I have had the same pattern in relationships for as long as I can remember. None of my friendships or romantic relationships have ever gone well or lasted very long. I typically go through periods of isolation between friendships or relationships. I feel heavy, and it is hard to share this.

I usually resort to guilt-tripping people into my life. And in the past I have tried to promise sexual things to get people to stay as well.

Also, I am never in relationships with available people. Many of them have been into drugs, partying, have busy jobs, other girlfriends.. I definitely have never felt important or like a priority. But it feels like that is the only thing I am attracted to. I end up always waiting for them, paranoid, sweating, numb.. attempting anything to distract myself.

it is really hard to write this. If you have any input, personal stories, or questions.. please reply. Thank you.