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Too Criticizing of Myself

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This topic contains 866 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of anita anita 6 days, 7 hours ago.

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  • #93384
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
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    I think I got at least an 86 on my algebra 2 honors final. While I arrived at 9 am, I was sitting with a friend in the cafeteria (that’s where the desk attendant told us to wait till 9:20) and I was helping her study for geometry finals. I was surprised I could still remember and understand geometry from 10th grade (I’m in 11th grade) and I was able to help her. I think reiki helps a lot because it was like my subconscious mind was helping me focus on the memories and making me finally understand geometry when at first learning it in 10th grade it was hard for me, but I still got an 82 in geometry honors. Since there were some other juniors and seniors coming in late for final exemptions, the desk attendant didn’t bat an eye when my friend Izzy and I signed in. I was exempt from my gym final, so instead of 7:10 regular school time and waking up at 5:45, I woke up at 8:25 and arrived at school at 9 am and the final began at 9:20. I almost ran out of time on the calculator portion of the final because I took 50 minutes on the non-calculator portion, there was one problem where I had to graph a polynomial function with degree of four and four zeroes and describe increasing and decreasing which took a while and I did bad on. On the non-calculator portion, I spent some time on a synthetic division problem because the answers i got weren’t what the multiple choice questions were, so I ended up picking the closest one. With three minutes to go, I quickly solved two more problems, one on finding the polynomial function using finite differences and another problem on graphing a vertical and horizontal transformation of f(x)=sqrt(x). I think I did bad on the graphing part, but i tried to pick the points as best as possible since I was running out of time. The greatest thing is I feel like my subconscious mind is working with my conscious mind to retain more information so I remembered most of the algebraic and geometric formulas I needed to use. I wish my parents would stop being so critical and telling me I have my head in the clouds. I try to live in the moment and if something is my fault, i accept the blame without complaining. I try to look on the positive side of things and expect things to turn wrong, so I’m prepared for them with a positive attitude. Also after doing some slight meditation, I realize that it has helped me realize that my thoughts sometimes do go far ahead of myself and I tend to over-criticize myself and let others define who I am. I have decide to listen to my heart more and go for my goals. My parents are very criticizing and they told me once that I wouldn’t make the gymnastics team because I couldn’t do a handstand, I ignored them and tried out and I made the team. Now I am on the high balance beam doing tuck jumps and having friends. I was only on the team in 10th grade because now I’m busy with my ap and honors classes. My parents think that I don’t apply myself hard in school even though I’ve gotten good grades, they think my interest in spiritual fulfillment is a distraction to my school work, but I feel it gives me comfort and also helps calm and center me in school. If you have any ideas on how to remain calm when parents criticize you or when they yell that you’re not good enough or complain about their life and how stressed they are and how you don’t know how to survive in life, please give me some advice. I would love to hear your ideas and in the meantime, I am working on building a reiki positive shield so I can filter out negativity.

    #93392
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shirley:

    Good thing your subconscious came to the rescue and made today a better day for you! And good for you proving your parents wrong about the handstand and the gym team!

    You asked for ideas on how to remain calm when parents criticize, yell you are not good enough, complain about their life and how stressed they are, etc… I would love to give you advice on this regard: do what you need to move out and away from them as soon as you can. For this purpose, adhere to your schooling and aim at a good paying career so you can live independently and one day, if and when you have a child, you will not criticize her, never yell at her, keep your complaints and distress to yourself and provide the calm home that a child needs.

    Stay with your spiritual practice that gives you the comfort that they do not give you. Choose the company of people who are calm and do not dump their distress on you. Pick and choose for yourself.

