fbpx
Menu

Relationship Advice Appreciated

HomeForumsRelationshipsRelationship Advice Appreciated

New Reply
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #147085
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    Hello everyone, so I have been in a relationship with this girl for almost 5 years and been living together for 1 year. This girl loved me to bits and would have done anything for me, but I always felt like maybe I “could do better”. She always hinted that she wanted me to propose to her which at the time I didn’t feel like doing. I was always a bit harsh on her not showing enough love, even though I love her as well. Last month she found on my phone that I for the past months I have been talking on and off with my ex from 5 years ago, a girl which I consider a good friend and with who I get along well. I was not looking to be in a relationship with her, just talking as good friends with a pinch of flirt. Now my gf thinks I cheated on her with this girl last summer (which I did not) so she decided to leave me without any notice or communication. For the past month I’ve been trying to get in contact with her (even though she blocked me on everything), even visited her at her parents house a few times, but everytime she just talks to me with anger telling me we have nothing in common anymore, that I should leave her alone as our lives have parted forever. Also note that I am her first boyfriend and that now she is 21 and I am 25. I love her a lot and want to make it work but she just wouldn’t let me back in her life. For the past month she went a bit weird as well, going from the shyest and nicest girl to “young wild crazy and free” mentality. She started talking to her friends about just wanting to have fun and go party and drink. She also started talking to some guys on facebook telling them that she would go out with them, but not date. Just have fun as friends. What do you guys think I should do next?

     

    Thank you!

    #147109
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dhragosh:

    There might be nothing you can do next, that is, she sounds determined that her relationship with you is over and she is approaching life differently now.

    Three questions for you:

    what about your ex gf was not good enough for you (you wrote that you felt that you could do better)?

    why were you harsh with your ex gf even though you loved her?

    What was the nature of “the pinch of flirt”  with your 5-years-ago gf that your recent ex gf read on your phone?

    anita

    #147111
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t submit properly…

    #147113
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    1. I felt like she was not as smart and attractive as I would have liked my future wife to be.

    2. I guess we depolarised and with each day I was seeing her less and less attractive and less interested to listen/show love. It was stupid and I should have seen the good and not take her for granted…

    3. Once I said “I miss you already” when I left my home country and came back to UK where I live, which is why my recent ex thought I met and cheated with. Also on her birthday she asked me if I bought her anything as a joke and I said “yes ofc” and showed her a photo of a receipt that I had hanging around from Swarovski, again my gf thought I actually bought her a gift.

     

    For me it was harmless fun considering she lives in a different country, hence why I never deleted the messages on my phone…

    #147115
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    And yes now she is trying to adopt a “cool, fun, wild” approach to her life but that is, in my opinion, just a cover, to hide her hurt. She grew up from a teenage to a young adult with me and I know she is a very shy, nice person that always dreamed of being cool and attract boys left and right like the other girls she knows.

    #147121
    breakfastat
    Participant

    What do you want Dhragosh?  Ask yourself honestly what do you want?  Do you want her back?  Or are you reacting to the rejection?

    She’s young and yes  hurt.  But it appears that she at least knows her worth it seems… parting ways with someone who thought ‘he could do better’ than her…is a good move for her and you should let her go.  Perhaps space and growth may bring you back together in time.

    #147123
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    Yes I’ve been selfish and now I see that. I love her a lot and I want to be with her. I’ve learned that it was me making myself unhappy, not her. I was the one looking for faults instead of focusing on everything that was good.

    Even bought her a ring after breakup but was too late and gave it back to me…

    #147125
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dhragosh:

    I can understand the phone record being troubling to your girlfriend, especially in combination with a pattern of an unloving/ harsh behavior on your part through much of the relationship.

    Problem is, if you do get her back as your girlfriend… and maybe a future wife but still feel that she is not as smart or attractive as you would like your girlfriend/ wife to be- you will be doing her and you an injustice.

    Have you changed your mind about her smartness and attractiveness…?

    Which leads me to ask: since she ended the relationship with you, what changed for you; why do you want her back? If you got her back, what would be different?

    anita

     

    #147127
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    We posted at the same time but I think my reply above answers your questions. Well I have learned that it is not the fact that she is not the hottest person I know, or the most educated, what matters, but her loving personality. She would have done anything for me and I see now how I took her for granted. Even thought I treated her not too nice at times ( I was a bit bipolar to her, eg. I would get angry for no reason, but then cool down and apologise and tried to make her happy again), I love her a lot and losing her is something I never thought it would happen. It is true that maybe I am just scared, but a month in and I still dream her every single night and can’t sleep.

    #147129
    breakfastat
    Participant

    Ask her to meet you where you have an opportunity to lay it all out there and tell her how you feel, how you’ve grown, etc.  And then take it from there.

    I agree with Anita, if you have changed the way you feel about her, personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought they could do better.  I want someone who looks at me like I’m IT.  good luck

    #147131
    Dhragosh
    Participant

    I tried asking her to meet me but doesn’t want to and keeps asking me to leave her alone…

    She also tells everyone that I cheated on her and ofc everyone is supporting her and telling her she can do better than a cheater and she will find someone eventually, etc etc, but because I never cheated it makes me feel really bad that I can’t get the chance to tell her and prove to her that I am dedicated to her only.

    #147143
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dhragosh:

    You can learn from this relationship and how it ended: “I have learned that it is not the fact that she is not the hottest person I know, or the most educated, what matters, but her loving personality. She would have done anything for me and I see now how I took her for granted”- and you can use this learning in your next relationship.

    Thing is, she asserted herself very clearly with you. She does not want to get back with you. Show her the respect you have not shown her before and respect her wishes, respect her assertion. Let her be, accept her choice.

    You can’t control her perception of your phone communication with your girlfriend before her; you can’t control what she tells others and what others say. All you can do is state your position if you have the opportunity.

    The fact that you didn’t physically cheat on her, unfortunately to you, doesn’t earn you credit. In her state of mind, it doesn’t matter.

    Again, learn what you can learn for the sake of a better relationship in the future, most likely with another woman.

    anita

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.