Dear AngelsWhispers:

He told you something like: “You are pretty damn close to being It, but there is Something I cannot define that feels wrong to me. I really want you to be It, but there is Something that keeps you from being that person (It)…”

The Something is an unappealing to him trait, could be anything. It is a woman who has nothing unappealing about her, no Something. It is a perfect woman.

No woman can be It because there is no such thing as perfect.

Unless he went to serious psychotherapy to heal and manage his anxiety (which is what is fueling his OCD), continuing a relationship with him, wouldn’t it be quite miserable? Wondering what Something he was fixated on at any moment… the way you eat, maybe; the way you sneezed.. wouldn’t this be a stressful life?

I hope you feel the sadness, accept the ending of this relationship and be a bit open to consider that this ending is a good thing.

Don’t give up on love; give up on love with him…

anita

Dear AnglesWhispers:

You are welcome. I hope your therapy goes well and that your obsessing on the ending of this relationship will weaken and weaken and soon enough, stop altogether. I’ve had OCD from a very early age: obsessions and compulsions. The compulsions were from performing simple to elaborate rituals (to neutralize the danger in the thoughts/obsessions) to having to say this or that to a person. The way to weaken OCD is to resist the compulsion, to resist that drive to do or say. The more a person resists successfully, the weaker the link becomes between the thought and the compulsion.

If you don’t experience the Compulsion element of OCD, I believe that resisting the thinking (by healthy distraction, thought stopping techniques, perhaps) will weaken the obsessing.

anita