    Post again…. Relax tomorrow and good, great job today!

    anita

    #93425
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    Thanks a lot! I think in the summer, I will be going away to basic training for national guard which will provide tuition for college. I hope I pass the military entrance processing and the ASVAB which I’m hoping to get at least a 56 on. You need a 32 to enlist, but for certain jobs you need a high grade. The highest grade is a 99 which means you scored better than 99% of other test takers, yet few people get 59 or higher. I hope to go into computers, radio communications, medical or military police. The SATs may be rescheduled to Feb. 20th, so I’m not sure if I’m still taking the test that is out of 2400 points or out of 1600, but I think it will be the 2400 points because the new test won’t go into effect until March 5th which is another test date. The new SAT doesn’t give much points for the essay since colleges don’t look at it much, but if you complete the essay (you get 50 minutes instead of the usual 25 minutes for the old SATs), you get your score separately. The new SAt has more math points added especially for probability and statistics, logical reasoning and algebra and geometry. I am nervous about the new SAts because I took the PSATs which were a reflection of what may be on the 1600 SAT and I got a 1060 on it. For the PSATs in sophomore year, I got a 1290 and they were reflective of the old SATs. I am nervous about the logical reasoning and probability and statistics questions. It snowed 2 ft in Brick, NJ today and the snow was moderately heavy to shovel, but I enjoyed it. The weather channel is debating to call the storm “Monster Storm or “Storm Jonas.” Nature is always so beautiful, I always like rain and snow, it’s always nice to hear the rain on the window pane and also to look out into a snow storm and see a winter wonderland. Also, I’ve always liked the snow more than the wind. Every time it snows, I feel like I have more energy because the cold is easy for me to workout in and the beauty of nature is breathtaking. Also when there is a thunderstorm, I often find myself feeling connected to the static energy of the lightning and experiencing mental clarity and psychic awareness. I also count the seconds of lightning and thunder and calculate how far away the storm is. I love to see patterns in nature and often am excited when I hear news of a meteor shower, lunar eclipse or other astronomical event. I am currently reading Girl, interrupted by Susanna Kaysen to prepare for senior year psychology class. I feel bad for those patients at Mclean mental hospital in the 1960s because they experienced harsh treatment like seclusion, shock therapy and also ice bag therapy. The book is a memoir of Susanna Kaysen’s. I felt sad when Jim Watson offers Susanna to run away to England with him and start a new life, but she is hesitant because she doesn’t know what the real world is like. Everyone at Mclean hospital has some mental disorder of varying degrees. One character Lisa seems almost normal as she is always trying to escape the hospital for a sense of freedom, yet she is always admitted back because she has no money and not sure how she can survive. Lisa barely eats and sleeps and is calmer at night and I feel sorry for her. The only form of entertainment for the patients at Mclean hospital is the tv which only features bland things like depressives and things. I think Lisa knows more about the world than the other patients and she has a sense she wants to be part of it, but isn’t sure how. In the novel, Lisa says “Lisa never watched tv and had scorn for those who did. She believed it made people like more like robots than they already were.” (Kaysen 21). Lisa seems to understand the condition of the patients in Mclean hospital and how they just drift through life and aren’t sure how to live in the real world. Also Lisa says “It’s a mean world out there. There’s no one to take care of you.” (Kaysen 22). Lisa seems to understand the world more than the other patients in the hospital and how people have to fend for themselves and those who can’t are locked away. Girl, Interrupted is a very moving book exposing the sufferings of people who don’t know what the real world seems like. There is one character, Polly who tried to burn herself and Susanna thinks she is courageous since she never complains, smiles and doesn’t talk, but Polly is like a comforting presence for others. Susanna believes that Polly built herself a new skin of scar tissue that never wears out to cover and protect what is underneath; she burned the sadness out of her. Yet, Polly makes me sad because she like the others is also covering herself, hiding in a world of darkness not really in reality. My teacher (ap world history teacher will be psychology teacher next year) is always asking us to analyze and see point of view. What do you think of my take of the book so far? Also let me know what you think of the book so far, if my words have given you insight into it. Thanks for everything!

