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Valentine's text husband tells me its over

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of anita anita 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #127949
    Profile photo of Nichole
    Nichole
    Participant

    So its been about three weeks since my husband told me he wanted me to leave.. after a small argument that got out of control all because i wanted to spend more time with my husband. Well ive been this emotional wreck crying non stop missing him every moment i cant sleep and i just can not seem to get motivated. For the last three weeks i havent called or text him knowing if i did he would never answer and it would leave me completely heartbroken. . So ive left him alone no calls no text trying to give him his space. Well on valentine’s day i wasnt even trying to think of him , i got a text from him saying that its my fault because i was always upset or mad when he came home that i was always trying to find an argument about something. . Well the only think of is when he rather go to his uncles house other then spending time with me his wife. So he further said that he loves me more then anything and misses me like crazy and how he thinks of me every min . But he dont think we belong together. That he hopes i will find someone else. I froze when i got the message i didn’t know what to say i just cryed for 15 mins or so.. then i finally wrote back okay i understand and he said thank you. I then was ganna write a while long message and express how i was feeling then i just stopped and said okay i will file for the divorce and then he text back if you neee anything please let me know i was so upset i just said please dont text me again ill leave you alone. He then said okay..sorry. this happened on valentine’s day. Im completely confused because he blammed me for everything when thier was both faults and then told me he love me more then anything and misses me. Why ? How can this be why would you even write that why couldn’t you just say i dont want to be with u.? Im confused so confused and hurt because instead of trying when times got tuff he would always run away .. hes done this more then one time to me. Or he would shut down completely and nothing ever matter. I beleive this will be the last time i will ever hear from again. Im hurt because all i wanted was spend time with my husband.. n now im all alone. While hes loving life and happy and im so miserable. And after everything hes done and blamed on me i still love him i felt like hes my soul mate. How can someone lie to to you for so long telling you promising you that he loves you more then anything in life how your so important to him how he would never leave you. How i made him the happiest person when i married him. We only been married 8 months together for almost three year. I feel like i shouldnt give up but then i know i might have to. Is this normal for a guy to do this shut down and just leave. Should i start the divorce process. Im so confused what i have to do.

    #127959
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nichole89:

    Reads to me like he is done with the relationship and the marriage because he told you this last Valentine Day that you and him don’t belong together and that he hopes you will find someone else.

    Why did he tell you that “he loves me more then anything and misses me like crazy and how he thinks of me every min” right before he said the above?

    Maybe to soften the blow, to prevent you from getting angry at him, to disarm you right before the blow, (the blow is: we don’t belong together and hope you find someone else)

    Did he talk to you about divorce?

    anita

    #127971
    Profile photo of Nichole
    Nichole
    Participant

    I did tell him i will file for a divorce and send the paperwork to him .. he didnt even comment on that he just wrote if theres anything you need you can always ask me. I then went forth and told him i wont bother you anymore please dont text me anymore. N he said okay… sorry.. and i never text back. The thing is i cant believe this is happening… i asked him about divorce and he never comments on it ever . So i just stop trying to talk to him

    #127981
    Profile photo of jj2013
    jj2013
    Participant

    Hahahha can I please just slap him? What an …..

    Anyway, as harsh as this might sound, he is a manipulative b****. I know it’s hard, I was in your exact same shoes. Believe me, you are better off alone wihout him. Tell me, eouldnt it be worse if you guys had a baby and then he has this pre mid-life crisis? In my honest opinion, he sounds like a guy in his early to mid 20s.

    Again, you are better off wihout him, just make sure he pays for the divorce. Say you cant afford it.

    I lost about $5,000 in my short marriage, dont let that happen to yourself. Make sure u put yourself first, keep your head up girl.

    #128037
    Profile photo of Nichole
    Nichole
    Participant

    Im glad we didnt have any children together because im noticing that everytime when things get a little rough he shuts down and runs away. Hes done this twice before. He is in his early 20s which i always thought the young part was going to play a big part in our life. Im in my late 20s .. and i belived him i really did i trusted him. I haven’t even filed for the divorce yet im not ready to give up on my marriage and hoping maybe he wouldnt want to either.. but i know i will never hear from him again.

    #128043
    Profile photo of Peter
    Peter
    Participant

    Why did he tell you that “he loves me more then anything and misses me like crazy and how he thinks of me every min” right before he said the above?

    It is surprising how little the role of the ‘idea of Love’ plays in a discussion to end a relationships or not.
    Two people can authentically love each other and still have the relationship end.

    Without love a relationship is sure to fail but even where there is love a relationship is not assured, in fact love my require that it end.

    I know that doesn’t help. Its one of the paradoxes of love I struggle with most… and as the song goes… What’s love got to do with it…

    My conclusion, on one plain everything and on another level nothing, and both coexist at the same time, in the same moment, as everything is Love…

    #128089
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nichole89:

    Well, you don’t have to file for divorce- it is your choice. If filing costs money and you want to file, and you don’t want to spend it- don’t file. If he states, in the future, that he wants a divorce, let him pay for it and proceed, since it was his initiative to leave the relationship. He made that choice, let him pay whatever the financial consequences are.

    You wrote that you are not ready to give up on the (practically over, at this point) marriage. If he gave up on it, though, there is nothing you can do. Two people not giving up is required to get the marriage back to life, one is not enough.

    anita

    #128093
    Profile photo of Nichole
    Nichole
    Participant

    Im starting to see that ive been fighting the inevitable.. i just feel so horrible knowing he lied to me the whole time we were together he lied to me. He still does when he sent that message saying he loves me more then anything and misses me. Now i have to start my whole life all over looking for a job , to moving on my own to figuring how to make myself happy other then being happy with him. And right now im so lost i dont know where to start. I was happy with him and him leaving that was a big chunck of my happiness gone.

    #128099
    Profile photo of Peter
    Peter
    Participant

    At the end of a relationship it is likely you will question such concepts as happiness, love… if only to make sense of your experiences. You will be torn between acceptance and bitterness.

    I know as part of the process it will feel as if your whole experience with this man was a lie.
    But that is not likely true. It is possible to continue to love and miss someone even when a relationship as we hoped it would be, ends.

    Allowing ones happiness is become dependent on another can put a great deal of strain on a relationship. The idea/ thinking of making oneself happy or finding happiness can get in the way of experiencing joy. Happiness is something we experience in the moment when we notice it. I think if you examine those moments where you were surprised by joy and experienced happiness that you did not create it, they just were. It is only in highlight when we look for explanation, cause and effect, that we say oh such and such was what made me happy. And then we try to repeat the experience expecting the same result, but this time almost always surprised not by joy but by disappointment…

    Where to start?
    Allow yourself to be ok with feeling lost, there is a time for all things.

    Why It’s Okay to Feel Lost (and How to Find Your Way Again)


    And maybe you discover that it’s not that your lost but in a time of wandering, and wandering opening the door to discovering your path and joy. “To live like a river flows, Carried by the surprise Of its own unfolding.”

    All that is gold does not glitter,
    Not all those who wander are lost;
    The old that is strong does not wither,
    Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
    From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
    A light from the shadows shall spring;
    Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
    The crownless again shall be king
    J. R. R. Tolkien

    #128135
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nichole89:

    You wrote in your last post that you were happy with him. He, on the other hand, in the message he sent you last told you that you were “always upset or mad when he came home that (you) was always trying to find an argument about something”-

    Is what he said true, were you often upset, angry when he was with you, arguing with him?

    anita

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