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Stuck between decisions: should i stay or should i go?

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryStuck between decisions: should i stay or should i go?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #74491
    Olivia Hopkins
    Participant

    Dear Readers,

    I would like to ask for help everyone whos wiser. Ive been following the teachings and beautiful thoughts shared by people but right now i feel lost. Im in a relationship over 4 years. We fell in love in a bad time, the relationship was created with the poison of lies and lot of painful acts but we stayed together. We had some freaking amazing times but even until this very day my partner couldnt forgive me for my mistakes. She still uses the things ive done to hurt me. This hurts me and i feel unjust because ive changed and i am proud of that. And i know she will never completely forgive me, therefore i am not sure our love can ever be true and loving. We are too scarfed by each other. At the same time i think we are too attached. I wonder sometimes if im unable to let go because its true love or because im too attached to the memories and my believes that shell change and love me as i love her? Recently i joined a program to move to the USA. Shes from Asia, we have distance relationship. We meet half year and spend the rest apart. I have two choices: stay in Europe and wait and hope for this program to allow me to go or fly to her because it seems like a bigger chance? I want to be abroad, the thought of teaching children in America excites me. I feel anxious and happy and the program is positive because of my skills.being with her is right nowseems more comfortable, i can take it for granted. But i know that she wants to move too, she wants to travel. And whenever she tells me about her future she forgets we are a couple. Part of me feels i should dream big and fight for the future i imagined. But when i think of being without her i push it away, im too weak to have the courage to want to end it. Its too much weve been through i dont know how i could let her go. At the same time thinking of letting go doesnt really mean its true live is it? I feel i deserve someone who would sacrifice as much for me as i did for her.( i dont want anyone to do it, its just ive given up a lot and ivebent a lot to please her and make me love me) but at the end of the day she says she loves me but shes not in love.

    #74492
    Olivia Hopkins
    Participant

    Scarred*

    #74496
    Will
    Participant

    If she’s talking about her future, and you’re not in it, how much faith should you really have in this relationship?

    As for bending to make her love you, and her habit of bringing up your old missteps to hurt you, it just sounds like bad news. Free yourself. This isn’t the right one for you.

    #74498
    Olivia Hopkins
    Participant

    I know she loves me, on her own way. But i see your point. Its just hard taking a huge step like that even though i feel deep inside its what i should do. Its like some kind of drug addiction.

    #74502
    Kori Elizabeth
    Participant

    Olivia,

    Our stories are very different but in so many ways, I am right where you are. I have decided to leave a struggling relationship after almost 8 years. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but probably in the scheme of my life-the healthiest. I have found on this journey that you can love someone and still not be right or even healthy for them (yet addicted and codependent to their energies). People grow and change and if trust and respect are not in the cards,there will always be problems. Now, that being said I am not encouraging you to quit or leave but I guess I am challenging you to take a hard look at your life. Are you really happy or are you just afraid of change and the unknown? When I finally asked myself those questions the answers were there. A life lived out of fear of the unknown is no life at all. Take a chance, take a risk and start on a journey to loving yourself. If you don’t hear anything else-hear this : You are worth it and your life can be anything you want it to be. Be brave, you are loved.

    <3 Kori

    #74503
    Olivia Hopkins
    Participant

    Thank you. This went deep. Thank you, i really needed this. <3

    #74520
    Purpose
    Participant

    Hi olivia Hopkins
    First of all i wud like to congratulate you on your success of building yourself into a person n being proud of yourself., friend im also proud of You. I think your girl frnd has her own reasons to not forgive you and keep thinking and blaming you about the things that were in past, see its an individual preference and wisdom to let go or hold on to things and in this case she is preferring to hold on.
    But one thing with all my heart i want to say is that Love is about forgiving and love is about forgetting too, if we truly live somebody and see his/her efforts to be better ,this change should be appreciated and welcomed with open arms and reward of changing must be forgiveness and forgetfulness.
    If i would have been at your place i would have kept loving her and at the same time would have gone after my dreams.. Coz thats my real calling
    Olive if someone has to be with you he or she will make it with you . Why dont you give her a chance to miss you or think about forgetting all what happened and get over it and then cone with you. Dear go out for your dreams.,thats your purpose in life , in case you are still doubtful i would suggest be calm n think wudnt you have let her follow her dream if she had got a chance to do so ,rather than thinkng to drop the idea n staying with you.
    You have done your part in this relationship you have been through everything and im sure you have grown as a wise person so move to this opportunity this will definitely open new doors in life for you. Im very hopefull if u will follow your dream,your calling you will get many things which you never imagined ever..
    Go friend. Live for yourself once
    I would love to knw abt your decision
    Pls post it !

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Purpose.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Purpose.
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