i agree, but the desert heat is intense. andrew used to live in texas and he used to have a pet scorpion,i think they are pretty cool. the funny coincidence is that andrew’s zodiac sign is a scorpio. i like the idea of being near a forest where there are animals and trees and i can hear the soft trickle of stream water. last day of school was june 18, but i only had to come in june 13 (full day) and june 15 (half-day, get out at 11:25 for physics honors final). i was exempt from all my finals except physics honors, juniors can exempt all if they have ap classes and since i took the ap test in may, i didn’t have to take the ap english or ap world history final and i was exempt from pre-calc final (94 and above for exemption, i had a 99). i feel like the physics honors final was hard this year b/c i received a 75, but my overall grade was an 88. dave and andrew still keep in contact and dave told this funny story about this guy who tried to walk on water after reading the bible story about jesus walking on water and he drowned (i feel bad for the guy, but i still think he was a bit too idealistic). andrew has gotten me to really appreciate science and i find that i enjoy learning how gears and electronics work as well. dave is more into the biological sciences and is quite easy to talk to, while andrew is very technical minded and likes to compete, yet i have learned lots from them. b/c i was so busy worrying about the ap tests and college things throughout february-may, i felt bad b/c i didn’t really pay much attention to my special friend. he was still around looking out for me and there were times when he told me i needed to be more laid-back, but i rarely talked with him. his friends would often question me about him and he would often feel sad at times and when he saw me, he would always smile and ask if i was okay, i would just nod and then think about a school work or application i had to complete. towards the end of may and into june, i was more relaxed and anticipating the summer months, though i still had summer work. anyway, toward the last few weeks of school, my special friend met up with me and he told me that he missed those months when i was busy and he told me that he still cared about me and if i needed him, he would always be there. i cried and i hugged him and told him that i felt bad that i was so busy those past months, but he said it was okay, he said no matter what happens i’ll always stand by you and it will all be right in the end. he also told me that during those few months, he missed the me that was laid-back, but he still cared about me even then, it was just the fact that i was always tense that he was worried about me. anyway his friends were also happy that we were starting to hang out more again. i went out for a run with him today and we talked about our dreams, laughing as the sun caressed both our faces. while we were sitting under a shady tree, he said “i love you most when you are laid-back, but i admire your hard work as well. you are always good enough.”

there is a thunderstorm this morning at 6:55 then stopped at 7:30, now it has begun again at 3:45.

thanks a lot anita for your insight;) with dave and andrew, we still meet up at the library a couple of times and i often message them online for advice. andrew is often experimenting with a science project so he often doesn’t reply to my messages unless its something important, while dave responds to most of them. my special friend is no longer jealous of andrew and dave b/c he understands that they help me be myself and also help me with my academic things. he’s also content to keep it at a spiritual relationship b/c he got a girlfriend toward the last few weeks of school. i used to be jealous when he hung out with other girls, but now i don’t mind b/c as long as he is happy, i am glad. his girlfriend and i are good friends and we all get along. she helps him be more of himself and see his talents and also helps him with school. he is learning more about trust and unconditional love when it comes to relationships. i don’t miss school that much and am happy to take a break from my classes. the ap biology work is quite fun and andrew also is taking it next year. i think it gives me comfort that dave and andrew will still be my friends even when we leave for college. dave set up a college blog online where he gives advice to people who are stressed about school work and andrew has a lot of cool science links to explore. i feel as if i carry the spirits of my friends and also the school within me and it shall endure where ever i go. there is one of my favorite quotes from Beneath a Marble Sky by John Shors which is about the building of the Taj Mahal and how the emperor built it in honor of his wife and the quote is “Many people fear death, but I do not. For I have tasted this oneness called Love. Death cannot temper with it. I’ll take my Love with me and it shall endure.” i feel like i have dave, andrew, steve (my lunch buddy) and my special friend for the reason to teach me how to embrace my talents and to feel the oneness of spiritual love that endures. spiritual love is one of the best gifts i have been given in this life, i even wrote an essay on it and also an essay on greed. so many people think love has to be physical and they sometimes tease my special friend when i’m around him and it makes him feel insecure, yet i know that the spiritual love we share will help each other grow and i will take the love that all my friends showed me, that made me a better person and spread it to the world.

steve (lunch buddy) is busy studying for ap calculus and i think i am also taking it next year. i think school starts the first day after labor day which is tues. september 6 or somewhere around that time, but it’s most often on a tuesday or wednesday after labor day. for the summer, i have already pretty much finished my ap biology summer work, but since i like science so much, i think i may read ahead and do more research. also i have started a new meditation program where i meditate and it helps me with my mental clarity and healing. i am taking an online class called Empowering Your Life that teaches you how to find your life’s purpose and also find the guides and the courage that will help to pursue it. here is a meditation i did to speak with my spirit guides