    #93437
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    I also am reading the AP Psychology book, my ap world history teacher lent me. Psychology is awesome! Psychology is the biopsychosocial process of how a person thinks and behaves which can be influenced by environmental, genetic and social factors. The number of mu receptors determines a person’s tolerance to pain, yet people can minimize pain if they focus on something else such as when a doctor tells a patient to look away when they are given a shot, by focusing on something else, the pain receptors in the brain aren’t as active since the mind is focused somewhere else and the person only feels a slight sensation. Also there is the power of suggestion such as when people have complete faith in what their doctors say and do something that they never would have done unless under hypnosis such as in a case study where some patients who were sick were given a pill that was really a gummy bear disguised to look like a pill, yet they were told that this pill would make them better, the patients took the pretend pill and were better. It is amazing what the mind can do and how it can affect health. Since the brain has nerves connecting to our body and these nerves communicate messages that help send electrical signals to help our body function, our mental thoughts can affect our bodies negatively or positively depending on what we think about. There is also the theory of multiple intelligence where Howard Gardner thought mind could be divided into eight different specific functions each person having a different degree of the eight different intelligences. The eight different intelligences are:

    1. Musical Rhythmic and Harmonical- talent in music, sounds, singing (I like music and can imitate them, but I’m not an instrument person)
    2. Visual-Spatial: imaginative, visualize things clearly in their minds (applies to me)
    3. Verbal-linguistic: good at reading, writing, memorizing words and dates (applies to me)
    4. Logical- mathematical: reasoning, numbers, critical thinking, problem-solving (algebra is okay, but I have a more creative mindset and enjoy science to math)
    5. Bodily-kinesthetic: agility, coordination, athleticism, people who have high bodily-kinesthetic are good at sports (amateur soccer and lacrosse, bowling and badminton are great) , dancing (not in front of people), acting (I don’t like the stage, but i can perform)
    6. Interpersonal: empathy, compassion, understanding for other’s moods, cooperation, teamwork, leader or follower, enjoy discussion and debate (applies to me)
    7. Intrapersonal: relating to the self, self-reflective, able to see one’s faults and talents, understand oneself (applies to me, although sometimes I have trouble finding out who I really am and wondering what my talents are)
    8. Naturalistic: survival in nature, interest and connection in nature, retaining information from nature and surroundings, human interaction with environment such as hunter-gatherers (applies to me, I love nature and enjoy camping. I have stuff to learn about wilderness survival though, but I think I know enough)

    Also in psychology, it also says that there are three types of parents: demanding, authoritative and passive. Demanding parents are good because they teach their kids self-discipline and morals, yet they can be be judgmental, criticizing and hard to open up to and are also the ones who enforce rules such as grounding or placed on restriction. Authoritative parents are the best way to be because they discipline their children, yet also allow them to grow and develop independently, they are open-minded, praise their children for good things, but also reprimand them in a way that creates a healthy relationship between the child and the parent and isn’t too demanding and negative on the child. Authoritative parents maintain a healthy authority, but also let kids have a freedom. Passive parents let their kids have mostly free reign on their own lives and don’t punish as much. Also there have been some studies that children with demanding parents are more likely to develop eating disorders like anorexia because they feel like they need something they can control and the stress from their parents often leads to feel like they need some sense of worth. Also there is also a theory that men who get along with their mothers will treat their wives well since they have a feminine influence. It’s amazing how much insight psychology can bring in understanding people. Sometimes children will try to please their friends by doing reckless things since they can’t please their parents no matter how hard they try. Such as in the realistic fiction story, The Girl is Murder by Kathryn Miller Haines where Tom Barney’s parents didn’t think there was a future for their son because, Tom’s older brother Michael had been arrested and Tom could turn out like them. At first Tom was a very studious student, yet when he couldn’t please his parents because their opinions of him were already jaded by his brother, he began to think of the uselessness of trying so hard and began to take a downhill turn. He makes a bad turn when he tries to please a self-absorbed girl, Grace by joining the military because he thought it would please her to know he was a brave person. Is it really worth it to let other people’s negative opinions influence your path?

