June 24, 2013 at 6:14 pm #37425
I have had some difficult times communicating with people. I am also not socially inept either. It’s just that there are some people who are sensitive to a point where they will misinterpret a comment or question in an offensive way.My intent could be perfectly innocent and they will get upset. Now I am not saying that they are entirely the problem because I could be the one with communication problems and not know it.
Just recently I was TEXTing a friend whom I have just started to get to know.
I wrote, “what qualities do you like in other people?”
She replied with a list of good attributes.
I responded by texting that those are good attributes.
This is what I think are good attributes positive, creative etc…
Then her response to me was, “are you saying I am shallow?” After which she completely stopped communication with me. What happened?
I absolutely don’t recall anything that could have communicated that she was shallow. Perhaps I am just socially inept after all?
Yes, texting is not the best method of communication and I plan to give it up someday, but this kind of stuff occasionally happens with me in face to face communication as well.
Is there a way in which I might improve how I communicate so as to avoid inadvertent offenses?
June 24, 2013 at 6:54 pm #37428
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that perhaps it’s not how you’re communicating, but with whom.
If you’re well grounded, speak from the heart, and have a healthy ego, then even a miscommunication could be easily rectified with a clarification. But if you find people are overacting and closing themselves off, then, you have to ask yourself, who are these people with whom you’re having these problems? Is there a pattern that you can recognize?
Also keep in mind. It’s not you. It’s not them. It’s both of you. Sometimes, you won’t be able to connect with people with whom you’re not compatible in terms of communication. Maybe under different circumstances – different time of year, age, stage in life, but at this point, that connection is just not there. As you become more self-aware and accept that you can’t be friends with everyone (even those people with whom you would like to be friends), the less energy you’ll expand trying beat a dead horse.
Focus your energy on those with whom you do connect. Try and make new friends, but don’t unnecessarily push the envelope if the other person is not willing to meet you at your half-way point.
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- This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by John.
June 26, 2013 at 6:29 am #37467
As a society, we seem to be doing a great job of taking everything as a personal insult. We’ve learned to assume the worst. Instead of accepting a compliment like “you look nice today” we take it as an insult meaning “you don’t look nice on other days, and I want you to know that today you meet my standards.” One thing we can never, ever know is what the other person truly means to say. We have rely on our own interpretations. If we perceive everyone in the world is insulting us, then everythng will be an insult. I don’t know how you can fight that.You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
July 1, 2013 at 8:13 pm #37743
Hi Tera – Sorry to hear you’re having difficulties.
When I communicate with people, I try to remember that no matter how clear my words are, there is a chance the other person will misinterpret them.
Think about it – Have you ever been in a situation where someone said something to you, and you were kind of offended, and then they had to explain what they really meant? Misunderstandings happen all the time.
I think you’re approaching the issue in a healthy way. All you can do is send a clear message… Once it’s out there, it’s up to them to interpret it as they will!You must be logged in to reply to this topic.