April 17, 2017 at 7:50 pm #145593
Dear Free Moon:
There is a way to heal from such past injury as you experienced and to have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend. Really, there is and it is very possible for you. Best place to start this healing work is in competent psychotherapy.
You wrote: “I was so jealous of their relationship because my mom was paying more attention to the nanny than me, and it felt as if she was wishing for her to be the daughter instead. Of course, that’s not the case…Yeah… I was a weird kid.”
You were not a weird kid. You did not imagine things. Children are very good at perceiving people and situations as they truly are because of lack of previous experiences. Without previous experiences, there is no distortions of reality.
Your mother, in reality, gave you very little attention, way less than a child needs. When the nanny was around, your mother, in reality, paid attention to the nanny while mostly ignoring you. You needed her to pay attention to you so intensely and she didn’t. That hurt you a whole lot and you were jealous of the nanny.
In competent psychotherapy, with an empathetic, hard working therapist, you can process these strong childhood emotions and put them to rest. Is such therapy possible for you?
April 19, 2017 at 6:51 am #145799
- This reply was modified 5 days, 16 hours ago by anita.
I think it is possible for me. There is counselling for depression and anxiety in my area that might help me overcome this situation.
Meanwhile, what can I do on my personal time to achieve such goal of not fearing fear?April 19, 2017 at 8:28 am #145811
Dear Free Moon:
I hope the counseling will work for you, that you will let the counselor know specifically, best you can, what you need help with.
Your goal is “not fearing fear”- let’s look at this goal. Do you mean that you want to live without fear? And can you state your fear in a sentence?
anitaApril 19, 2017 at 9:15 am #145839
I want to live where if fear comes, I am able to just watch it without letting it affect me.
My fear is being left alone or replaced…April 19, 2017 at 9:48 am #145849
Dear Free Moon:
You can do the following: write or type a page describing your experience as a child, being in the company of the nanny and your mother, while your mother was attending to the nanny in loving ways, ignoring you. Type what you heard your mother say to the nanny, the emotion in her voice as she said what she did, her actions toward the nanny. Describe what you were thinking, feeling, and doing at the time it happened.
If you want, draw a picture of that scene, draw it in a child like manner, the way a child would draw herself, the nanny, the mother, in that scene.
When you are done, you have this paper with you. You can make a few copies of it. Keep a copy in your purse so you have it wherever you go. Have a copy at home. Then, whenever you think of your boyfriend and his female friend, take the paper out and look at the picture, read the words, either one, or both.
This way, you switch from the false perception of the current situation to the true perception of the past situation that keeps inserting itself into the current one. If you try this, let me know how it works..?