I surrounded myself with light for protection and focused on the space above my earlobes. Asking “May I meet my highest and most loving spirit guides? Come and communicate with me now.” I felt warmth through my veins from my fingers to my toes. I saw a rainbow of light lifting me as the background noise of my surroundings faded. Feeling wings wrap all around me, I saw emerald’s green light entering through all my chakras. I saw white light and saw door opening, heard a voice, violin music and trickling water. The voice within my mind intoned “Indeed I am here. You are now being healed and initiated with the power of divine healing. You are loved and empowered now to spread this healing to others. You are healed from within; You are loved and you are whole.” Asking “May I ask your name?”, receiving the answer “I am Archangel Raphael, helping you to discover the healing from within. Reawakening your mind to your inner talents, reconnecting to love and divine health.” I felt the wings wrap around me, a deep clarity of mind as memories of divine knowledge, purpose, healing and love filled me. In my heart, I felt peace as I knew I would be guided through life, as i knew my purpose and talents. All that I, all that I ever was was being filled with divine light and healing. Intoning “I would like to thank you Archangel Raphael for your insight. is there any advice you would like to share?” I saw the wings unfurl and white light engulf me and heard “Go in peace. Go with love. Remember your inner talents and your divine knowledge. You are love and healed. Listen to your heart, let your spirit awaken, follow the path of love.” I opened my eyes filled with a new sense of purpose and vitality, knowing that I would learn to follow my heart and not those thoughts within my mind that hold me back.

i read this book called Ice by V.C. Andrews and it is about a girl who is quite taciturn, but has a great singing voice. her mom is selfish and shallow and only cares about her appearance, while her dad promotes her musical ability. Ice often gets teased in school for her name and also for her lack of speaking, but she ignores it. She becomes friends with Balwin who is a great piano player and together they help each other realize their musical dreams and be more confident. Balwin is also teased at school b/c of his weight and also his father pressures him to find a job that will make more money instead of being a musician. balwin feels insecure about himself and also around his father, his father wants him to go to Yale to be a financial advisor, but he wants to pursue a musical career at Jullian. together Ice hand Balwin help each other with their talents and they both end up winning a musical scholarship and Ice is accepted into a elite musical school. here is a poem that i was inspired to write from the book:

Song of Life

Let the melodies of the divine flow within the soul

Let them carry you upon their wings through all the clamor in this world

Walk to the harmony of the beats your heart sings

Play the music of your soul

Play away the sadness and doubt

Wrap yourself in your dreams of hope

Play the song of your true self loud and proud

Let them curse and laugh, ridicule all they want

They can not touch the voice of courage within nor do they know the true songs that you sing

Hear only the symphonies within and evoke the music for the world to hear

Beauty suppressed in the face of fear is like a rose that has withered before touching the rays of the sun

Let your inner self blossom like a flower

Let the music flow shedding light upon the darkness and shadows

Tear apart the cobwebs of doubt and negativity that try to ensnare you

Hold the doubts tight in your hand and go play the songs of life

Fear only makes you forget your talents making the music flow out of tune

You don’t have to be like them, forget what the bitter hearts say, don’t change yourself to be better for someone else, just be yourself and be happy

It is better to be happy being yourself living your dreams than to live in fear or an illusion of who or what you should be created by someone else

You are good enough, you have your own beautiful song of life, don’t let others control the strings of the music you play, control the tunes with your heart and inner voice

Start embracing the music of yourself now

Don’t be the person lost in the shadow of failed dreams

Appreciate the things you’ve done in life, go and dance to the music of every moment

Wrap yourself in the music, forget the things that aren’t true and dance upon the stage

Sing louder, longer and better

What does it matter what they think of you?

When you’re out there turn up the music and dance upon the stars, don’t let the sands of time sift away

Celebrate your soul’s rhythm and harmony

Play the music of your true self, walk the path of the songs in your heart

Don’t leave the beautiful melodies within to be left unspoken

Add your special song to the heavens

sometimes i feel as if i should just follow the model “don’t think, just act.” sometimes my thoughts of fear and negativity seem to swirl around me and i just push them down, i am no longer going to allow myself to be controlled by them. sometimes when i feel myself in fear, i take a second to realize all the talents i have and go for it and let go of those limiting thoughts. sometimes it is good to just focus on the wings of angels lifting me helping me be confident, feeling the wind blow my hair back and experiencing the freedom of my soul and suppressing the fear. i tell myself that fear only holds me back and the bitter hearts of the world would only want that when i could be free to experience the power of what it truly feels to be alive. even though i am fiercely independent and self-sufficient, i think when i am older i will raise a family and i will teach my daughter or son how to be confident, to raise their heads high and to enjoy the beauty of life. i have begun to do yoga and take a dance class and it is fun and the instructor helps me truly realize the power and strength of women. i hope i can teach my daughter to appreciate herself as well. these days it is like a glass pane stands between me and this world and i have begun to focus more within, i have unearthed the dark parts of me that make me restless, but i have learned to bring them to the light and heal. all the strong emotions of hate, fear, love seem to be controlled as i journey within and experience self-discovery, all i feel is a sense of contentment and detachment from myself as i am learning more about the divine within me. i don’t care what path i take in life as long as i find spiritual fulfillment and i realize i have found some guidance in my dreams. i have been receiving dreams of science and math, the earth heart-shaped and filled with light. i think i know what my purpose in life is now.

thanks a lot anita;) at first i was filled with a few restless thoughts, now the meditation i’ve been doing has helped. through practice, i have managed to still my mind from thoughts and have also become more patient. i have been meditating by focusing on my third eye (place between my brow) and imagining myself creating a serene future. the third eye is good for psychic visions and it often helps me to dwelve into my mind and see the different aspects of my life that i have experienced. i also do a meditation where i surround myself in light and imagine the light infusing me with power and confidence. i allow the light to take me into the void where i let go of myself and connect with my spirit.

this is quite cool:

Cancer Can Be Cured In Less Than 3 Minutes!!?

this is quite interesting:

What Kind of Woman Are You According To the Month In Which You Are Born?

i was born in january and i think it describes my personality quite well.