Im lost. I wish I had someone to blame for all my faults. But it seems that as much as I try to find someone to blame for my failures the blame comes back to me. Fairly suited if you ask me; I know I have this passion to create and build wonderful relationships, I’m smart in an undeniable way, I have so many plans for this life we are so lucky to be a part of. Everyday I thank God for this literally once in a life time opportunity that is, Life. But somewhere along the line, honestly, for as long as i can remember, I’m missing something. Maybe It’s the courage to take the first step. It hurts to think how many opportunities I’ve let go by cause I don’t do a simple thing as to get up early in the morning, or sending a piece of paper or making a phone call. I don’t know what stops me. It hurts so much to see what i need to do, but somehow i come up short. My best doesn’t cut it anymore. I feel stuck in the past. I remember having these dreams for my family, for my fellow human kind. Now it hurts to look in the mirror. I stare and I don’t know who stares back. I don’t recognize those eyes, that face, that sadness and shame I see is not what i thought i would see during my lifetime. I like to tell myself that the more life hurts, the more i learn to be humble and love, and honestly that part is true. But why soo soo much pain? I know some have worse experiences than me, so i feel guilty to feel sad for myself. I’m just stuck. Full of bad habits and bad choices, that’s my life recently and i need help to free myself. Writing this is a big step for me, even if it’s to a few strangers, no one i know has ever heard these words come from my mouth. That’s probably part of the problem, but it’s scary to open up to people. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has been hurt. Once that happens, Trust is almost an illusion.