    I think I have learned a lot and acquired much insight into people’s behavior and the way they act just from reading Meyers AP Psychology. Do you think children can change themselves for the better if they don’t like some of the values their parents have? I believe that they can, yet there are so many people who say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and no matter how hard you try, you will still be like your parents. I know that I value hard work and education same as my parents, I also value self-discipline like them. Yet different from them, I am more of a realist and also more spiritual and hopeful than they are. I believe that there are many possibilities out there and that if you believe and work hard you can go far and attain happiness in life. I believe that there should be temperance in self-discipline and that an open mind and compassion are great instead of being judgmental and not accepting some things. I am the person who if I have a goal, I will try my best to work for it and although sometimes I do compare myself to others, i try not to let it bring me down, but to let others’ successes to motivate me in creating my own. Although sometimes I may have doubts, I try not to let what others say bring me down and if something bad happens, I try to accept it and say whatever, stuff like this happens, i’ll just let it go. I don’t want to be like my parents in the way they hold on to negative thoughts and let negative occurrences bring them down, I want to find spiritual fulfillment in life by understanding myself instead of seeking it through material pressures like money and to live each moment of my life being grateful just to be alive. The people I admire the most aren’t the wealthy and smart ones, there the ones who are healthy and fit like Jillian Michaels and also the ones who are spiritually fulfilled like Buddha. Currently I am working on how to build my immune system, improve my circulation (keeping my hands and feet from getting too cold in winter and too hot in the summer) and healing my eyesight. Feel

    #93441
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    feeling more self-fulfilled and at peace with myself. Feel free to comment on anything that I’ve said so far

    #93444
    Profile photo of yogagirl
    yogagirl
    Participant

    I hope that you can learn to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself, you are beautiful.

    I wish you all the best.
    B

    #93453
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shirley:

    You have a very active brain, my goodness. I am a bit overwhelmed this evening, personal affairs, so it would be difficult for me to read all that you wrote. Maybe tomorrow…Take care of yourself, Shirley… and if you want a faster response, a shorter post will get it for now.

    anita

    #93496
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shirley:

    Regarding Girl Interrupted, the book. My comments will be in parenthesis inside the quote of what you wrote: “Everyone at Mclean hospital (world!) has some mental disorder of varying degrees. One character Lisa seems almost normal as she is always trying to escape the hospital for a sense of freedom, (escape the prison cell of our childhood) yet she is always admitted back (it is not easy or possible to escape that prison cell) because she has no money and not sure how she can survive. Lisa barely eats and sleeps and is calmer at night and I feel sorry for her. The only form of entertainment for the patients at Mclean hospital is the tv which only features bland things like depressives and things. I think Lisa knows more about the world than the other patients and she has a sense she wants to be part of it, but isn’t sure how. In the novel, Lisa says “Lisa never watched tv and had scorn for those who did. She believed it made people like more like robots than they already were.” (I agree, this is why I do not watch TV or even have a TV service… same is with books or news, everything is filled with so much non-realness to me, marketing manipulations etc). Lisa seems to understand the condition of the patients in Mclean hospital and how they just drift through life and aren’t sure how to live in the real world (There is no real world outside Mclean hospital, the real world is a mental institution, really). Also Lisa says “It’s a mean world out there. There’s no one to take care of you.” (The childhood fantasy is a fantasy and we can never make it real, I mean when you don’t feel safe as a child you are always afraid..). Lisa seems to understand the world more than the other patients in the hospital and how people have to fend for themselves and those who can’t are locked away. Girl, Interrupted is a very moving book exposing the sufferings of people who don’t know what the real world seems like (I do believe healing is about seeing what reality is. Whenever we do not, we remain in sickness). There is one character, Polly who tried to burn herself and Susanna thinks she is courageous since she never complains, smiles and doesn’t talk, but Polly is like a comforting presence for others. Susanna believes that Polly built herself a new skin of scar tissue that never wears out to cover and protect what is underneath (this protection is indeed skin deep and is very, very limited); she burned the sadness out of her (can’t do that; can only push the sadness down, repress it, but it will keep hurting until she hears the message in her sadness). Yet, Polly makes me sad because she like the others is also covering herself, hiding in a world of darkness not really in reality. (Most people are in the world of darkness, seeing only what is not too painful to see).

    anita

    #93626
    Profile photo of cheerio
    cheerio
    Participant

    Dear Shirley,

    Maybe starting a project/activity would help? Pick one thing that is meaningful to you and do a bit to accomplish/master it each day.It could be dance, learning a musical instrument, or even making origami/arts and crafts each day! You could even document your progress with a video diary. I’ve been going through similar emotions and thoughts as you, and what I find is that I need to “get out of my head” sometimes. Engaging yourself in some type of activity may give you that boost of self confidence to say “hey, I can do this! And if I can do this, I have what it takes to achieve something else”

