ expectations and comply with societal conventions/ rules, I imagine this may happen: you will work as a dentist, unmotivated, disliking the job but you will keep going and going. At the end of the day you will go home to your husband with whom you are not comfortable. So you work, not liking it, go home, not liking it. But your parents will be happy.
There is no way to give up yourself, to deny yourself so much and not suffer mental health consequences.
Your thoughts…?
anita
December 10, 2016 at 10:25 am #122412AnonymousInactivehey anita ! thank you for reading my post & also writing back.
the current life i am having makes me imagine my future in the same way which you described. That is exactly what i am afraid of. I never wanted a life like that & i still dont.
This means i will have to take a complete new path. But i am not confident as i dont know what other field i can go for. It is this uncertainty which is making me stop right where i am. I am unable to make any progress for now & what worries me is what if i take too much of time with no good conclusion at the end.
I feel the need to be alone so that i can keep myself away from the influences of my family because i know they are going to be biased about their opinions. its like my thoughts are altered every day by the suggestions & i end up losing my control. But then moving out of home & shifting too is not easy especially when u dont yet work.December 10, 2016 at 11:14 am #122415AnonymousGuestDear priyal:
I don’t see a way for you to figure out the alternatives, at this point. What I mean is, being anxious and unmotivated as you are, experiencing distress, makes clear thinking very difficult to come by. The brain is foggy, when we are distressed.
Even if you were not distressed, it wouldn’t be possible to figure out your path theoretically. The way to figure out what kind of living will be authentic to you is to experiment- to try this and to try that. To take action and learn from it.
I don’t see a theoretical solution to your situation being possible. I think it is a good idea, if possible, that you do move away from your parents, and from the man you mentioned, and live on your own (or with roommates), elsewhere. There it doesn’t matter what employment you will take on- as long as you work and make money enough to keep going. As you make the smallest and bigger choices living on your own, you will find out what truly interests you.
anita
December 11, 2016 at 2:12 am #122428AnonymousInactivehi anita ! yes i do feel that i need both time & patience to figure things out. Also i need some lone time away from home which can help me to get things sorted out.
Thanks for ur understanding & suggestion. 🙂
December 11, 2016 at 7:41 am #122431AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, priyal, anytime.
anita -
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