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My partner is depressed.. what can I do?

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  • #110811
    MAPLE
    Participant

    My partner suffered from depression due to his ex not allowing him access to his kids.
    He spiral downward and I can see it happening and feel so helpless.
    He doesn’t want medication but then won’t do things like go for walks .. doesn’t eat properly and shuts himself away in his house.
    It’s heartbreaking to watch. He is so amaxing with my children and has shared custody but doesn’t want to put the kids through the courts again.
    He has been suicidal but came back out.
    Any advice .. I know I can’t fix the problems but I just feel so helpless and it gets me down.

    #110812
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi mapleleaf68,

    Depression can be heavy. I had a depressed ex-girlfriend, and she said even things like cuddling and telling him everything will be all right can make things even worse. I think you just have to give him the space he needs to work things through while still being there when he needs someone. Perhaps find out the specific reasons why his ex won’t let him see his kids, and then he can prove that he is working to address them. Depression often means you are moving away from something you should be moving towards. Just trying to start to make things better should hopefully start to help him. There tends to usually be a lot of bitterness in these types of disputes, so perhaps working with a positive third party can help.

    #110813
    MAPLE
    Participant

    I know the reasons. He injured his back and had a bad reaction to pain medications. He has a doctors note saying this and he stopped that particular medication.
    It’s awful. He is meant to go on holiday with us next week..tickets booked .. I just hope he gets on that plane. It will do him the world of good to get out his “monster house” as we both call it. It seems to drain the life out of him.

    #110826
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mapleleaf68:

    Maybe you can talk him into going out with you someplace he used to like to go to, a particular coffee house or restaurant or someplace quiet, a park and encourage him to talk there, to tell you how he feels. Listen to him attentively, ask him questions gently, just so to get him to talk. It makes people feel a whole lot better when they get to talk to someone who lets them talk, who doesn’t interrupt with advice and useless “it will get better” and “it will be alright” (How can anyone promise such a thing anyway?_

    Just let him get the words out. “You miss your children, don’t you?” Or ask him about anything at all, trivial. He will feel better the moment he can get the feelings into words.

    Or just get him to a place he used to like and just sit there with him, holding his hand.

    anita

    #110828

    Hi beautiful! Just know this won’t last forever and is only temporary. You and your hubby and kids desevre joy and happiness! It will be a process to be able to get him to see his kids but with positivity and hard work and having faith and being the best support system for him and smiling and showing joy and unconditional love and support and listening to him. All you can do for him at this moment is always be there for him let him know he isn’t alone and that it can work out. Remain positive and hopeful and rmemeber you all deserve joy <3 try reminding him that if he doesn’t properly take care of himself he will not be able to fully be there for his kids and try to find out why the main reason he cannot see them ask the ex girlfriend and try to work it out so everyone can be happy. Tell her everyone deserves a chance and those kids are a blessing to him, to deny him visits to see them is wrong and needs to work for everyone. Helping each other will get you through this and so will having a common ground and understanding. Her denying him to see the kids will make the kids unhappy too, tell her that she needs to think of their well being too and they to figure out why she won’t let him exactly see them. Things will work out the way they are meant to. You are such a hardworking beautiful person doing her best while her loved one is not okay. You should be proud of yourself hon we certainly are. YOU ARE AMAZING and all your love to your hunny matters and is crucial in his time. He also has much to live for kids who still love him, opportunities, new memories to create and you..just being alive and loved by people and many more reasons why life is so beautiful and not something to give up on<33 bless you and your beautiful family try talking to other people too to get their input. You are NOT ALONE you are loved and your hubbys reason o smile. He will get through this so will you. Stay pisitive show him love kindness smiles remind him of good times do what you can! He will get througg the emotion sometimes we nees to feel other things to grow and learn.nothing you do is useless it will be worth it so proud of you beautiful angel <3

    #110831
    MAPLE
    Participant

    He does talk to me.. most of the time. I love him so much and I am the person he told about his suicide attempt so I know he trusts me.

    I also know this darkness co sumps him.. and I am currently 6000km away visiting my parents. I just keep saying..I’m here and I love him. He is such an amazing man and can’t see it.

    He needs to get on the plane and join me.. when we are together he is strong. I didn’t want to go on this trip but have family commitments.

    He needs help.

    #110846
    FRecvencu
    Participant

    When I had depression 2 years ago, I was thankful that my family just treated me as if I was physically sick. They let me sleep on entire days and they’d buy me the foods that I wanted. When I was a child I loved it when my mother gave me sponge baths every time I had a fever. Maybe you can let him go back to that little child in him and just nurture and spoil him for a bit… I don’t know if this will help you but I wish you well.

    #110857
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mapleleaf68:

    Then talk to him on the phone while you are away, or, if things get worse for him, fly back to be with him or have him fly to you. What else can you do…?

    anita

    #110920
    MAPLE
    Participant

    He is meant to fly next Sunday… I know how good it will be for him to be here.. if I had the money I would fly back and get him..

    #110923
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mapleleaf68:

    I hope he knows how much you care for him and that it comforts him. Keep letting him know how much you care, and that you are there for him. He is fortunate to have you. Take care of yourself so that you don’t suffer unnecessarily because of your partner’s depression. It will not benefit him- or you, of course- if you live in distress yourself because of him. Do your best to be calm and have quality time where you are.

    anita

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