    #93676
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    Thanks bevan for the support;) I agree with you cheerio, sometimes my thoughts get too far ahead or at other times they feel hazy and like you said “i need to get out of head.” Whenever my thoughts get out of order, I tend to workout, read a book or listen to music. I hope things are going okay with you guys. anita, i agree with you interpretation that sometimes people feel detached from themselves or reality and often realize that childhood fantasies don’t always come true. In Girl, interrupted; the narrator, Susanna Kaysen is like that, sometimes she feels her childhood slipping away from her and she feels detached unsure of how to face the reality of the world which seemed so new to her when she was a child. I think Susanna needs to learn how to accept reality and learn not to deny it and to confront the parts of her that she doesn’t like instead of denying them. On page 37, Susanna mentions that she wishes she could kill the negative parts of herself, the parts that keep distorting reality, the part that makes her feel detached and sad and makes her wonder whether is she really alive or not. Yet, I feel like she needs to accept that part of her and let it go instead of fighting against it. I agree that sometimes television and books over-exaggerate reality, although i don’t watch television either except for workout videos, I enjoy reading books because I feel they at least give some sense to reality as they were written by real, life people and thoughts. I agree that the mental hospital (Mclean Hospital) seems like an obstacle and also a protector of those patients within it from reality. One of the characters, Torrey has ambitions to escape the hospital, but is afraid to see the real world and never makes it to freedom even though Lisa and the other patients see the potential in her.

    I think everyone wants freedom and a self-fulfilling life, but it is important for them to first accept their faults and let them go and not to deny them. I think everyone in life has doubts and sometimes the world can be a stressful place, yet people need to keep hope and face reality one step at a time. Everyone has those times when they feel lost and insecure, yet the important thing is to realize that it is okay. Typically when I feel lost and sad, I tend to workout or make a list of my talents and I remind myself of how much I have accomplished. I have also learned to accept and let go of parts of my past and also to be healthy and tone my body. I am thinking of using reiki to heal, let go and bring closure to the parts of the past that still continue to give me negativity. I learned the hard way in seventh grade to not deny reality and sadness and not to keep the sadness inside. I thought it would be okay if i pretended I was fine and kept everything inside, yet the sadness piled up in eighth grade and I realized I had to let it out. That was when I started writing poetry and also setting a goal to get good grades to keep my mind active and to comfort myself because I had few friends those two years. Also I realized that everything has a balance and to expect the unexpected, that sometimes sad things can happen and to expect them, accept them and let them go. We should live each moment of this life accepting ourselves and never losing hope in our dreams no matter our age.

    #93679
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    Also, it can be hard for kids to learn to grow up and accept responsibility because they realize they have to care for themselves out in the world and sometimes it feels like time is slipping by fast and the childhood dreams of being protected are slipping away and you see the reality of trying to make a path on your own. In this way, Mclean Hospital could also represent a barrier between the real world’s responsibilities that the patients aren’t yet ready to face. There was no school today or tuesday due to 3ft of snow which will give me time to finish Girl, Interrupted and analyze it fully for my ap world history teacher which I will also have for psychology next year. I think I’m going to love psychology next year because one of the books that is read is Girl Interrupted and i already have a head start, also I love learning about the mind and how people think. I feel sad for the characters in this book and I almost feel like this book sheds light on lots of issues of adolescence into adulthood and the meaning of life. In the book, Susanna also is curious about Jim Watson because she feels like he has discovered the secret of life and she wants to know what it is, she wants something to let her know that life isn’t just passing her by and that there is a place and meaning for her in this world. In the book, Susanna talks about how she sometimes envies those people who are self-assured and have a future because she is uncertain where her future is. This book has given me insight on how sometimes I feel in life, drifting wondering if I can achieve the goals I want to in life.

