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Struggling

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This topic contains 0 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Avatar of evi evi 1 year, 2 months ago.

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #40142
    Avatar of Jamie
    Jamie
    Participant

    I’m having a hard time today. It is so gorgeous out and I’m getting ready to go to an Art’s and Wine Festival. I’m just depressed because I know my ex is talking to someone else and it has been four months now since we separated and I’m so heart broken. I just want to email him and tell him i miss him and break down obviously today I have fallen. I love him so much. I just want these feelings to go away. If I send him an email I know I’ll be making a fool of myself but it hurts feeling that he didn’t care. oh goodness. I just needed to vent.

    #40144
    Avatar of Buddhist Wife
    Buddhist Wife
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m sorry that you are so sad. Relationship break downs are the worst.

    There isn’t much I can say to help. Just try and take pleasure in the little things, the beauty of the art and the beauty of the wine. Some wine anyway, not too much ;)

    I wish you all the best

    #40150
    Avatar of William
    William
    Participant

    So sorry. And not a lot I can say. But……if it any help at all…..and I know you are hurting…remember who is precious her…it is you……it is something I am learning at cost…but you need to be complete within yourself…..never let your feelings be completely hostage to the actions of another……..your beauty is in you.

    #40152
    Avatar of maitri2all
    maitri2all
    Participant

    Be happy that you know feelings like this.. they are not owned by him.. they are yours.. you create these feelings.. not the other person

    Direct the feelings elsewhere.. most often towards yourself..

    I do not know the separation story but from what I have learned about attachment I feel better when I stay focused on WHO is creating the emotions ;)

    How do I feel about this
    How would I like to feel about this
    How do I choose to feel about this
    How do I feel about this now

    #40154
    Avatar of Matt
    Matt
    Participant

    Jamie,

    It sounds like going to the festival was a trigger, reminding you of your loneliness. Consider just noting the emotion… “oh yes, I remember this feeling, this is the unsettled feeling of loneliness. I don’t need to do anything with it, or imagine my ex, just notice the feeling and breathe.” When you attune to your body in such a way, the emotions settle and we can appreciate the art and wine, after all, that’s where our body actually is!

    I hope the beautiful day inspires a beautiful Jamie!

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #40167
    Avatar of Sunflower
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Hi Jamie:

    My daughter married last year in September, her new husband came home six months after the wedding and announced he wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. We don’t live in close proximity of each other so we talked on the phone a few times every day for quite a while and still do. I understand what you are going through. I just kept telling my daughter that when God closes one door he opens another. Not real helpful words at a time when you are hurting so much and it was a struggle for her too. After the divorce was final she met this wonderful young man that just adores her the way she should be adored, his marriage ended the same way, his was a few years ago so they aren’t on the rebound and it has taken her sometime to put her trust in a lot of things. I think what is most important is “you”..you will have days of struggle, your heart has been broken and you think it will never heal, but it will. If you have a good support system that also helps, staying busy and being kind to yourself, if you need to talk about how you are feeling reach out to someone you trust. We women tend to need to talk and talk until we are either exhausted of talking or figure something out and then sometimes we still don’t resolve the issue, but some how we feel a little better when we have someone to talk to. It is ok to feel sadness and lonely at times, try not to stay there though. Find a new hobby, do things that you might have always wanted to do but for some reason didn’t do them. Now is “your” time, spend it wisely and thoughtfully.

    Linda

    #40173
    Avatar of Letty
    Letty
    Participant

    Hi Jaime,

    I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly what you are going through. I was with someone for 3 years before things started to go wrong. When we split the first time I was devastated, couldn’t eat or sleep and constantly thought about him. Even when I was trying to keep myself busy, he was always there in my mind. As a result I kept reaching out to him to try to resolve our issues and make things work. We did make up only to split again months or weeks later. I came across this website recently and have loved reading the posts because I now recognise that my biggest issue was understanding why it a happened when I thought we were happy. There really are no answers that will ever satisfy me. You may feel the same way? I think what has helped me to move on is exactly what the other responders have written. Surround yourself with the people that love you, and if you can’t, talk to them on the phone. Do something new to keep your mind busy. Talk to people you trust about how you are feeling, people that will allow you the time and space to do this without judgement. Do the things you love and allow yourself to really enjoy them by focussing on the present. People always said to me it would get better and I was unsure it would, but please believe that time is a great healer and you will eventually be able to think about the relationship without feeling pain. Much love to you, stay strong, and do what you feel is tight for you xx

    #40174
    Avatar of Letty
    Letty
    Participant

    Hi Jaime,

    I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly what you are going through. I was with someone for 3 years before things started to go wrong. When we split the first time I was devastated, couldn’t eat or sleep and constantly thought about him. Even when I was trying to keep myself busy, he was always there in my mind. As a result I kept reaching out to him to try to resolve our issues and make things work. We did make up only to split again months or weeks later. I came across this website recently and have loved reading the posts because I now recognise that my biggest issue was understanding why it a happened when I thought we were happy. There really are no answers that will ever satisfy me. You may feel the same way? I think what has helped me to move on is exactly what the other responders have written. Surround yourself with the people that love you, and if you can’t, talk to them on the phone. Do something new to keep your mind busy. Talk to people you trust about how you are feeling, people that will allow you the time and space to do this without judgement. Do the things you love and allow yourself to really enjoy them by focussing on the present. People always said to me it would get better and I was unsure it would, but please believe that time is a great healer and you will eventually be able to think about the relationship without feeling pain. Much love to you, stay strong, and do what you feel is right for you xx

    #40192
    Avatar of Jamie
    Jamie
    Participant

    Letty, Buddhist Wife, William, maitri2all, Matt, and Linda,

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving me kind words of wisdom and giving me strength through this. My day turned around and I enjoyed the beauty and present moment of where I was. I have been doing much better. My friends last night told me I was doing so much better than before. I had a small relapse but I have been surrounding myself in Church this weekend. I went last night at 6pm and then I went again this morning. I have a busy productive afternoon with friends today and I’m feeling blessed. Sometimes it just is so hard, but I have to keep reminding myself that it is going to be okay. I’m so appreciative of you all on here. I don’t know how else I would be getting through this without support and encouragement from you all. Today is still young and I am happy today! Thank you! XOXOXOX

    #40475
    Avatar of evi
    evi
    Participant

    OK, I am new here I don’t even know where to start but I have been thru a lot but I have a good life and want to talk about it…

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)

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