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Some suggestions that might help for people going through breakup or divorce

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This topic contains 23 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Brav3 Brav3 4 days, 17 hours ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 16 through 24 (of 24 total)
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  • #122829
    Profile photo of Fazc
    Fazc
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I am new to this site and having great difficulty with a break up.

    Found this thread really insightful and am now really questioning a lot. I am definitely stuck on #5 though 4-7 are also high on my list.

    It is a great idea to perhaps bring this thread at the start from time to time as I have been scrolling through pages and pages until I found this.

    Thought I’d let you know how helpful I found this @brav3 @anita.

    #122831
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    * Dear fazc:

    I am glad you found this thread helpful. You wrote that you are having a great difficulty with a break up. Would you like to start your own thread on it? If you do, click FORUMS, Choose CATEGRORY, That would be RELATIONSHIP, click that and scroll down the page.

    anita

    #122921
    Profile photo of Anon
    Anon
    Participant

    Dear Brav3
    Thats a very well written post breakup advice. Thank you.
    You mentioned in #2 about No contact.
    I completely agree with you in theory, although I get incredible urges to stalk my ex on Facebook. I try so hard to suppress it. One part of wants to know what he is upto.
    How does one restrain oneself from such triggers?
    Love <3

    #124900
    Profile photo of Brav3
    Brav3
    Participant

    Dear Faby,

    Sorry for the delayed reply as I was away. I am glad that you find this thread helpful. I wrote simply to understand and help others.

    Yes. no. 5, poor self worth, is hard to handle. However, breakup is an opportunity to look deep into these issues that have been sitting in back of our mind for a very long time. If you work through this, you will find yourself and your inner strength to deal with any shit of life. I am happy to give you some guidance if needed.

    This is a wake up call for you, don’t waste it.

    Good luck Brav3

    #124903
    Profile photo of Brav3
    Brav3
    Participant

    Dear Anon

    I am glad to know that its helping someone. More than happy to explain any point of needed.

    No contact rule is a frame on which your healing process stands on. Breaking this rule causes delays or stop the process of healing. If you really want to heal, please understand that it is highly essential for you to not break this rule. And if that means deleting your Fb account or giving up fully then do it. Everytime you break this rule, you reinforce the same loop in your mind that you created when you were with your ex, which will continue to make you stuck in the rut.

    So, solution to this is either you fully delete your facebook or never open it until you honestly feel that you are healed. In my case, I deleted my facebook, changed my phone no. and cut my contact with common friends as well.

    Your life is about you, don’t stay stuck in the past, don’t make it your jail. I know what it is like when your heart is broken into million pieces and I am saying it to you, time to get up and do things so that you can healed and be a much wiser person. You can do this, you know, you can.

    Brav3

    #125126
    Profile photo of Me as I am
    shaheed
    Participant

    I am currently going through my first real break up. The reason why I joined this site is because I need help desperately. I feel like im at the lowest point of my life. Worst part is I could engage in no contact for a while because of vacation days but now im back at university and she’s in my class at university, we were put into the same groups for assignments, we carpool together, I am doing an internship at a company she’s at and the guy she’s now involved with is too. At first when we broke up (august 2016) things were extremely bad. She told me she’s choosing to be alone and not to be with someone else. Which I found out wasn’t the case. The person she chose left her or something to that effect and she started speaking to me in the same we used to speak. Later she told me that it’s just the way she is and that she speaks to everyone that way. She told me there’s no hope for a future between us which I couldn’t believe. I still hoped. We stopped speaking for a while until she reconnected with me before new years eve. I met up with her, we spoke. Nothing more. We then started reconnecting as I thought but a few days ago I found out about the guy from work. We had a conversation about it and both said what we wanted to. She apologized and also tried playing the victim but that’s it. Yesterday I had a really bad day as I cut myself off from her when at university. Everyone knew something had happened and I was asked by a couple of people about it and it just broke me down further. I was having the worst day of my life and yet she was smiling at her texts on her phone. I thought I was doing better towards the end of the day but as we were leaving she told us (my friend whom we travel home with) that she’s going to be picked up by this guy today. I felt broken. How could she do this when she knows how badly I’m hurting. All of this has just been too much for me as it’s been going on since August 2016. Alternate waves of happiness and sadness. I haven’t been myself lately. Spoke to my mom about it and it helps when my mother is around but when she’s not I feel intensely hurt. I do want to feel better and move on but I feel deeply attatched and I cannot free myself. Someone please help me

    #125137
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    * Dear Shaheed:

    If you are interested in the Original Poster’s input only (that is, Brav3’s input), you posted in the correct thread and I hope he will answer you soon. If you are interested in my input/ other members’ input, please start your own thread: click FORUMS, choose CATEGORY (RELATIONSHIPS), click Relationships, scroll down the page to the empty box. You can copy the above and paste it there.
    anita

    #125153
    Profile photo of Me as I am
    shaheed
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I will be creating my own thread immediately, I just want to be helped whether its by yourself/others or Brav3. I’ll call it “first real break up” I hope to hear back from someone soon

    #125617
    Profile photo of Brav3
    Brav3
    Participant

    Shaheed,

    Your situation isn’t different to mine. However, the way you are reacting is very different. My ex and I work in same workplace, after breakup she was all laughing and smiling as usual and then told people at workplace that she has a new Bf.

    Here’s some tips –

    1. This is what you signed up for when you fell for girl in your school or workplace. Accept it now and bear this pain. Don’t run from it as you will make it worse. You can still maintain a no contact by just contacting for study related work only. Not a single word extra.

    2. Dude ! Why on earth you want this girl to continue mess up your life? Get up and take charge, if you really want to heal. Cut her loose, just talk only study/work, that’s it. Heal your heart, bro ! you deserve better.

    3. The waves will continue for some time. But you will be free, if you work on yourself. Do this exercise whenever you feel pain, close your eyes and bring your attention in your body. Focus on where it hurts the most, chest, stomach of throat. Then take deep breath as if you are breathing in your pain. If you do it right, you will see these waves disappearing.

    4. Its time to give your self love and work on your self esteem. Self love is very simple and very difficult thing to do. Do you know how to do it? Its different for everyone.

    5. Its good to talk to people who can help you. But remember, also, to let yourself feel pain. Because when you feel your pain fully, then only your healing will begin. So, talk to people, enjoy your things but stop as well and feel it fully. Cry it out and let it pass. It always passes.

    Hope this helps.

    Brav3

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