    #93690
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shirley:

    Your brain is amazing, take good care of it… so many thoughts about so much. I wonder how you will put this brain of yours into good use career wise. You may have shared your plans career wise, I forgot at the moment. Here is only one of so many things you wrote that I totally agree with you: “people need to keep hope and face reality one step at a time.” Exactly, face reality and do it one step at a time. Because the world is not that different than one big mental institution, after all….

    anita

    #93975
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    I have many career options in mind such as gene therapy, cancer research scientist, microbiology and pathology, reiki healer or military police. I am currently trying to pull my grades up after my terrible midterm scores for ap world history and ap english which brought my grade in ap english to an 80 and my grade in ap world history to at least an 86. anyway, my algebra 2 honors final probably brought my grade to a 93. I enjoy my math classes a lot this year especially since I have great teachers, who even though they go fast, they have great sense of humor and also explain things well. I hope I do well in physics honors this semester because the physics teacher goes quite fast and it is similar to pre-calc which I hope I don’t confuse formulas.

    #93993
    Profile photo of Shirley
    Shirley
    Participant

    In Girl interrupted, Susanna talks about being diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder which includes “experiencing instability of self-image as feelings of emptiness and boredom” (Kaysen 154). Susanna often tried to explain her condition to herself because she didn’t understand it; she states “I was in pain and nobody knew it, even I didn’t know it” (Kaysen 153). Susanna often felt she was numb and would be bored, not sure if she was real in this society and she would feel alone and not sure if she could feel anything or not, so she would remind herself that she was in pain and also do wrist-banging to feel something instead of numbness and give her sense of reality that she is here on this earth and not just drifting through life numb. Susanna also mentions “My chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom came from the fact that I was living a life based on my incapacities, which were numerous. I could not and did not want to … attend to any other subject in school other than english and biology. I saw myself as unfit for educational and social systems” (kaysen 154-155). I feel like Susanna didn’t think she had a future and was just living on less than mediocre base by her faults and this made her feel sad and empty, but she didn’t really have a high self-esteem to live by either because she didn’t know how. Susanna was a pariah in the 1960s when she didn’t go to college and was different from everyone else. She would write poems instead of essays which is why I think the chapters in this book are seemingly short since she liked to keep things simplistic. Susanna didn’t think she had skills necessary for life, so she had a pessimistic outlook; she often wondered if she could make a life out of boyfriends and literature. Susanna also had periods of self-loathing because she saw others going toward their future and she would criticize herself for her lack of interest and detachment from wanting to go anywhere in life, yet I feel as if Susanna truly didn’t know where to go in life and was confused. in one scene in the book, when Susanna visits the dentist, she is so worried about losing time; i feel as if there may possibly be the idea that Susanna feels like she is going out into the real world and that her childhood is slipping away and she is not quite ready to accept the world’s responsibilities because she doesn’t feel as if she has the skills in life. It’s as if to keep things simplistic and also find some meaning in this world since she feels time is slipping away from her. Yet, Susanna realizes she doesn’t want to ever cross the line again where she feels numb and she is in a mental hospital; she wants at least some control over her thoughts. Susanna mentions “The idea of suicide worked on me like a purgative or cathartic” (Kaysen 158). She would think of suicide and feel sad over her premature death, then she would feel better. Even though she seems afraid of facing the reality of the world, Susanna seems to think that suicide is like a giving up and she needs to at least try to understand the world and her thoughts and suicide wouldn’t help her because she would just be ending her life and not giving herself any time to think about herself and possibly understand her life. Susanna meets Lisa at the end of the story and Lisa says “I want us to be a real family, with furniture and all that. I want him (Lisa’s kid, Aaron who Lisa broke up with her significant other) to have a real life. And temple helps” (Kaysen 163). Lisa wants to have a future and create for her kid a life for him and for herself to make up for the time she lost in the mental hospital; she wants to be happy and live her life. She goes to temple for a place of comfort and worship to keep herself in hopes of her future. She even has a life as suburban matron in Brookline. Susanna goes to the Vermeer in the Frick (NY) with her boyfriend and she notices a photo titled “Girl Interrupted at her Music” from which she got the inspiration for the title of the book. Susanna says ” She had changed a lot in sixteen years. She was no longer urgent. In fact, she was sad. She was young and distracted, and her teacher was bearing down on her, trying to get her to pay attention. But she was looking out, looking for someone who would see her” (Kaysen 167).
    Susanna had looked at the painting before and had been disconcerted by the girl which she thought was warning her to not do something and telling her not to go, her interpretation has changed. She now sees the girl almost like herself when she was seventeen and she wasn’t really applying herself in school and the teachers were yelling at her and she was sad because she wasn’t sure where to go in life.
    It also states “Interrupted at her music: as my life had been, interrupted in the music of being seventeen,as her life had been, snatched and fixed on canvas: one moment made to stand still and to stand for all the other moments, whatever they would be or might have been. What life can recover from that?” (Kaysen 167).
    Susanna feels her life at seventeen when she was young and just trying to enjoy life, not wanting to face the world’s responsibilities was snatched away from her when she was sent to a mental hospital at eighteen. She realizes that all the moments she could have had, that one with the mental hospital and the teachers yelling at her while she was in school was most prominent and how it’s not fair that that one moment could take up so much time and significance in her life and waste all the other moments.
    Susanna starts crying when viewing the picture and says to her boyfriend “Don’t you see, she’s trying to get out” (Kaysen 167).
    She seems to be thinking that the girl is trapped forever in the canvas and that memory in her life and she can’t get get to enjoy life fully almost like Susanna, herself who is still trapped in her own thoughts of sadness and negative outlook on life since she doesn’t know where to go.

