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Toxic friends

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  • #55065
    EB
    Participant

    I have friends whom I love very much in some ways, but they also tend to radiate negativity at times. Jim Morrison has a quote about true friendship being when you are free and your friends let you feel…or not feel…however you want. This is what sparked my thinking about my friends’ negativity. They will try to convince me that my feelings are wrong simply because they do not share them. I am very confident in my beliefs but more annoyed than anything. I do not change my beliefs but I feel upset when they try to argue with me.

    How do you guys deal with not letting “the behavior of others destroy your inner peace?”

    #55073
    Lea
    Participant

    Hi EB,

    I know how you feel. I find a lot of people who aren’t on the same journey can be critical and unsupportive, but if we were to change friends everytime we encountered someone who didn’t agree 100% with out values and ideas we would be left with very few prospects. They should learn to respect your opinions and at the same time, the more you work on yourself and progress through your journey, the easier it will be for you to deflect their negativity.

    It’s about them, not you.

    #55129
    RG
    Participant

    Hello,

    Here is what I think: what you are seeing as being annoying to you in your friends is actually a direct reflection of what is going on inside of yourself. Is it that you are annoyed with them for not allowing you your space to think/express freely, or are you lacking something internally and in need of validation? In my experience the later usually causes internal discomfort, which manifests as annoyance.

    I would examine your past “primary” relationships…did you grow up with a regular message of dismissal to your intuition/thoughts/perceptions? If so, is it possible that you are repeating those core patterns? These are questions I would examine, and HAVE examined as I have struggled with the same scenarios in the past. Lack of receiving validation from the parental figure(s) often results in our seeking out friends in adulthood who mirror these issues within us…for the purpose of allowing us the opportunity to recognize them for what they are and to change ourselves. Basically, you will never be able to change them….only your own perception of the situations and how you choose to handle them, as well as yourself.

    I do feel that it is important to speak your own truth..which takes COURAGE. I am in the process of letting myself do that and have lost friends…including my “best” friend..but not over anything dramatic…I think it’s because they have become uncomfortable with me speaking my truth in general, and not just going along with whatever ideas suit them (as far as negativity / gossip goes). If you lose everyone around you by being true to yourself then you will be left with what matters most – your true authentic self. The key is to let them go in Love…not out of negativity or a place of self-pity..but to come into the awareness that they have their journey and you have yours…and it’s OKAY (and probably even good) if your roads begin to head in different directions (it doesn’t mean your paths won’t cross again at some point down the road)..just be sure to stick to YOUR road..it will lead you to beautiful places you can only dream of at the present moment.

    I hope that makes some sort of sense. I am really responding to you, but also to my own inner self that is going through this process with those that are/have been close to me – as I begin being true to myself and letting others be themselves…and all that such a venture entails. You are seeking out the answers…and they will come in time, as you are ready. Blessings.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by RG.
    #55136
    Lisa
    Participant

    Beautifully said!

    #55174
    Will
    Participant

    “How do you guys deal with not letting the behavior of others destroy your inner peace?”

    It’s a tough one for sure. One of the things I do that (sort of) helps is to resist the urge to argue. Don’t let people pick fights. “Is that what you think? Ok then.”

    When people tell you what you feel is wrong, maybe you could turn that into a conversation about why they’re being asshats, rather than about how a person ought to be feeling (which is a fruitless discussion anyway). Telling people they’re wrong isn’t a friendly thing to do. So if you’re with a friend, you can address that. Talk about the fact you’re fighting instead of having the fight. It can help cut to the chase.

    #55207
    EB
    Participant

    Thank you all for your thoughtful and helpful words! Great suggestions

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