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Loved and lost

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  • #95382
    asher
    Participant

    Well it all started in the summer of 2015 I met this girl while I was volunteering at an event. When our eyes first met I felt a feeling that is not describable but felt right. Throughout my shift I didn’t pay much attention to it. When my shift ended I was outside changing my shirt and she kind of popped out of no where and hinted that she wanted to speak to me because she must have felt it also. So I made the move and spoke to her. We both shared a great connection and a bunch of laughs on our way back home. Fast forwarding at the end of the night I managed to get her number and we never stopped talking to one another since. We went on our first date which we both had a great time talking and getting to know each other better. By the end of the night we kissed and planned to meet up again the next following week. It turns out she was a really busy cookie because she is a medical resident and our schedules didn’t get along with one another but regardless we kept in touch. Eventually we did see one another but a month later and she looked exhausted, stressed and had a lot on her mind. I insisted we talk about what is bothering her and I eventually opened her up and worked with her to restore emotional balance because I am really good at comforting. The night passed pretty quickly and she was feeling a lot better (I think it has to do with the chocolates I surprised her with). I hugged her tightly before leaving and kissed her eyes and forehead and told her to take care of her health for me until the next time I see you.

    At this very point in my life everything turned upside down within a weeks’ time I had to drop out of school for the semester because I had to get a job to support my family. My father’s business was new but still struggling to strive; we were overdue rent for 2 months’ time, bills had to be paid, and there was barely any food to live off of. I hid all this from her but opened up about my current situation because I felt she was feeling avoided. When I told her she was extremely supportive about it and really happy that I told her because it gave her an idea what is going on. As time went by I’ve noticed when I was working she was free and when she was free I was working. Our schedules weren’t efficient for one another but it didn’t stop me from loving this person one bit. Christmas and her birthday were around the corner and I bought her gifts to surprise her on her vacation time. I knew everything she liked inside out because I listened very carefully to her so I got just what she needed. Unfortunately we couldn’t meet up during the break because she went MIA and I was so frustrated because we had planned to meet and this person just disappears without a notice. It drove me crazy; but what had happened was that she was sick and she wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone (she is like that, she is very strange in this way). I was annoyed at her for doing that because it totally ruined my mood but she apologized and we made up and postponed our reunion a week later. A week’s time after I felt she was a little different because of the way she was speaking at that moment I knew I had to open up about how I loved and felt about her. I told her I was always wanting to tell you in person because I’m not really a tech saavy person, I felt that something this sensitive is better in person because I could show what I feel by expressing myself. She was astonished at the same time sorry because a month earlier she had met someone else through a mutual friend and she kicked off with him because she just assumed I had lost feelings for her. But she insisted we remain friends.

    Feeling like complete crap I knew deep inside that friendship wouldn’t work because we never really had the foundation of a friendship, we went off to being loving people fairly quickly. We managed to speak on the phone, and honestly I didn’t care that she was seeing someone else because I am not the jealous type in fact I was very happy for her. I told her I love her very much and I don’t know what made you think that I lost feelings for you because I’ve been in touch with her ever since and gave you nothing but my attention, support and love. I went more in depth about my life so that she could see what it has been like for me hopefully it would wake her conscience and see how much love dwells in my heart for her. She acknowledged it but she didn’t seem to care because she had already gotten a replacement. She had also invited me to go partying with her on her birthday which I agreed too even though deep inside I didn’t want to. On the day of the party I had to hitch a cab from the other end of town because she said she would be going with her friends really late in the night and that she’d text me if anything happens. So I had organized a place to stay at my friends so I can get ready to see her. Already my heart was aching for the past couple of days: I hit a mild depression, had trouble eating, sleeping, my sex drive was gone, I was feeling down, regretting and hating my life for taking a turn unexpectedly. It was around 12 am and she never got back to me, so me and my friends were left hanging; the people who canceled their night out to come out with me and support me so I wouldn’t feel alone at the party. Eventually I broke down because there were too many emotions and it was the only way to release them. The next day I woke up and I poured my heart out to her on text message telling her that it is hurting me every day and that I won’t be able to be “just your friend” because of the feelings I have for you but she never answered her phone. So I felt the best way to end it was by going to her house unexpectedly so I could see for one last time and give her gifts that I’ve gotten her. When she came down I told her that I love her and it is hard for me to be “just friends” because I have strong feelings for you. I explained if I can’t be that loving person with you then I can’t be a part of your life because it will just screw with me more. When I tried to give her the gifts she wouldn’t accept them because she is seeing someone else. I tried to tell her that these gifts have nothing to do with me or you or the person you are seeing. I explained and gave her my reasons on why she should accept the gifts because
    1.) They were bought way before she met this new person
    2.) The art of giving a gift is to show how much you appreciate someone; it is the ultimate way of showing your love and devotion.

