March 1, 2017 at 6:07 am #131889
so for years it’s been up and down and after a lot of research and listening to my own intuition, dreams, spirituality, opening my eyes to what has always been there and really looking at myself and saying what did I do and blaming myself I realized my bf has the tendencies of being a narcissist and I cannot trust him and I do not want to live in this relationship in my head anymore. the truth is I am terrified and moving out. Having to take my kids and no money and just going, running actually and rebuilding that self esteem he worked so hard to kill.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading on this and Im just looking for a positive support group.
Thank you.March 1, 2017 at 8:26 am #131899
I’ll be glad to be in that “positive support group” that you are looking for, in order to leave this relationship. It is scary, but as you wrote in July 2014, regarding the same (?) relationship: “So now my journey is to believe and trust in myself again He may have taken a year out of life, but every day I remind myself I will not let him take another. I will not give him that power.”
March 1, 2017 at 8:55 am #131905
- This reply was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by anita.
I just went through the samething with my now ex. We dated for a year before we moved in together. I lived in another state and I had to wait for my oldest to graduate, and just to make sure things would work. After about 5 months, I just kept getting the gut feeling that he was not “the one”, I tried to ignore it, because I thought I loved him.
I seen how mean he could be to people and always felt bad for the person he was being mean to. His mother adored him, always talked him up to everyone. She adored him, but very overbearing, and he would warn me about how she could be. He was exactly like her, and he was the meanest to her.
One day he was mean to me, and I will never forget the look on his face and the words that came out of his mouth towards me. He said looking me dead in the eyes and said this. “You are nothing to me, you were nothing to me, you were just a bump in the road that I plowed through.” That’s when that gut feeling never went away.
When we finally ended it, He said the meanest things I ever heard, and could ever imagine. But as time goes on, I feel sorry for him more than anything else. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he acted, the things he done, or the things he said. I know just from that, that me feeling any other way but relieved to be away from a relationship like that was nothing but a blessing.March 1, 2017 at 9:05 am #131909
Yes the same relationship…I was finally moving on, felt so light and the first time I really felt at peace with my emotions and myself and he texted..i felt strong enough o meet and guess what? I wasn’t…I believed all the lies of how he felt about me, and not about her ectt….I believed them because in reality I wanted to. I wanted to know that he was also hurting, which I know now, narcissist don’t, so fast forward moving in, making my son part of this, knowing my intuition was pushing me all the time to just believe in me, with numerous ways that his type of person continued to manipulate me and I continued to believe more in him then myself. I’ve done a lot of reaseach on me and him and realized doesn’t matter what he is like and if he is a narcissist, or just an asshole, my spirits tell me (as weird as that sounds to some)..run…run..run…you are better then this…do it for your future, your future to meet that person you will feel complete joy with…do it for you own personal…spiritual growth…do it so your children see you happy and know what a healthy relationship is…money issues…job issues ..ect all of those are material things that will within this year of feeling happy with yourself all fall into place. Sometimes I just need people to say WE know you got this…Believe in yourself!!! He has shown me so much negative about myself that it’s diffiuclt at times to see me any differntley and to keep strong.
I still can’t believe that something from 2014 came up lol Amazing, just wehne I needed it.March 1, 2017 at 9:08 am #131911
Hi Nicky…thank you for that…I can totally relate and I am so happy and relieve for you that you did something about it. I want that strength. !! I will have that strength..I am so proud of you. The sense of peace the last time was so incredible, I had started looking really looking in the mirror again and smiling and it seemed like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I want to feel like that again.March 1, 2017 at 9:22 am #131915
The benefit of looking at “ACTIVITY” (point the cursor at FORUMS, and then click on ACTIVITY on the drop down menu) is that you can read your own past words and learn from your own history.
So you are feeling good right now, like you did then, July 2014. You feel quite strong, like you did then. What you did then, was meeting him, listening to what he told you and you were back with him. Learning from that experience would mean to not duplicate it. So, not meeting him, not giving him the opportunity to talk to you, not hearing or reading his input.
Because you are still vulnerable to him. Stay strong by cutting all contact with what weakened you before and will weaken you again.
anitaMarch 1, 2017 at 9:29 am #131919
There are all kinds of abuse and what you are dealing with is emotional abuse , check with women shelters in your area as well as calling the abuse hothe line and see if there is anything they can do . The best thing you can do is write down in a journal all that is said to you by him and how it makes you feel, time dates everything. You will need this if you have to go to court. In order to leave him you need all the backing you can get. If anything you will have it as a reminder. Good luckMarch 1, 2017 at 9:40 am #131921
* Correction to my last post to you: to get to your history click your username, in blue. That will give you your personal posting history: all the posts you wrote in your own threads and your replies to other members’ threads.
anitaMarch 1, 2017 at 12:25 pm #131951
I did go back and read my post. OMG you knw the saying if I only knew then what I know now lol The difference now I feel weaker is that we live in the same house. Then I had my own place so i could basically ignore him, so much easier to just block him, now it’s the I don’t want to lose you ect…but since I told him im not sure I want to be there anymore, he changed his password on his cell account and funny he has been working late the last few nights. Hum..One thing I learnt with a narc there is no such thing as coincidence. NEVER. So I want more then this. time to find a place of my own. Please send good vibes that something affordable and decent comes my way ASAP. i think the quicker i get this done the better it wil be for me.March 1, 2017 at 12:57 pm #131955
I do hope you find an affordable and decent place to live very soon.
Back to the quote from back then: “my journey is to believe and trust in myself”- a worthy journey.
This journey re-started when you told him that you “not sure I want to be there anymore” and it continues today and every day. That is the nature of this kind of journey: it doesn’t start when you find a place of your own, it starts now.
Avoid communication with him except for what is absolutely necessary for practical reasons. Set a goal for yourself: to not reach out to him in any way, shape or form and resist today, tonight and every day from now on, the compulsion, the impulse to reach out once again.
Practice and it will get easier, over time.
anitaMarch 3, 2017 at 4:47 am #135201
I’m sending you all the white light and intentions towards you finding a place all your own. I consider it done! So I’m speaking now to you while you are in the safety and sanity of your own pad:
The Number One Rule Going Forward is don’t subject your children to living with an unrelated man. They see (even subconsciously) you putting all your attention towards a stranger instead of to them. They see you becoming emotionally, mentally and psychically depleted. This has to stop! Let them (for once) have it be all about them. Time is fleeting and soon you can do whatever you want. Just make sure the next guy is worthy of you.