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(UK) I'm panicking about the life ahead of me

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  • #127731
    Jack McTigue
    Participant

    Hi my name is Jack,
    I am 16 years old and I’m a year 12 student which is equivalent to the 11th Grade in the US. During my time in secondary school (year 11 downwards) I had no idea what I wanted to be and all I cared about was playing games, as a result of these games and simply not knowing what I wanted I struggled to achieve more than pass grades in my final examinations (GCSE’s). The grades I obtained in my GCSE’s where average which allowed me to progress to Sixth Form, however my options in Sixth Form where limited because I only achieved C grades in both English and Mathematics: When I first enrolled into Sixth Form I still didn’t know what I wanted so I was faced with a sheet of subjects that I can do as it stood my options where CTEC courses or A-Level courses Which say that they require a B in both English and Maths (which I didn’t have) but really anyone can enter the course as you will be accepted if you dont meet the grade criteria but you may find it harder if that makes sense. So as I didn’t really have an idea of what I wanted to do at the time, I chose 2 CTEC courses (ICT and Business Studies) because I didn’t think I was good enough for A-Levels.

    If I could rewind a few months back to the start of Sixth Form I would have chose to do a Computing A-Level and something else that mildly interests me. I say I would have chose a Computing A-Level because I realised after thinking of many career options that Software Engineering (Coding) would be almost the ‘ideal’ job for me as its possible to work from home, there is a skills gap in the UK regarding Software Engineering which therefore means high potential earnings especially in the city of London (where I live) and your essentially building something from nothing, slowly contributing bits of code one after the other to make something useful and complex which I enjoy. There are a few ways you can start a career in Software Engineering: Get a University Degree or do a apprenticeship, Apprenticeship is essentially getting paid whilst you learn (by the way you dont need to pay a student loan for and apprenticeship but you do for uni) but for me to get into an apprenticeship I need to be able to demonstrate that I have a passion for coding somehow. This is where I am starting to have serious worries about the life ahead. I dont know which option will be better for me getting a secure job within the field (assuming I even get the grades I need in the subjects im doing), Im scared because I dont know how to Code but I need to know otherwise I wont be able to survive in a Software Development University Degree or an apprenticeship if I dont even know the basics, I’ve have nobody to teach me how to do it and never have as In Year 9 (8th Grade US) I failed to pick Computer Science in my GCSE options which would have surely taught me the basics of coding (and as I said I failed to pick computer science when I started year 12 because I didn’t know what I wanted to do at the time and by the way its not an option to change my subject now: “its too late”). If what im currently learning in Sixth Form isn’t teaching me anything about the career I desire and want to be taught about I am left in a very bad situation. I try to teach myself about coding using the internet but teaching yourself is hard and requires a high attention span and determination which I really struggle with and my motivation levels and willpower almost instantly depletes whenever I try to teach myself, this is what scares me to death, I feel that If I dont teach myself in time (by the end of year 13 — the time where you go to uni or an apprenticeship) I will be faced with no options only options that I would hate to progress into and start a career that I hate doing and working that job for close to 50 years before I retire. Everyday I think at least once is it too late for me to go into the career I want and everytime I think about it I believe its more and more true. Despite the fact that Im doing the supposedly easier courses I am still finding it hard to achieve the top grades the grades that I need to get into an apprenticeship or a university to do Software Engineering and am yet to be able to properly revise for them as I simply cant get motivated. There is such a worry for me about even getting the grades in the ‘easier coursers’ im doing let alone being able to learn how to code and go into the career I want. I will be so dissapointed, upset and ashamed with myself if I am stuck in a career that I despise that pays low for 50 years, my parents seem naive to my my true feelings as I dont show it to them. Im only 16 an im faced with such indirect pressure and uncertainty there is so much I dont know about what I need and what is expected of me to progress and achieve the goals I want to achieve not to mention generic teenage problems like low self esteem on the side. It’s so fucked.

    I understand if you cant help me because you may not understand the English education system or how I’m not the best at getting my points across. Thank you for reading.

    #127737
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    Are there school based counselors, career counselors in your school that can help you?

    Maybe you can meet with a career counselor/ advisor in Uni while you are still in secondary school, to help you prepare your way ahead?

    What I can tell you- because it is easy to determine this- is that panicking will not help you. Got to adopt a CALM attitude, as calm as possible.

    You are thinking about your future, good. On the other hand, fifty years of future in one package of a boring, low paying lump is too much to think about.

    If you could go back in time, you would make a few different choices, I understand. On the other hand, wrong choices, in retrospect, is what everyone does, including successful people. Your life now is not as threatened as you think it is, because of those choices.

    All-or-Nothing is a category of distorted thinking and it goes something like this, in your case: I made wrong choices and now Nothing is my future. No, no, not so.

    anita

    #127741
    Jack McTigue
    Participant

    Hi anita thank you for acknowledging my problem,
    there was a councillor in our school years ago but nobody really knew what they wanted at the time so im guessing thats why she left. The small Sixth Form staff team are supposedly who we should go to to seek career advice which I have tried to do with them before but they seem to be busy and after finishing a conversation with them I feel like I have gained no further knowledge about the issue/question/subject. They seem to be distant and use phrases that will make the conversation end quicker, however I may have misjudged their advice: I am currently on half term so as soon as I return to Sixth Form I will try once more to seek advice. I think part of the problem is they dont really know much about what I am trying to be which I feel is why they are using filler conversations to get me out of the office so they can finish early. anita what you have said about my mindset feels true but I just cant seem to escape this way of thinking unless im playing games or going out with friends which to me seems like trying to run away from my problems instead of trying to deal with them.

    #127747
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    It won’t hurt to seek advice again, although what you shared about the quality of advice reads believable to me. You didn’t mention the possibility, if it is a possibility of advice at a university, if you could qualify for such before attending. Also, maybe another career advice resource may be available to you.

    Regarding what you wrote here: “I just cant seem to escape this way of thinking unless im playing games or going out with friends which to me seems like trying to run away from my problems instead of trying to deal with them.”-

    It is anxiety and distress you are dealing with. Until you find new ways to relieve your anxiety, do use, in moderation, the old ways (playing games and going out with friends). The anxiety needs to be relieved, that is not negotiable. Again, it is moderation (not all-or-nothing) to practice.

    Today and every day, find ways to calm yourself, this is most important. Anxiety is like a fog in your brain. You can not see clearly because that fog is in your way. This is why it is important to clear that fog with calm. Other ways to calm yourself: brisk walks in the cold London air outside (what about those beautiful parks?), other forms of exercise, calming music).

    anita

    #127763
    Peter
    Participant

    I’m panicking about the life ahead of me

    Living in the imagined future of what if and fear… I know it well.
    Some cognitive advice – try paying attention to when you cross the line from planning for your future to living in the future of what if ‘the sky is falling’.

    From my own experience, in hind sight, all my worries I had as a student were pointless.
    Even if you manage to do everything right and make all the right decisions it will not mean you end up were you expected to be. In fact I suspect you won’t, and will be glad of it.

    Make the best choices you can with the information you have – when you learn better, do better. What more can you ask of yourself or anyone?
    Remember most of the fear you will experience in life will be based false evidence appearing real.
    The purpose of fear is to get your attention, once it has your attention, take appropriate actions and let it go. don’t let it take you into the future and out of the present

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