    She still denied and I had nothing left to say so I walked away. She eventually deleted me from Facebook and never spoke to me ever since.
    I can agree I was a little invasive and intruding by showing up unexpectedly but deep inside I wanted to see her for the very last time and end it in person.
    Right now I am experiencing moments of grief and regrets that maybe if I held back and not showed up to her place I would still have her in my life. Or if I could have told her sooner on the phone. I curse myself because the way things had changed without any control.
    I know people say we make time for things that are important to us but in my case there was barely time for myself. I was working 11 to 15 hour shifts at work and my days off I was helping my father run the business. But I still made sure I kept in touch with her.

    A part of me is angry not because of the rejection but the fact that she continued to play along with me until she was sure of the other guy. I just want to forgive and forget but my mind is always disrupted of thoughts of her and how things could have been different. Everything at home is a lot better now and I am back in school studying but I just have random emotional breakdowns and my thoughts process is tense.

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    #95424
    asher
    Participant

    I understand your pain and frustrations. I do in fact believe everything happens for a reason; I’ve learned so much already: about myself, what I have to offer, to value myself and understand that people might not always appreciate you but that doesn’t mean someone else out there wouldn’t. Today I understand that every person on this planet is unique in their own way and that no one can imitate the way we love because this is a distinct characteristic each and every one of us holds. This person that came into my life after my ex and I broke up was only hope that things do get better.

    #95429
    asher
    Participant

    The one thing that helped me the most was writing down my story. I was able to observe what truly got me angry deep inside and I realized it was nothing to do with the rejection. I guess when you write down your story from the point where it started going downhill you’ll discover something new.

    #95566
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asher:

    in your last post above you wrote that you learned something new about what truly got you angry. Would you like to share what it is? I would like to know…

    anita

    #95583
    asher
    Participant

    What got me angry was this person’s dishonesty. I’ve learned that it isn’t my problem anymore because this was a reflection of their character and personality not mine. I’m in fact very happy that things didn’t workout with this particular person because she would have just hid things from me and one day walkout because she wouldn’t be able to face herself with all the lies she would be hiding from me.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by asher.
    #95590
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asher:

    Your time, your love are very valuable so indeed I understand that you would get angry when these are spent on someone who was dishonest with you. I do hope that in the future, when you feel affection toward a person, that you will take the time required to get to know that person, to get to know if they are worthy of your time and affection, before you invest more of your resources.

    Please post again, anytime!

    anita

    #95601
    asher
    Participant

    Thank you Anita I truly value your feedback and I will take what you’ve told me into deep consideration.

    #95603
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, asher. Hope to hear from you again and will respond again then!

    anita

    #95646
    Lonely88
    Participant

    Man yea your right I mean I still feel the guilt that if I could have done that this way or that maybe things would be different but it is what it is I just can’t understand and makes me feel what u feel asher because she full of lies and don’t wana be honest she hides her feelings that she prob doesn’t even know her self anymore I feel like all this time being together she was jus looking for a gateway an excuse to break up ..I even left her everything all well furnished and even the car I just grabbed my things and walked away which I didn’t have to do that just that I chose too even fact that we did not have kids together

    #95647
    Lonely88
    Participant

    I’m tired of wasting time of my life for someone that doesn’t even thinks about me or that no longer loves me. I have tried and tried to move on all this time wasted illusinatin something. That Will never happen again ..question is ,
    What can I do to over come this , move on with my life like she has ?,

    #95655
    dreaming715
    Participant

    This advice from an article on this website has been extremely helpful to me in dealing with heartbreak.