    Her boyfriend’s reply seems harsh because he doesn’t understand her interpretation of the art and doesn’t seem to even consider it as he just says “All you ever think about is yourself. You don’t understand anything about art” (Kaysen 167) and he just walks away. I almost think this is even more self-deprecating on Susanna because now someone is telling her that she is a shallow person and doesn’t really understand art which goes back to add on to the thoughts that Susanna has of herself that she feels like she doesn’t have a future in life and doesn’t really understand the world. The boyfriend’s comment makes me feel sad for Susanna because it just adds to her thoughts of inadequacy and the thought she can’t do anything right.

    Upon viewing the two pictures of happiness (lady and her maid; soldier and his sweetheart) Susanna also says “Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful, we wish our clothes could glisten and ripple against our skins, most of all we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened by simply looking at them” (Kaysen 168).

    She mentions that in the two paintings it almost feels like the lady and the soldier are in their own world of happiness, they have everything the want and the rest of the world is looking at them through a hole wishing they could be like them.

    Susanna says “The girl at her music sits in another sort of light, the fitful overcast light of life, by which we see ourselves and others only imperfectly, and seldom” (Kaysen 168).

    She seems to be saying that the girl at her music is like all the others in life who haven’t found their purpose, who judge themselves and others and also pay attention to themselves more than others. Susanna seems to wish for a world where people don’t struggle in life, know their purpose and care for each other and themselves, yet she doesn’t seem to believe such a world exists.

    Girl interrupted seems like a metaphor for our world today and how everyone longs to find their purpose, how teenagers still hold on to their childhood dreams and still are finding out how to live in this world, struggles of life facing obstacles from people judging you and being overly criticizing of yourself and just trying to keep on to the hopes and dreams while braving the world and finding a place in it. And also the concept of how time seems to be slipping away and how some people try to deny reality or hold on to their memories to have something to hang on to. I feel like everyone has questioned the meaning of life and felt overwhelmed at times and wished that they could have something to keep their hopes and know that they have a future, that their life isn;t just slipping away.

    I think Lisa tries to live her life and start again and make up for the time lost and I admire her. She doesn’t let what happened to her in the past affect her and is willing to try to make a place in this world. I feel that it takes courage, perseverance, hope, belief, gratitude and acceptance and taking life one step at a time and building from there to create the life one wishes to live.

    #93994
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    Shirley
    Participant

    Thanks, anita;) I am a multi-tasker and can focus on a lot of things at once, yet when my mind gets set on one goal or one subject then everything else fades away. This can be bad when i am focused on something else like say ap english assignment, but I really need to be thinking about ap world history now, so my thoughts end up being a distraction in that case. Yet, it can also be good since I don’t procrastinate and I can use the intense focus that I have to keep myself occupied on that topic and get it done quicker and more efficiently.

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