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My ex and I start talking after 4 years

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Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #125811
    Muratcan
    Participant

    Hi everyone, my ex and I start to talk and hangout again after 4 years and I realised that I’m still into her. We were best friends at that time and we flirt long time. When we finally open ourself to each other we started dating like a year. We broke up twice. And I was not able to find the problem with our relationship. So today we talked about getting back together. But there is a problem, she had a boyfriend that she loves. She said to me that he was the first person who loved since we broke up. So I’m care too much to her and I don’t trust myself to make it through. I scare to upset her like before and I don’t want to upset her. Even so, I want to be with her. But I’m thinking the future for me and for her. In the long run we still have a potential to break up and this will end our connection forever. Can anyone help me for this situation?
    Thank you!

    #125830
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wohochi:

    Does your ex girlfriend have a new boyfriend now, the one that she loves?

    anita

    #125868
    Muratcan
    Participant

    Hi anita,
    Yes, she loves him but also she loves me and I don’t want to force her to be with me.

    #125869
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wohochi:

    She has a boyfriend already, another young man who loves her and she loves him. Better not hang out with her for as long as she has a boyfriend.

    Would you not like a girlfriend who is only your girlfriend? I wouldn’t want to share a girlfriend, if I was you.

    anita

    #125870
    Max Bye
    Participant

    Hi Wohochi,
    It’s great that you were brave enough to share your true feeling with your ex.
    Now, the ball is in her court. She has to choose.
    If she dumps her new bf to be with you, then that to some extent proves she has got over whatever problem broke you two in the first place and is happy to start again.
    If she chooses her new bf then I’m truly sorry but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
    It wouldn’t be right for you to force anything, it is her decision.
    The absolute best thing you can do is give her space, go out and meet as many new people and have as many new experiences as humanely possible. Best of luck my friend and well done on telling your ex how you feel, a lot of people in your situation wouldn’t have the guts.

    #125899
    Muratcan
    Participant

    hi anita,
    but as mrmoonhead said everything depend on her now. She give signals like she will leave him and be with me. But I’m little afraid about this relationship. As we change, we still be the same in our core. I really don’t want to block her happiness.

    #125900
    Muratcan
    Participant

    Thank you for your comment, mrmoonhead. I realised this when we start talking again. In past years we did some small talk, we celebrate our birthdays but I didn’t feel like I’m feeling right now. And I’m having problems about my romantic relationships, I can’t see me with other girls. After her, I just flirt, and after a while I just see them as a friend.

    #125902
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wohochi:

    How are you afraid that you will be “blocking her happiness”?

    anita

    #125905
    Muratcan
    Participant

    Very much, I care too much and she’s mean a lot to me.

    #125908
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wohochi:

    If she is mean to you, please, have no relationship with her. It is not to your benefit to have a relationship with a person who is mean to you.

    anita

    #125948
    Max Bye
    Participant

    Hi Wohochi,
    I would take Anita’s advice with a pinch of salt – all people can be mean at times.
    If she wants to get back with you and is happy to ditch the other guy then happy days.
    Otherwise, you’re putting this girl to high up in your expectations.
    The image in your head will probably not match expectation, especially if she’s treating you bad.
    Just keep putting yourself out there, eventually you will find a girl that you will be able to see yourself with.

    #125962
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Hi Wohochi,
    4 years has past since you last knew each other – how do you know you are compatible at this time in life? You’ve had a few conversations with her, but she may have changed and so may have you, are you compatible?
    Also, do you like the fact that she has a boyfriend and is talking or thinking about you in any way? What if you get together and another man comes along who she takes a liking too (I know the circumstance is different because you were together once)?
    Just my opinion, but something to think about

    #125966
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * mrmoonhead: You wrote to the Original Poster (OP), above: “I would take Anita’s advice with a pinch of salt”. Please do not critic the advice of people responding to the OP, mentioning the names of respondents and negatively criticizing their advice. Such practice discourages people from responding to threads and is not necessary: you can advise an OP all you want without mentioning another respondent.
    anita

    #126075
    Muratcan
    Participant

    Poppy hi,
    I mean this could be fun. After 4 years people change and it would be like we starting from scratch. We can try to understand our new identities and habits. It can be explain as reconstructing an historical building. Well the other questions can be solved by me. I’m a open minded person and I believe that we can manage somehow, I’m saying that because I know her, still I do. But it’s up to her now. I giving myself to her, I’m offering a new relationship without our old mistakes.

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