    We all want closure. In looking for this type of closure, we are often giving away our power. We’re saying, “I cannot move past this experience until…”

    The outside world cannot take care of our feelings. Only we’re able to do that internally. Release the need for outside mediation or validation.

    Assert that we can move forward regardless of what is happening in the outside world.

    Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the other person who upset you. What can you do about this? Visualize it melting away. This is an act of kindness to yourself.

    Also remind yourself of how this person was not perfect and potentially unhealthy for you or prevented you from moving in a forward direction in your life. Think of the quote, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

    We can all get through this! I can say with absolute certainty that we won’t feel this way forever. The only constant in life is change and it would be impossible to remain in this state of mind. Amazing, fulfilling things are ahead of us!

    #95663
    asher
    Participant

    @Lonely88 I understand and feel your pain inside out, I know what it is like to give yourself up to someone and they just throw you away like you don’t mean anything. I would also consider this a blessing for you because think about it in this way even imagine if you had kids with this person? Do you think it would still prevent her from breaking it up? Would you really want a wife that is dishonest and doesn’t know what she is doing with herself? Or even know who she is? From what I can see is that you’re a nice man and nature one day will reward you with someone that would respect you and thrive for your attention. Another thing I realized is that people are sometimes too busy picking up stones one day they’ll wake up and realize that they’ve lost a diamond. You honestly did the best you can for this girl, you gave her everything but she is was too blind to see what you could do for her. What I suggest you do is work on yourself put this wonderful energy in you and become the best version of yourself. I have a few suggestions I would say engage in disciplined physical activities martial arts, or get yourself a gym coach and start killing your body in way you thought was never possible. Feel good about yourself because you’re a wonderful person so do what is best for you now and not for anyone else.

    #95664
    asher
    Participant

    @dreaminng715 thank you for taking the time to reply I feel what you said reflects on to me also.

    #95665
    Lonely88
    Participant

    Thank you @dreaming715 for taking time to read my story and also @asher .it feels nice that we have the same experiences and there’s still people out there that you can relate too ..your absolutely right @dreaming715 time is your best friend heals every wound, but with me it’s going for 3yrs and I still carry this pain n lost love for this girl. on the other hand she’s busy doing her self that she forgot our history we once upon time had..@asher don’t get me wrong bro I took her for granted and maybe didn’t giver her enough love or could have treated her better. I guess that’s probably one reason why I can’t move on because I’m beating my self up of how maybe I could have prevented this from happening if I only did things different.it’s funny @asher that you mention the part about kids because I would say to my self only if maybe we had a child with each other maybe that could have United us together back again n honestly asher this woman turned my life upside down yet I’m still crawling she left me on 2013. On 2014 when I didn’t think things could get worse, well it did it got worst I went to jail then lost my job so I’m back to where I first started off after high school with nothing .we actually don’t talk to each other unless I decide to call but it takes 2 to conversate n I guess that why I limit my self to call her because she puts no effort on trying to see how I’m doing and we’ll u know jus general neutral conversation. For some reason she thinks she doing better than me or is better than me. Well I guess I can say she’s some what is doing better than me because she was able to keep her job reason why I lost mine because depression hit me very bad over this breakup n as u can see it didn’t bother her on bit .but I guess she believes she’s better than me because I had no choice but to move back with my parents bc she kept the house we was living (renting) n well she’s not struggling as far as oh I need a new couch etc. Bc I left her all well furnished everything brand new so she doesn’t know how it feels to not have nothing and to start from the bottom n so maybe that’s why she thinks she’s better or doing better than me n I ask my self how are u better than be when your out there doing same as I am partying n getting wasted .and she also looks down on my friends .but I really did take the extra mile to show her n prove her how much truly I loved this girl and how sorry I was .but she doesn’t believe in 2nd chances I told her I was young n immature , but honestly ppl I never thought I would go this far as far as talking to couselor or going to therapy to try to save a marriage or relationship I guess that’s prove how love truly is a powerful thing that would make people do thugs out of their nature .guess you don’t know what you have till you loose what you had .look forward to hear advises,opinions. Feel free to correct me my friends thanks

    #95666
    Lonely88
    Participant

    I tell her that we all make mistakes but I guess she believes in perfection smh

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)

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