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Negativity, Mistakes, and Regret

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  • #75955
    Haylee
    Participant

    My wedding shower was on Sunday and I really put my foot in it. Most of the people there were my fiance’s family, but my aunt and uncle and a couple cousins came. Unfortunately, I don’t have the best relationship with my cousins as they’ve nearly always made me feel negative about myself, and I don’t associate with them much as a result. In any case, they were invited to come to the shower, but when they arrived, they only said a quick hello before leaving the area where the party was being held to hang out with some friends while my fiance’s family started the shower. Someone asked me who the people were that had separated themselves from the party, and I said ‘Those are my cousins. They’re such losers, haha.’

    I said it because they were the only ones who weren’t with the rest of the party, and my tone when I said it was a joking one, but unfortunately, my aunt overheard and is very upset. She’s even threatened not to come to the wedding, which has upset my mom, her sister. I personally would not be upset if they didn’t attend the wedding, but my mom will be, and for that, I feel terrible. I know I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I called my aunt to apologize, but she did not seem very willing to forgive. I’m assuming my cousins also are not feeling very willing to forgive. I have admitted my mistake, and apologized, but I can’t stop feeling terrible about my mistake, and I’ve had several anxiety attacks about it. What else can I do?

    #75982
    Will
    Participant

    Let go of your need to be forgiven by your aunt/cousins. Let go of your need to have everyone be happy. If your mother is upset, it’s her upset. It’s not for you to manage. You’ve owned up to your mistake and asked for forgiveness. There is nothing more to do.

    If you want forgiveness, practice forgiveness. Forgive yourself for making a mistake. Forgive your aunt for being upset. Forgive your cousins for separating themselves, and for your generally not-stallar relationship. Forgive your mum for being upset about your aunt maybe not coming, and forgive yourself for being upset about that. Forgive yourself for being unable to forgive. Then do it all over again.

    Keep practicing, keep calming yourself, trust that however things turn out will be an ok way for them to turn out. And let everyone be upset if that’s how they’re going to be, including yourself.

    My best wishes to you, and good luck for your marriage.

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